Getting Over Insecurity In Relationships
According to research. Insecurity is listed in the top ten reasons for why marriages and relationships end in divorce and separation and it is a well known fact that deep rooted insecurities, destroy relationships.
You can go from one relationship to another hoping the next person you meet, will be the perfect one for you this time.
Or if you're already in a relationship, you can carry on in your existing relationship, totally dependant on and totally reliant on your partner, hoping that they will constantly reassure you and give you the love, happiness and security that you want.
But, if you do not fix your inner insecurities or you do not release and let go of your relationship emotional baggage,
Then you're either going to take your same old problems, emotional baggage and insecurities into your next relationship.
Or if you're already in a relationship, you will keep the same old repetitive problems and you will be coming from a negative and unattractive place, of neediness and insecurity.
Whether, you're single a the moment or you're already in a relationship. If you do not treat your insecurities, then the same old patterns will keep on cropping up again and again; and bit by bit, they destroy you and your relationship, until you fix and change things, from within.
There is a lot of practical advice on how to make your relationship better, and although doing external things can help to bring more fun and enjoyment into your relationship.
The real magic only starts to happen when you feel good about yourself and you feel happy and at peace, within.
When the energy is right with you and your partner you relationship will naturally and effortlessly improve, because positive energy and a positive mental attitude, equals a better you and a better relationship experience.
Release your relationship insecurities and watch your relationship get better
There are so many positive and amazing benefits you will reap, when you have a happy and loving relationship.
Because a happy and wonderful relationship, equates to a happier and more relaxed you and when you feel good on the inside your relationship will flourish.
A healthy and loving relationships is great for your health, life and wellbeing and you will look and feel better too, because when things are good with your relationship, life seems to become so much easier, more enjoyable and better.
Insecurity, stress, fear and negative thoughts and emotions regarding you and your relationship, are toxic for you and toxic for your relationship.
Sometimes, surrendering, accepting and letting go of what is bothering or hurting you and just allowing life to happen, combined with a positive shift in your energy and thinking.
Can turn, all that uncertainty about your relationship and all that painful uncertainty about your future with your partner, that is driving, all the hurt, anger and suffering into a happy, peaceful you and a happy and peaceful.
Most people tend to over analyse themselves to death or they over analyse their relationship issues and concerns to death.
This all or nothing type of thinking errors, causes them to only ever focus on the worst case scenario and then they assume that it is the only possible outcome, yet there is always better ways of perceiving a situation.
So instead of enjoying their relationship and making the most of the time they spend with their partner they give all their attention to what they don't want or what might go wrong, and as the old saying goes.
"In life, you tend to attract more of the things and situations, that you fear the most"
The ideal energy, that is required for a happy and loving relationship to thrive and flourish into a fantastic and amazing experience, is the positive emotions of love, calm and joy.
If you're coming from an internal place of fear, negativity and insecurity, then this is going to have a negative impact on you and you're relationship.
Think about this for a minute. If you were single and you joined a dating site.
Let's say, there were two identical twins, who caught your eye.
One described themselves as being happy, lovable and fun, who was positive, secure and they lived live to the full.
Whilst the other described themselves as being insecure, clingy, unhappy, anxious and negative.
Which one would you choose?
Therefore, instead of constantly worry, obsessing about your partner going off you or fearing your relationship ending.
Wouldn't you rather be, making the most of your time together, enjoying each others company?
The first step to a better relationship starts off by learning to love and accept yourself and believing that you're lovable and fully, deserving of love.
The truth is, nobody can have the certainty that their relationship will last forever, but you can have the certainty and inner resolve, of:
Whatever happens in your relationship, you're strong enough and capable enough of coping and managing by yourself.
The funny things, is when you accept the worst case scenario and be OK with it, you will take away all the pressures of you and your relationship, which will actually work in your favour as it will probably, improve the quality of your relationship.
Some other tips to better your relation is to make a strong commitment to yourself:
- To love yourself
- To find inner peace
- To accept yourself
- To respect yourself
With all the social pressures to look good and with all the pressures we heap upon ourselves, to try and be perfect or to want to be or look like others.
It can be very hard to accept ourselves, especially if you are, on a subconscious level, constantly telling and affirming to yourselves, that you are:
- Not good enough
- Not deserving
- Not attractive enough
- Not lovable
- Totally, dependant on your partners, to feel good and happy
- Not capable enough of managing without your partners
However, if you can begin to start to love and accept yourself, then you will begin to let go of your negativity, pain and suffering.
Self love and self acceptance, including all your perceived bad points, is incredibly important, if you want to end your feelings of insecurity.
Acceptance and being OK with whatever is bothering, what is, what has happened, what might happen or anything else that is worrying you, is also a great way of ending all your emotional suffering.
How To Overcome Your Relationship Insecurities
Your biggest asset and the best thing that can give you a great, wonderful and truly amazing relationships experience is, you.
Whether you're looking for a new partner or you're already in a relationship which you want to feel happy, safe and secure, it is you and how you feel that matters the most.
Because there is nothing more attractive and pleasing to your partner or a future possible partner, than a happy, nice, calm and secure you.
Because what your partner wants back more than anything else, is the happy, loving, nice and fun you, justlike you were when you first met.
Things are not always as bad as you imagine?
Happy couples, have a deep sense of trust and connection.
Insecurity in a relationship can ruin, the essential requirements that are essential for a happy, fulfilling and lifelong relationship, which are love and a strong sense of connection and commitment.
If you feel that you have lost the love, the deep connection and the commitment or you feel as if your partner has gone off you or you are annoyed because, they're spending too much time doing other things.
Then, one of two things, might happen.
1) First case scenario
You might think, that you're relationship is doomed to breakup, you're stuck in a negative groove or you assume that the magic and spark has gone or you even think that your relationship won't work anymore.
This could leave you to think along the lines of. Why should you bother or what is the point of you flogging a dead horse, when you know that your it is unlikely to work or get any better?
2) Second case scenario
The thought and fear of losing your partner and your security, especially if you really still love your partner.
Might make you feel like trying even harder or it may cause you to increase the intensity of your commitment.
If you trust, follow and go with your overactive imagination and your negative feelings.
This can cause you to perceive your partner in a negative light, rather than a positive one, therefore instead of planning for some nice days and nights out or spending some cosy nights in together.
You mind and body will be full of resentment, anger, fear, frustration and disappointment.
Unless you address the real fundamental root causes of your relationship insecurities.
Then your relationship insecurities will keep on resurfacing, which can negatively affect you and your relationship and you will end up try extra hard or being extra committed, for all the wrong reasons.
Relationships are really important, and a good and happy relationship can give you loads of joy and pleasure, as well as boosting your health and well-being.
However, a bad relationship can cause you immense stress, hurt and suffering, and the really bad and deevious side of relationship insecurity, is.
It can make what was a happy relationship bad or it can trick you into thinking that your relationship is bad or doomed for failure from an inside perspective, when in reality, you have a perfectly good relationship.
Before you can be secure and happy, you have to feel secure and happy
If you suffer with relationship insecurities, then it won't matter how much you try and tell yourself not to feel insecure or how many times you are reassured by your partner or others.
Because if you don't really believe it or more importantly, you don't feel it.
Then no amount of reassurance will work, because it is your feelings, perceptions and emotions that drive your thoughts, actions and behaviors.
Therefore unless you change your feelings and perceptions, you won't really feel it or believe it.
The feelings and emotions that are driving your thoughts and feelings of insecurity and anxiety, are being triggered by your subconscious mind.
These thoughts and feelings of fear, worry, self sabotage and insecurity that you're having.
Because they're coming from your subconscious mind, this means they are automatic and they happen without you thinking about it.
Most of your insecure thoughts and feelings are based on your past negative relationship experiences and your negative emotional baggage and programming.
If you think about it, it makes sense.
Because, why would you want to think and feel insecure, when you know it is upsetting you and making you feel anxious and stressed.
The mistake most people ,ake is they wait and rely on their partner or for their external circumstances and situations to get better, before they feel relaxed and happy.
The trouble is, when you depend or rely on others or your circumstances to change or get better, before you feel better yourself.
Then this means, you're going about things, completely the wrong way.
When you focus on feeling secure, calm and happy within. You will soon notice, that others will treat you better and your circumstances and your life will also, change for the better as well.
Negative thoughts can lead to negative actions, habits and behaviors
A good and loving relationship is one of our most fundamental and basic human emotional needs and desires as they provide you with intimacy, a deep sense of connection, love and security.
Therefore, it is perfectly natural to feel insecure. frustrated and anxious at times, it happens to everybody.
The real problem starts when you magnify your insecurities and you allow them to dictate how you feel and control your actions and behaviors.
The fear of losing somebody you love, can cause you to act in the most desperate, of ways.
For some people, their thoughts and feelings of insecurity can be so overwhelming and convincing, it might cause you to put all the blame on your partner.
If you allow your ego and pride to get in the way, you may think, that you are being perfectly reasonable or you've got everything under control.
You may also feel as you're right and you aren't really doing anything wrong.
But, by constantly seeking reassurance, needing to know their every move or by trying to control them or wishing they were with you all the time to ease your insecurities.
Will be of little consolation to you, when you put so much pressure on your relationship.
Your partner reaches a breaking point where they cannot take anymore, and even though they still love you, they decide that they have cannot take anymore, and they end up leaving you.
Insecure, angry and negative thoughts will cause more emotional arousal, which will drive more negative and insecure thoughts.
These negative thoughts and feelings can feel so overwhelming, the can lead you to take negative and sometimes deeply regrettable actions and behaviors.
Which can mess you up on the inside and seriously damage your relationship.
Of course, if you are feeling insecure or you're feeling angry or worried about something, then you need to address your issues and let it go.
If you feel it is needed. Calmly, sit them down, and tell them how you feel.
Because, if you bottle things up, just because you feel uncomfortable or uneasy to tell them how you feel, in case they react badly.
Then, this will eat away at you until you feel so complused and angry, you won't be able to hold back and because of all the emotionally arousal and energy, it will probably end up in a heated argument.
The positive benefits of feeling secure in a relationship
When you feel good and at peace, your relationship will improve and you partner will respond to your good feeling emotions in many warm and positive ways.
But it is not just your partner who will benefit tremendously when you let go of your insecurities, your own health and wellbeing will get better as well.
Because the quality of our relationships can influence every aspect of your wellbeing health and there is a lot of research to back up the claims, that reveal.
Those who have good and happy relationships and those who form strong connections with their partners experience better health and they also tend to live longer and happier lives.
Having a good relationship with yourself and your partner will give you a significant and instant boost to your health, well-being and your quality of life.
Insecurity and negative on the other hand, are not very healthy for you or your relationship, and it does not matter, whether you're already in a relationship or you're currently single and you're looking to find love.
Because, if you are an insecure person, then it is going to make it very hard for you to relax, feel at peace and enjoy all the positive benefits that a great relationship can provide you with.
What makes things even worse, is; your insecurities may not even be true or accurate, and they could be nothing more, than
- A figment of your overactive imagination
- A negative representation of your low self esteem
- A fear of your negative past happening to you all over again
Therefore, as long as you're not being treated badly, you're going to benefit tremendously and you're relationship will be so much better, when you start to let go of your insecurities and you begin to perceive things and yourself in a new light.
Some may argue, there is no smoke without fire?
In most cases, the reasons why people suffer with relationship insecurities is often internally driven due to their internal beliefs and previous relationship history, such as:
- They've become a victim to their past negative experiences
- They have or they are being treated bad
- They have unresolved emotional issues
- They are allowing their own perceptions or the perceptions of others to cloud their view
- They're judging their partners or future partners based upon their conditioning or their beliefs
Having said that, some people will have a genuinely good reason to feel a bit insecure, especially if you're being mistreated or you have strong physical evidence to back up your claims.
Either way, you still need to address and sort out your relationship insecurities, your relationship difficulties and your own personal wellbeing and emotional issues.
You cannot have total relationship certainty, but you can find inner peace, by accepting uncertainty
Everybody would like to have the certainty that they partner will always love them, they will always be faithful to them and they will stay together for the rest of their life.
At the start of a relationship, you both paid each other a lot of attention, you both would go out of your way to make a good impression, you would give each other gifts and you would both be very loving, caring and physical.
During this honeymoon period, you would have felt happy and secure and on top of the world, as if nothing could go wrong.
But, as the complacent starts to creep in and as the sparks start to die down a little, combined with the stresses and pressures of modern day living,
It can make you start to feel a bit insecure, especially if you are the affectionate and sensitive type and you feel as if your partner is no longer making the effort to try and please or impress you, as they once did.
Maybe, they've started going out with their friends a bit more or you begin to wonder why they seem to spend more time with their friends or pursuing their hobbies and interests.
These types of things can set your imagination into overdrive and all the uncertainty or the fear of not knowing or the unknown, can cause you to feel emotionally overwhelmed and annoyed.
In many situations, the underlying root cause of these types of fears or insecurities is the fear of losing the person that you love.
Sometimes the best way to end the fear of not knowing or the fear of being on your own, is to accept it can happen and let yourself know, if it did happen, you'll be OK.
The thought of losing the person you love or having to start a new life, on your own, can be very daunting and upsetting.
But if you can try and take away, the consequences and you can reassure yourself, that you can still live a happy and enjoyable life, then this can ease your worries and fears/
Part of making your relationship better, may also involve, learning how to forgive, forget and to let go, if you partner makes a mistake or upsets you.
People make mistakes and people say things, that they don't mean in the heat of the moment.
As long as your partner is not cheating on you, abusing or mistreating you, then sometimes you have to forgive them and let the matter go, so you can leave those mistakes behind you.
Because you can't move forwards and create a better relationship, if you're stuck in the negative energy of your past.
One way to ease your insecure and anxious mind, which can significantly make your relationship better.
Is for you to accept that, even if you did end up single one day, you are fully capable of dealing with it and getting on with the rest of your life.
Naturally, you don't want this outcome, but it can really help you, if you know, should it ever happen, you'll be just fine.
Because, holding yourself in constant fear of the worse case scenario, will only serve to fuel and feed your anxieties and insecurities.
Do you always, think the worse case scenario?
It seems that it is human nature, to fear on the worse case scenario.
But it you can accept and be OK with the worse case scenario, then some of those fears and anxieties, will lose the hold, that they have, over you.
Work together to make your relationship better, but try not to depend on others to determine how you feel.
Because you cannot always rely on your partner to give you the love and affection, that you feel you need.
We all have our own problems and challenges to face, deal with and overcome and you have to remember, that your partner will have their own worries and problems, that they are too, trying to overcome.
Once you are free of your fears, insecurities and anxieties.
Then you can put all your energy and focus of attention on doing all the good and positive things that are going to help you to, respark the romance and make your relationship, better again.
What makes people feel insecure in relationships?
If you're insecure, then you probably have a tendency to over-monitor everything or you assume the worse case scenario, then believe it or maybe you put too much time worrying about it ending.
Because, sometimes you can try too hard or can put a little too much effort into trying reassure yourself that everything is OK, you forget to relax and enjoy it.
When you feel insecure and negative, it means that you're using your conscious mind to focus on what you don't want to happen, what you fear might happen or what you suspect is happening.
Everytime you think about something with your conscious mind, you create that scenario or outcome within your imagination.
Those thoughts and imaginings, then effects and controls your nervous system, your emotional responses and your feelings, which in turn, control your actions, decisions and behaviors.
If you're having insecure or negative thoughts and feelings, then they will make you feel, either:
- Stressed and tense
The only way you can feel happy, calm and at peace.
So you can fully enjoy, commit and make the most of your relationship and your life.
Is for you, to let go of all your negative resistance and for you to relax and build your self esteem.
As this will allow you to get out of your head and put all your attention externally, which will bring you back to the blissful peace and safety of the present moment.
If you are having insecure, anxious, sad, or angry thoughts.
Then, this means you're focusing all of your undivided attention, internally.
If you're in a negative state of imbalance and disharmony.
When you go inside, your mind will then focus on all your fears, your worries, your concerns, your self imposed limitations, your imperfections and insecurities.
Wanting to be perfect, not accepting yourself, faults included or negatively comparing yourself to others, is the fastest route to more feelings of insecurity, low confidence emotions and low feelings moods.
The moment your conscious awareness takes its attention off the outside and it all goes on the inside, it will start to engage you into, thinking mode.
Your conscious everyday mind is designed to mainly think about your everyday tasks, your wants, your goals and your desires.
If you want to feel your best and if you want the best life experience possible, including, having a great relationship.
You should either focus your attention, on what you're doing or observing externally or you should only think about, good feeling thoughts.
Any time your mind:
- Perceives a threat
- Perceives something is or might go wrong
- Perceives or detects a threat or something bad might happen
- You focus on a fear or insecurity
- You focus on a problem
- Something grabs your attention
- You have an ongoing unresolved issue
- You fear you may lose someone you love
- Someone violates your boundaries
All your focus of attention will go internally and you will start to have negative imaginings and emotional feelings and responses.
Such as thoughts and feelings that will make you feel:
- Stressed and tense
Your mind will use feelings and emotions to get you to, either:
- Take action
- To try and resolve or find a solution to your problem or concern
- To try and get you to avoid the thing or situation that is causing you pain
Your subconscious mind can then keep you focused on your problem or your inner fears and insecurities.
Until you change your:
- Beliefs and subconscious programs
- Your attitude and perception
- Your negative thinking errors
- Your bad relationship habits and behaviors
In the case of relationship insecurities. Your mind will keep you emotionally engaged and internally focused on all that is negative or wrong about yourself, your partner and your relationship.
When your focus of attention is emotionally engaged in all that is wrong, negative or bad.
Your whole physiology, mindset and body will change to a negative and insecure state of being, which will fuel more negative thoughts, behaviors and feelings.
When you take your awareness off your external reality and you shift it to your internal representation of your reality.
Your mind will shift into its subconscious default settings and it will start to think on auto-pilot.
When this happens, your mind will use all your past experiences or your current issues, to gauge how you think, feel and behave, in the now.
Most people suffer so much, because they either live in the past or they worry and fear, about, what they perceive, might happen or go wrong in the future.
Which makes them believe, respond to and trust their imagination, even if it is not true or accurate.
The moment you engage with your internal thought processes, your subconscious mind will take over and it will start to think on autopilot.
Depending on what your currently engaging your thinking in.
Your subconscious mind, which is the emotional part of your mind, which has access to all your emotional memories, fears and insecurities, will activate physical and emotional responses in your body.
If you focusing on your insecurities, your worries or your perceiving your partner in a bad light.
Then this is going to trigger negative feelings and emotional responses in your body.
It is estimated that we spend up to 95% of our day, thinking.
With this in mind, if most of your thoughts are negative or insecure ones.
Then this means you're going to spend most of your day, in a negative and stressful, state of being.
If you are clinging onto to your emotional baggage or your negatively perceiving yourself, your future, your life or your partner.
Then you will probably spend nearly all your day, going over and over, with the same old tiresome negative, anxious and stressfully provoking thoughts and feelings.
Which is not the ideal state to be in, if you want to have a happy, fulfilling and enjoyable relationship.
This means that most of your automatic thinking, feelings and behaviours will be run by your subconscious mind.
If you have programmed your mind full of negative and insecure beliefs and perceptions about you and your present or previous partners.
Or you are engaging in negative, insecure, self defeating and self sabotaging, thinking patterns.
Then you are going to hold yourself in a negative and bad feeling place, which will prevent you from being able to relax and enjoy, what should be, a really wonderful and blissful, relationship experience.
You have to ask yourself, the question.
Are you going to allow your feelings and insecurities, and all they are, is:
To mess you up on the inside and destroy your happiness and your relationship?
Stop living in the emotional pain of your past
Most of our subconscious; social programming, social experiences and our fears, insecurities and our perceptions and beliefs
Are formed from our previous experiences, our learned behaviors and beliefs.
Or through observing the actions and behaviors of others, especially our partners.
All of these, then become our stored subconscious beliefs and programs, which control nearly all of our thinking, feelings actions and behaviors.
If your subconscious programs are negative.
Then they will have a negative influence on how you feel, your behaviors and responses and the quality of your life, including your relationship.
The life that you're living now and how good or bad your relationships are or have been, are an expression and reflection, of your subconscious programs and beliefs.
If you're happy, you feel great, you have a great life and you have a great relationship.
Then this means, that you have positive, encouraging and supportive belief systems and subconscious programs.
If you feel negative and insecure, a lot of the time.
Then this suggest that you have a few negative subconscious beliefs and programs that you will benefit from by overcoming your relationship insecurities.
If you experience any negative, fearful or insecure thoughts and feelings.
Do not attempt to push them away, resist or stop them.
Always, allow those negative thoughts, stories and imaginings to run freely through your mind and let them come bye and pass through peaceful, the key, is being none reactional.
The secret to ending your emotional suffering is for you to offer those negative thoughts, feelings and imaginings, no resistance, then as soon as your mind calms down, change them to something more positive.
Your negative emotions and feelings, could be driven by external things or circumstances or they could be down to internal emotional issues, such as:
- Low self esteem
- A bad memory
- Lack of self belief
- Lack of self respect
- Low self confidence
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of being hurt
- Fear of being cheated on
Either way, the feelings feel as real and as bad.
We are all human beings, who can feel alone and vulnerable at times, and we all have a range of thoughts of doubt and negative emotions, that we must allow ourselves to think and feel, when they arise.
The really problem starts when we try and deliberately control or suppress our thoughts, feelings and emotions or we allow them to dictate and control us and affect our relationship.
The truth is; you are not your negative thoughts or feelings, you are just the observer of them, who doesn't have to engage in them or react to them.
When you take a calm step back, away from your thoughts and feelings, you are calm and free flowing positive energy,
Which is the foundation and building blocks, that is needed for creating better lives and better relationships.
You cannot access these blissful calm feelings and all the great things that life can offer you, like forming wonderful and happy relationships, if you're stuck in a fight with your thoughts, feelings or your partner.
The primary job of your brain, is to move you away from pain and move you towards pleasure.
But, if you're in a good relationship or you're single at the moment and you're harboring and holding onto to your self sabotaging negative insecurities, memories, beliefs and doubts.
Then your poor and somewhat confused mind is holding you stuck in a constant state of pain, that is ultimately denying you the chance of experiencing pleasure.
The reason for this is because your ever protective and always loyal mind as come to wrongly associate, what should be a beautiful and pleasurable relationship experience.
As being something that is causing you immense pain.
Therefore, in its attempt to steer you away from pain it is mistakenly taking you towards more pain and accidentally moving you away from what should be a most wonderful and pleasant experience.
Your thoughts and emotions can be compared to an analogy of an unwelcome wasp, that is persistently pestering you.
Because, if an annoying wasp starts to buzz around you and you panic and swat at the wasp, then the wasp will persist and come at you more and more, until it stings and hurts you.
But, if you relax and stay calm and you do not react badly to the annoying wasp, then it won't hurt you and it will fly off and leave you alone.
The same applies to your thoughts and emotions.
If a negative thought or feeling starts to pester you and you try and push them away or fight them off, then they will persist and come back at you more and more, eventually causing you pain and suffering.
But, if you just accept that they are just random thoughts and feelings and you react calmly to them and leave them be, then they won't hurt you anymore and they will pass on through and peacefully away.
Your body responds to your imagination which activates strong and intense negative feelings of emotional overwhelm, fear and anger.
The truth is, you cannot trust your imagination, because all your imagination will do is, it will try and fill in the blanks or create self destructive stories in your head, which aren't even accurate or true.
Try not to react or trust, your imagination and start to change those negative stories and disastrous outcomes into positive and more happier stories and outcomes.
Instead of imagining everything going wrong, imagine things going well and right.
Just have a strong faith, belief and knowing, that whatever happens. you'll be fine or you will figure things out.
No relationship is perfect
"Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect"
All relationships, have their ups and down and there will be times when you both disagree, fallout and argue and it is perfectly normal to feel a bit insecure, angry, anxious or frustrated at times.
During those difficult time in your relationship, it is important to consider your partner's point of view and for them to try and understand yours and it is important to quickly resolve or let go of any pending disagreements or person grievances.
Because although, we all might get mad, upset or angry with each other at times.
Always remember that behind that anger there is still lots of love, behind those fears is a burning desires and with all the sadness and troubles, there is an opportunity to make your relationship better.
This may involve clearing and releasing all your past your past relationship bad memories or your current relationship issues so you can clear the slate of your mind make a brand new exciting start.
Because unresolved relationship insecurities can manifest and cause you to develop:
- Bad thinking errors and negative use of your imagination
- Disastrous decisions and choices
- Endless emotional suffering, frustration and stress
- Self sabotaging bad habits, actions and behaviors
How crazy is that, to allow your relationship insecurities or you past relationship bad memories to get the better of you and destroy your relationship and even push away the person that you love or prevent you from, finding a new love of your life.
The bad thing with your imagination, your insecurities, your anxiety and your negative emotions, are:
They can feel so powerful and overwhelming and they can feel and seem so real and overpowering to you.
Your body reacts to your imagination and those feelings can either overwhelm you or cause you to react in ways that will destroy your relationship.
These negative feelings can drive you to take all the wrong types of actions, decision and behaviors that are not going to help or support you.
Feelings can be so dominant and powerful, they can cause you to do or say things that can put a huge strain on your relationship, even if in reality, everything is perfectly fine.
Trust your intuition, not your imagination
Sometimes you may feel that you have genuine reasons to feel insecure, upset or annoyed. After all, you cannot escape the fact that some people behave badly to their partners.
However, a lot of the times, people destroy a perfectly happy and loving relationship because they trust their imagination and feelings, to much.
Other times your insecurities can stem from your past negative experiences, breakups or from you negative relationship beliefs, idea's and baggage
If your gut intuition is telling you that there is something really wrong. Then you may need to calmly sit down and talk with your partner and address your problems and concerns.
The thing to be aware of is:
Your intuition, usually gets it right, whilst your imagination just makes it up, fills in the blanks or it backs up your fears and anxieties, with just about every negative eventuality, that's possible.
Try not to always jump to conclusions, trust your imagination or assume something is wrong, because you can make the wrong assumptions or judgements.
Their could be many reasons why your partner, may not be giving you their full undivided attention or affection.
Some people are just shy, guarded or they're not very good at revealing their true inner feelings. they might even seem distant because they have their own personal problems that they are trying to deal with.
If you are feeling insecure, jealous angry or frustrated. Then it is really important thing to understand, you need to address and take control of your thoughts, feelings and insecurities.
So you don't self sabotage and destroy a perfectly good and loving relationship or if your single, you don't ruin your chances of finding true love and happiness in the future.
Your own personal well-being and your relationships matters, and with the added bonus of a good and happy relationships, it can do wonders for your health, self esteem and well-being.
To allow a relationship to blossom and flow, you first have to create a calm and positive energy and atmosphere so you can create a loving and happy relationship that you desire and deserve, just like things were, when you first started dating.
People who are insecure in their relationships are usually highly sensitive and emotional people and because of their emotional needs and insecurities.
They often feel the need to be loved, constantly reassured and wanted or they heavily rely on others to make them feel safe, loved and secure.
Now there is nothing wrong with being affectionate and loving. As long as you don't depend on it to make you feel secure, loved and needed.
Or you don't overly rely on your partner to calm your emotions or to make you feel happy and secure.
You cannot rely on your partner to give you their full undivided love and attention all the time, but you should always let yourself know, that you love yourself and you always have the knowing that your own inner being loves you unconditionally.
The funny thing is. When you're in control of your own thoughts, feelings and insecurities and you feel happy within.
Very often, your partner will feel more loving and affectionate towards you, without you even having to try too hard.
Letting go of your relationship fears, suffering and insecurities
If your feeling insecure in your relationship, then this is a strong indication that you're looking for love in all the wrong places.
Because the best way to better your relationship is to love yourself and for you to find happiness and peace within yourself.
Because, your relationship will get better, the moment you let go of your insecurities and you return to a happy and calm state.
People rely too much on their partners to help them ease their worries and insecurities, but it is not all about your partner, because how you feel, within, is the key to a better relationship.
Feeling insecure or jealous means that something is being activated from within you, that is linked to an emotional awareness, such as:
- There is something that you feel you want, but you don't have
- You feel you're losing, what you desire the most
- You feel as if your lacking something
This inner emotional awareness, is causing the activation of the awareness, of not having what you want or the fear of losing what you already have.
The reason why people are constantly seeking reassurance, is often being driven be an underlying fear, insecurity or anxiety.
This makes them to constantly seek for reassurance or changes of behavior from their partner.
The reason for this is. They feel if they can have that certainty they need or the perfect relationship or the perfect partner.
Then all the insecurities, problems and concerns will just melt away and disappear.
The problem is, when you focus on your relationship insecurities, then you will activate more of your relationship fears, concerns and insecurities.
This can then cause you to focus more, with strong and intense negative emotions, on the outcome that you fear or the situation that you don't want to happen.
Your insecurity is an inward sign and feeling that you want to be loved and you want everything to be, like it was when you both first met.
It could also demonstrates, that you have a strong desire to have a fantastic relationship but you don't feel and believe that you can really have it any more.
So, instead of being at ease and at peace with yourself and your partner so you can enjoy a wonderful and blissful relationship.
You have a negative feeling that tricks you into thinking:
- That your partner has gone off you
- They might go off with somebody else
- You feel as if you're not good enough for them
- You feel as if you're going to lose them
Therefore, the only thing that you can replace your thoughts and feelings of insecurity, is having the constant security or reassurance from your partner.
Or the certainty that they'll never go off you, cheat on you or leave you.
Your insecurities could be further driven by your beliefs that if your partner does leave you, then you won't be able to cope by yourself or you'll never find somebody else.
'Your relationship insecurities can cause you to create problems and scenarios internally, that either do not exist externally or they are highly unlikely to happen.
All those negative thoughts and feelings can drive you to turn a happy and good relationship, into a nightmare relationship and potentially, another doomed and soon to be, failed relationship.
Too avoid, this.
Try not to over analyze their every move, word or action and try not to read to much into every little whim thing or change of mood.
If they are a bit quiet or offish. Don't just jump the gun and presume, it has something to do with you.
Because, it could mean that they have something on their mind or they have a worry or problem, that they're trying to deal with.
Be more mindful to all those negative and self destructive thoughts, which are more to do with your worries and fears, than your actual reality.
Challenge them, dismiss them and change them and each time you notice those self destructive negative thoughts, let yourself know.
They're just thoughts, that only exist in my imagination, and you're not going to allow them to destroy you relationship and happiness, and everything is fine with your relationship, then bring your attention back to what you're doing, in the now.
Repeatedly, tell yourself that you are worthy and good enough, to be loved.
Change the way you feel, release your relationship insecurities and create the foundations for a loving and happy relationship
If you're researching relationship insecurities, then this suggest that you worried about your partner leaving you, cheating on you or going off you.
You might think that the way to ease your insecurities and worries is for you to try and get your partner to change their ways or behaviors or you might want to sit them down and talk things through.
'All these can help if they're justified and if your partner is treating you bad then this needs addressing and if things are really bad, then you should be prepared to end it or walk away,
Some might even feel the need to try and control their partners and get them to give up what you don't like them doing.
Because, maybe you feel, if they're always with you, then this will ease your insecurities and calm your anxious mind.
This may work for a while, but it won't set the ideal atmosphere if you force your partner to give up doing their own things, then chances are, this is going to make them feel unhappy and resentful.
You want them to spend more time with you because they want to be with you, not because they feel they have to and the best way to get them to do that is for you to feel happy and at peace within.
As long as they are trustworthy, then you should allow them to pursue their own interests and hobbies and you should have your own goals or things to keep you occupied as well.
Because, you cannot rely on your partner for your own inner peace of mind, calmness and happiness.
In most cases, the real biggest issues to address, is your own emotional and mental state. Because, how you think and feel is your own responsibility and not all the responsibility of your partner
Because what you choose to do and how you think and feel is all down to you.
Yes, how your partner treats and speaks to is incredibly important and any bad behavior by them, can affect how you feel.
You should not about tolerating or putting up with your partner's bad or unreasonable behavior but equally you should not depend on them to determine how you feel..
Because, what really matters is you and how well you treat yourself, how you perceive yourself and how you feel.
Ideally, it is nice to feel loved, to be held and to receive loving affection and nice attention from your partner, but your own emotional well-being should be in your control.
If you have an external problems with your partner then try and resolve them in the best and most calmest ways possible.
But if you find yourself feeling and negative emotions such as jealousy, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety or frustration.
Be aware of how you feel and be aware that your not feeling as you would like to feel.
Then make it your most dominant intention, to do everything you can to bring you back to a state of calm and happiness, despite what is going on in your relationship.
As you work towards feeling good and at peace, make sure that how good you intend to feel, is not a condition of your partner changing their ways or behaviors.
Because, if you can teach yourself to feel good, positive and calm, without having to depend on what your partner is or is not doing.
Then you will be in full control of how you feel instead of your feelings, your partner or your circumstances controlling you.
If you try and talk or approach your partner whilst you're still in a negative or stressful state of being, then you're sure to make matters worse not better.
Identifying and resolving your worries, anxieties and insecurities?
Before you can treat and overcome your insecurities, you need to pinpoint the root cause of them.
One way of doing this is to ask yourself a few searching questions, like:
- What is making me feel anxious?
- What am I feeling like this?
- What is making me feel insecure?
- What is making me feel frustrated and angry?
Then find somewhere quiet, relax, grab a pen and piece of paper, and just allow your mind to wonder and come up with the reasons, as they pop up into your head, write them down.
Because writing things down is a great way of expressing yourself and processing your negative emotions, it will also help you to understand, where you might be going wrong.
Then once you have identified your insecurities, worries and fears, you can begin to work on changing them.
Writing down how you feel or how you thought and felt about a specific situation or how you felt and thought in a negative feeling situation, can also help reduce your fears and anxieties.
Another good way to treat your insecurities, is to label each of them and then write then down.
Again think about what is driving your anxieties, insecurities or causing your low self esteem and self worth and write each one down.
- If you're afraid of your partner leaving you, write it down
- If you're afraid of being hurt, write it down
- If you're scared they might cheat on you or you think they're cheating on you, write it down
- If you feel they no longer love you, write it down
- If you think they no longer find you attractive, write it down
- If you feel you're not good enough for them, write it down
- If you feel you don't deserve to be loved, write it down
Once you have written down how you feel or what each of your insecurities is, it will give you a clear picture of your problem and when you know that, you can start working on the solution or what action you need to do next..
The next step is to try and workout, what is driving your anxieties and insecurities?
Things that you can take a look at are.
Have you got an credibly evidence, are you fears being internally driven, based on your past negative experiences and beliefs.
Or are the a result of your partners unreasonable actions and behaviors?
An example, might be:
Lets say, you suspect or think that you're partner has been cheating on you?
If you do suspect this, then this will no doubt make you feel very angry, stressed or anxious.
If you do not then process and let go of these strong emotions.
Then your curious and angry mind, will push you into defensive mode, which will eventually drive you to start checking and questioning, everything they do or asking them loads of questions.
If this kind of thing is happening to you.
Then you need to immediately resolve the situation or treat your underlying insecurities.
So, the next thing to do is to ask yourself, what is driving your suspicions and insecurities?
Are they coming from within, based on your beliefs and your previous bad relationship experiences and your conditioned emotional baggage.
Or have you any external evidence, concerning their recent actions and behaviors to support your concerns?
Internal insecurity versus external reasons and evidence?
Our insecurities are either being driven by our external situations and events or our internal representations of how we perceive things.
If you partner is constantly and psychologically, abusing you, treating you badly, putting you down, belittling you, criticizing you, ect:
Or they are suddenly acting out of character, they are being secretive or they are behaving as if they're generally having an affair.
Then this could mean your insecurities are valid, because all these kind of things will naturally, destroy your self esteem and make you feel bad about yourself, as well as affecting your emotional well-being.
If this is the case, and the physical and external evidence is absolutely crystal clear. Then you may need to either address the situation, decide what is best for you or even consider leaving them.
However, if your insecurities are being driven by your past negative experience, your lack of self respect or self worth for yourself, your internal feelings and dialogue or your negative emotional baggage.
Then this means, a very different and internal approach will be required.
Because, if you're the creator of your own downfall. Then this means that you can be the creator of your own great and wonderful life and fantastic relationship.
How to be free of your emotional pain, insecurities and suffering?
Whether your insecurities, fears or the things that make you feel upset or angry are being driven by external circumstances or internally, a new direction and approach is required.
Most of you insecure and fearful thoughts are a result of your high levels of stress, anger, unhappiness or anxiety.
When we have stressful fearful, angry, tense or negative feelings in the mind and body. They will be accompanied by even more, similar and matching types of thoughts and imaginings.
Our body also responds to our thoughts and imaginings, so if you think and imagine the worst case scenario all the time, then you we feel it as if it was happening for real.
Thinking and feelings happen, sometimes randomly, sometimes as a result of how we are feeling and sometimes, they are triggered by our mind or they are a reaction to an external situation.
The thing to be aware of is; negative and unwanted thoughts are perfectly normal and perfectly natural, we all have them.
The secret is whether you learn to defuse and reduce them or whether you carry on getting emotionally sucked in and controlled by them.
The truth is, just because you think or feel something, does not mean it is true or it is happening or it might happen, externally, neither do they represent a true reflection of who you really are.
The reason why you insecure and negative thoughts feel so overwhelming, are:
- You accept and believe them as being accurate
- You have become highly sensitive to them
- The negative feelings and compulsions are so intense and strong, you are giving them your full and undivided attention, or you are allowing them to control what you think, say and do
Each negative thought, feeling and imagining is causing you to react with even more panic, fear, dread, stress, tension, feelings of sorrow/unhappiness or sensations of anger.
Once you become emotionally involved and sucked into your negative thoughts and feelings, then they can hold you stuck in a negative cycle of resistance, meaning more fear, stress, unhappiness and anger.
All these negative thoughts, self doubt, insecurity and anxiety will just lead to more negative thoughts and feelings.
Or you can flip them around into a positive "what if"
- "What if things go well"
- "I couldn't careless"
- "Everything will workout fine for me"
- "Whatever happens, I know I'll be OK
You can't heal yourself and you cannot begin to repair and make your relationship better or make the rational and sensible choices and life changing decisions.
This does not mean that you should accept and put up with being treated badly.
Taking good care of yourself
Feeling insecure, having a great relationship and feel happy within is not all about having the perfect partner nor should you rely or depend on your partner for your happiness.
Because the first step to having a fantastic relationship is to take good care of yourself and making sure you have a great relationship with yourself.
As well as working on having a great relationship, work on taking good care of yourself.
This may involve, keep yourself occupied, by doing the things you like or enjoy doing.
Other key components of good health and wellbeing, are:
- Relaxing deeply
- Keeping active and occupied
- Eating a healthy diet
- Engaging in nature
- Breathing exercises
If you want to feel at your best, then it is important to reduce your stress and learn how to release any tension in your body.
Years of negative psychological and emotional conditions such as:
- Feelings of insecurity
- Worry and anxiety
- Negative or low moods
- Anger and resentment
Can have a negative affect on your posture, your emotional well-being and your physiology.
Techniques, such as:
- Tai chi
- The alexander technique
Can all help you to release any built up tension, stress or adrenaline, leaving you feeling more calm, happier, poised and balanced.
Did you know that how you feel can affect your partner ?
When you allow your insecurities, worries and anxieties to take control of your mind, your behaviors, your actions, your attitude and your decisions.
Then they will have a negative affect and impact on you and your relationship.
Your thoughts and feelings are powerful and if you lose control of your mind and feelings then you and your relationship are going to suffer immensely.
When you feel calm, good and happy within.
Then your relationship will get better, because your partner will pick up on your good mood and if you love and accept yourself as well, the chances are you will receive more love back.
Because feelings are the language of love and if your feelings and insecurities can be sensed and felt by your partner, so if you're feeling insecure and negative.
Then this creates bad vibes and a bad atmosphere, which can spill over in many bad ways in your relationship.
If people were more aware of their insecurity and how much damage it is doing to them and their relationships and they spent some time working on overcoming their own relationship insecurities.
Then the chances are, they would not be in a bad relationships or a bad feeling place.
Our thoughts and feelings, reveal to us, what is going on within ourselves.
The trouble is, many of us are not taught how to feel good about ourselves or how to listen to and manage our own thoughts and feelings.
As a result of this, many of us will rely too much on others or what other people think, tell us or say or they will constantly seek the reassurance of others to hide how bad they feel within ourselves.
If you desire to have a wonderful, fulfilling and loving relationship then you have to love and accept yourself and you have to be in a good feeling place.
Because, feelings are more powerful than words and you are communicating to your partner on a non physical level, all the time through your feelings and emotions.
Your partner can sense if you're in a good or bad feeling place, without you having to even communicate or say a single word to them.
Negative feelings are toxic to you and your relationship and insecurity, jealousy, fear and doubt create a negative state of being which will have a negative impact on your relationship.
Focus on yourself as well as your partner
Overcoming your relationship insecurities, may involve working on building your own self esteem and happiness within.
Because it is extremely hard to relax and have a great relationship or to be happy, if you don't feel it.
This can take time and effort and although you want a happy and loving relationship. It is equally important for you, to understand that your own happiness and calm feelings, should not be attached to your relationship or your partner.
Insecurity is linked to negative emotions which drive all that negative mind chatter that you have with yourself.
Like all the worrying and sleepless nights, about your relationship turning sour or feeling like you're growing apart.
Not to mention all the endless self destructive relationship stories that take place in your head and all those relationship killer questions you often ask yourself.
Such as: Debating does your partner still love you, are they having an affair and all the mindreading attempts you have with yourself to try and figure out what are they up to when their not with you.
When your emotions run riot. Your mind acts like a running commentary, only depicting the worse case scenario and making you believe it is true.
People think and act with their thoughts and emotions.
What is absolutely certain, negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity are sure to make you do and say things, that you know you will later regret.
The truth is, all your negative chit chatter and all the constant need to feel reassured.
Never actually, gives you the real peace of mind and inner security, that you're truly desire.
Most people who suffer with relationship insecurity.
Actually spend more time worrying about ending up, all alone. Rather than spending time focusing on how to make their relationship better.
Seeking reassurance only fuels the need for more reassurance
Why so many relationships are destroyed by insecurity is because. The strong and intense emotions, are so powerful they force people to say, act and do things, that they will almost inevitably regret.
If you constantly depend on your partner to ease your fears, suspicions and worries.
Then this will not resolve your problem as it will never really offer you the security that you're desperately seeking, and it won't be long before you feel the need for even more ressaurance.
This pattern and cycle will repeat itself over and over again, until you push your confused partner over the edge and you risk ending your relationship.
The root cause of your relationship insecurities are being driven by patterns of behaviors and negative associations that you have learned from your previous bad relationships or they have been inherited from your childhood and life experiences.
These can also be caused if your parents were in a bad relationship.
You may have those insecurity evoking thoughts many times, such as:
- What if my relationship ends
- I cannot live without my partner
- I'll never going to meet anybody else
Why you crave to be loved
When you were a young baby and young child.
Your parents would shower you with undivided, love, affection, attention, gifts and admiration.
The adoration and affection they gave you would fill you with a strong sense of security and feelings of being loved, and it felt wonderful you
If you wanted their attention, you would easily get it. If you were upset, they were there to comfort you if you wanted to be comforted, they would comfort for you.
If your emotional and physical needs needed to be met, your parents would instantly drop everything to make sure you were satisfied and well cared for.
As a child, they would give in to your every whim and demand and you adored and took full advantage of this and you knew exactly how to get everything your own way.
This was a great period of your life, and everything seemed perfect in your world and your life was full of fun, love, enjoyment and you have a strong sense of being wanted, loved and appreciated.
This made you feel, happy, safe and secure.
But this does not last forever and things change,
Because, there is no way our parents could maintain and keep up that level of attention.
With all the pressure, stresses and strains of modern day living and all the demands of bringing up young children combined with your parents having to work, look after you, look after the house.
As well as having to go to work.
They could not match the levels of attention and affection, that they once gave you.
Even though your parents would still love and adore you, they would not show it so much.
Gradually all the attention, affection and love would, bit by bit, appear to wear off.
All of a sudden, you were no longer receiving all the love, protection and attention.
That once, made you feel, loved, wanted and appreciated, and the love and affection that you craved for.
One minute you're the focus of your parent's attention and you had the ability to please and fill your parents with joy and happiness.
Then, all of a sudden, to you, it all disappears, and having has it and lost it, you desperately want it all back.
These childhood memories, can cause you to fear, losing the love, security and affection of the person you come to love in the future.
This can leave you feel a bit insecure.
Then one day, years later. You meet your partner, who now becomes the new love of your life.
This makes you feel great and fills you with a sense of joy.
All of a sudden, you have now recaptured all the love and affection, your partner showers you with love, cares for you deeply and showers you with love, affection, attention and gifts and you can do no wrong.
Once again, you feel loved, the center of somebody else's attention and affection, and again you feel secure and happy, and you just want it to last forever.
But once again. It is hard to maintain things at this level, and yet again, the positivity and love, are replaced by negativity and the stresses and strains put on you and your partner.
Even though your partner still loves and appreciate you. They also have their own issues, challenges, hobbies and stresses that keep them occupied with themselves.
Slowly the insecurities and doubts start to creep in, as you secretly dread the thought of losing all the love and attention again.
The lessons to be learned are. You cannot always rely or depend on others to give you all their love and attention.
Nothing is more important to you, than to feel like you did when you were a young child and when you first met your partner.
But, because you cannot always rely on others to make you feel happy and secure. So now it is your responsibility.
If you crave for love. Then always remember that your inner being, has always loved you and always will.
How a happy relationship, might add, on years to your life?
According to research by the American Psychological Association.
A good happy and loving relationship can do wonders for your health and mood. And it may even help, to add on years to your life.
The report states, that isolation and loneliness, maybe linked to health and well-being issues.
The study suggests that. When you have two people who are working together to have a good and happy relationship. Then it can lead to many positive health and well-being benefits.
Close personal connections, can have a positive impact on our health and state of being. Whilst a bad or toxic relationship can have the adverse effect, causing you endless worry, anger and stress.
This is why it is of utmost importance, that you release your relationship insecurities that are toxic to your relationship and bad for your health and well-being.
If you suffer from chronic relationship insecurity, then you have a major disadvantage with your relationship and your levels of happiness.
.Relationship insecurities will simmer and boil within the confinements of your mind. They can make your life hell and they can make life a misery for your, probably confused, partner.
Obsessive thoughts and fearful emotions that come with insecurity, can be so powerful and overwhelming.
Although at heart, you just want a happy and loving relationship. Your obsessive thoughts can push you into doing and saying things that can potentially damage and destroy your relationship.
If you leave your insecurities untreated, they will fester under the surface. In the end, you will run the risk of destroying the very thing that is most important to you and your happiness.
But it is not just you that suffers, your partner will also feel the pain and if you have children, then it can affect them as well.
Your relationship insecurities, can make life unbearable for you, but they can also make life unbearable for your partner.
Yet, if you overcome your relationship securities. You and your partner can return to a normal life so you can go on to enjoy all the positive benefits and bliss, that a happy and intimate relationship can bring you.
However, if you leave your insecurities to carry on doing their damage, then it can lead to serious relationship problems, further on down the line.
Because, no matter how hard you try to suppress your feelings, thoughts and insecurities. The chances are, the strong feelings and emotions will keep on resurfacing and get the better of you.
Emotions and feelings can be so overwhelming, that you won't be able to help yourself, from seeking reassurance or constantly analyzing and checking your partners every move.
When your relationship is good. You feel good, and life becomes wonderful, blissful and easy.
But, when you have niggling relationship insecurities it negatively affects your life and it becomes difficult to enjoy a loving and fulfilling relationship.
But it is not just your emotional well-being and relationship that is at stake. All the worry and stress can take its toll on your health.
Relationship insecurities cause you to ask many intrusive questions, in your quest to seek reassurance and quell those underlying fears and doubts.
Your forever anxious and insecure mind pushes you into analyzing, questioning and doubting your partners every move.
When your insecurity takes over. You will ask those questions like:
- He/she, doesn't find myself attracted any more.
- Does he/she still love me?
- It is not the same as it used to be
- Is he/she going to leave me?
- What is he/she up to?
- Why hasn't he/she answered my text?
- Have I done something wrong?
- This is too good to last
- Everything always goes wrong for me
- I am driving him/her away
- I cannot stand the thought of losing him/her
- He/she, is losing interest in me
- He/she is more interested in their friend/hobbies
- Has he met someone else
- What's he/she up to/planning?
- Why is he/she so quiet?
- What can I do?
The next thing that tends to happen is. Once you pose your mind those questions of insecurity and doubt.
Your mind will try and come back with an answer, and it will usually paint a picture and tell a story of what you fear the most.
This will trigger an internal investigation and analysis, which will be based on your inner perceptions rather than real life facts.
Stopping your past from ruining your now
Don't always judge your current partner or circumstances by your past negative or unpleasant experiences, otherwise you will live your now carrying the emotional pain and baggage of your past.
If you allow it, your negative past can rob you of your deserved right of feeling happy now and leave you feeling insecure about your future.
A typical insecure pattern of thinking can something like this;
"My Husband/boyfriend-wife/girlfriend, left me- No men can be trusted!"
"I was cheated on by my lover, so you now stereotype all men/woman as being the same, so you convince yourself, how can you ever trust any man/women again"
"My partner who I loved and who I have been with for a long time left me. Therefore, I will never allow myself to fall in love again, because you only end up getting hurt!"
This type of generalizing can leave you feeling guarded and it can prevent people from being able to trust and commit into forming a new loving relationship.
Merely because of all the fear and anxiety of making the same mistakes again, or you now have the attitude of, is it worth the risk of getting hurt again.
This can also lead you into putting up your barriers and maybe becoming a bit too defensive and judgmental.
Love is a very powerful emotion and driving force, it can be great when love is blooming and everything is running smoothly, but it can crush you and bring you down, when it goes wrong, or more importantly, even if you think it is going wrong.
You must not allow your past to prevent you from having a happy relationship, what you have to be aware of is, all people and circumstances are different, so try not to let what has happened in the past to condemn yourself to live an unhappy life.
We learn to avoid anything that might cause us emotional pain, but not everybody is the same, so why allow somebody else that is no longer a part of your life, to make your life unhappy now or in the future.
If you find that your relationship insecurities and anxieties are getting the better of you, then you might benefit greatly by learning how to manage those anxious thoughts that are fueling your insecurities.
Do your insecurities run deeper?
If you are feeling insecure about your partner, then it can also force you to try and control them and get them to think and act how you want them to be.
Most people who are insecure in their relationship tend to hold many insecurities about themselves.
Many deep down, think that they are not good enough, worthy enough or deserving.
If this is the case, then, it will need addressing, each morning and before you go to bed, stand in front of the mirror and say ten times.
- I am good enough
- I am worthy enough
- I like myself
Although you would like to have the certainty that you and your partner will live happily ever after, you simply cannot have that guarantee and if you totally rely on your partner to determine your happiness then you run the risk of a life of more emotional insecurity and suffering.
What you cannot ever lose though, is your ability to feel good regardless of any outside person, situation, thing or possession.
You may stop together with your partner for the rest of your life, but this is not just about your relationship, it is also about you as well.
If you want to invest some time in feeling more secure and happy, then some of that time should be spent on working on feeling good about yourself and growing.
Because the only thing that is ever secure is the love that your inner being has for you, and when you're feeling insecure your going against what your inner being knows is best for you, so make peace with yourself and your relationship will take care of itself.
Learn to love and form a good relationship with yourself because your inner being is the only thing that you can truly rely on, and nothing can ever take that away from you.
What you do have full total control over is, your own happiness, your future, your thought processes and your feelings and it is equally important to love yourself as much as you love your partner.
Your relationship should not be the means to your happiness, your happiness should be the means to a great relationship.
You might want to ask yourself?
Are you just feeling insecure about your partner or do your insecurities run much deeper.
Because there could be some other underlying insecurities that you hold about yourself that could be the root cause of your relationship insecurities.
This can be thinking that you're not worth or good enough or it could be a sign that you undervalue yourself or you have a low opinion of yourself.
It is equally if not more important to love and feel good about yourself than it is to devote all your feelings and love to just your partner.
There is no one more important to you than you, and learning to like, respect and appreciate yourself are necessary ingredients for having a wonderful and loving relationship and life.
It is great to be in a loving and happy relationship, but what matters the most to you is the love that you have for yourself.
It is not wise to totally rely on your partner to determine how you feel, because they will have their own mood swings, issues and problems to deal with.
Feeling insecure is unattractive and a bad way to live your life, you will be more attractive if you start to feel good about yourself and your partner will thank you for it.
Return back to the good old days
Can you remember how great things were when you both first met, because when you first fall in love, it feels magical and wonderful in fact, there isn't a better feeling or time in our lives.
With that in mind, we have to ask ourselves, why do we allow the magic to end?
Therefore, instead of feeling insecure, try to respak the passion and behave and treat each other with the love and respect, that you did, when you both first met.
Be more romantic, be more passionate and be more spontaneous and surprise each other and buy each other a few little gifts, leave a love note, appreciate each other and have some days or nights out together.
To avoid conflict and to reduce your insecurities, have a conversation with your partner about the things that you both like doing.
If there is something bothering you, do not bottle it up, talk to your partner, in a calm manner, about what it is that is bothering you, so you can release it and let it go.
Whatever it is that is bothering you, accept it, surrender to it, let it go and then focus on what you want or do more of the things that you enjoy.
Once you find out what they like doing, so long as what they are doing is innocent, don’t try to change or stop them.
Many experts suggest that you make sacrifices in your relationship, but this can cause resentment and add more pressure.
So sometimes it is better, to allow them to do the things they enjoy, as long as it is not excessive, and as long as you both, spend some quality time together.
At the same time, spend some time doing the things that you like and enjoy. You have not got to spend, all your time together.
The key is, to meet each other halfway, instead of trying to be with your partner, or to constantly want to keep tabs on them, all the time, just to ease your own insecurities and doubts.
When you begin to release your insecurities, and you let go of the need to control, monitor and you stop becoming so clingy, then you will free yourself up, to enjoy doing some of the things that you like, which should work wonders for your relationship.
Emotional neediness and being addicted to love
When you become too insecure in your relationships it can indicate that you have become addicted to love where you may have reached a point of coming across as too needy, clingy and desperate which can be very unattractive to your partner.
Love is a very powerful emotion and it becomes even more powerful at times when you have become separate from a loved one or you think you're about to lose the love of your life.
This can drive you to desperate measures and irrational thinking patterns, actions and behaviours.
Some of the reasons that can make you become addicted to love is because somewhere along the way you may feel some of your emotional needs were not properly met or you do not like or love yourself as much as you should.
This can cause you to seek constant reassurance and security from your partner because it is the only way you have to balance and stabilize their emotions.
You will often find that things will begin to improve when you start to love yourself and you begin to feel worthy.
It is hard for us to be loved, if we don't feel worthy or deserving of love ourselves, and we can't feel worthy and deserving, without self love.
There is an old saying that states
"No one can love you more that you love yourself"
People will only give back to you, what you're prepared to offer to yourself.
The truth is, the only person that can diminish you and pull you down, is yourself and your own feelings or unworthiness and insecurity.
When you, let go of your insecurities, and you develop a sense of unconditional self love, your life and your relationship, will change for the better.
People who are insecure, tend to go about things the wrong way around, and instead of loving themselves first, they depend on others loving them, to make them feel secure and happy.
The trouble, is when you go about it this way, you will always be looking for reassurance from others.
When you learn to love, value and appreciate yourself, then you won't need to rely on the love of others, to allow you to feel good.
You will know when you have truly found and cultivated self love, when you feel at peace with yourself and your life, regardless of what is happening, on the outside.
When you decide to love yourself, you will open up the doors and opportunities to be loved back.
What stops you from loving yourself, are all those feelings, that you're
- Not wanted
- Not lovable
- Not worthy enough
- Not deserving of love
- Not good enough
- Not attract enough
- A bad person
- I don't like myself
These false types of damaging beliefs are not true and they don't belong to you, and they need to be changed to their polar opposites.
Start to make positive self statements that start with
"I love myself, because.... " (Fill in the blanks)
Channel your love in other ways
You cannot always rely and depend on your partner to give you the full undivided attention and emotional security that you seek.
The reason being is, they are far to often tied up with their own issues and interests, so no one is going to devote all their attention and give you the love you want and you feel you need all the time.
Love is a very powerful emotion to a point where the need to feel loved and wanted can start to disrupt your whole life where you might reach a point where you get to the stage where you're constantly yearning for love to much.
Maybe you have been hurt in the past or maybe you have lost someone you love and you are trying to recapture that love, connection and good times, perhaps you have been cheated on and that is driving your insecurities.
Your desire to be loved could stem back from your early childhood, perhaps you felt neglected or unloved when you were young and that has made you yearn and crave love now.
To make matters worse you may get envious of your friends and other people who you think are in a perfect relationship causing you to question, is there something wrong with you and asking yourself why does everything always go wrong for me.
This can leave you stuck in a seemingly never ending negative cycle.
Before you can have a happy and secure relationship you need to have a good relationship with yourself first and if you're a person who craves to be loved then you should first start to channel some of your love in other directions including on yourself.
Turn your inner passion, love and creativity into pursuing your true purpose, many famous writers, artists and musicians use their inner feelings to drive them to success and do more things of the things you love.
You will often find that when you come to terms with your own insecurities and you be yourself and you put more attention into loving yourself and feeling good without having any external conditions attached then your life will start to improve.
Because when your relationship with yourself improves your relationship with your partner or the opposite sex will improve as well.
And although your goal is to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with your partner, they are not going to be there all the time, so it is a good idea for you to pursue your own interests and goals.
Give up the need to try to control everything, otherwise, everything will control you
Your relationship insecurity can cause you to try to control your partner making you come across as bossy and to dominate.
When people are insecure and because of its links to anxiety, it can cause you to want to have a feeling of certainty that everything will always be OK.
But unfortunately the need for certainty can lead to more worry, stress and tension and even anger which can cause even more problems in your relationship.
You have to accept that you cannot have everything on your terms and the more you try and control your partner and your outside situations the worst you tend to make things.
It is far better to learn how to control your internal world and dialogue because when you master how to control your thoughts and emotions, then you will find that you will begin to calm down which will have a positive impact on your relationship.
Sometimes the insecure person will issue about their looks and their bodies and because they are insecure about their looks they will constantly look to their partners to seek approval and validate how good they look.
Even when their partner tells them that they look great, the insecure partner will not accept the nice comments.
Because they do not believe it or feel it.
They will often instantly dismiss or contradict the compliments by saying things like, no I don't, I look fat or I look ugly, this does not suit me.
It can be very frustrating and annoying for your partner, especially when their compliments are genuine and sincere, so accept all the nice things they say to you.
Yet if you are happy with yourself and happy in your own skin you won't need or seek out reassurance all the time with your partner.
The key is, accept what you cannot change and improve on the things you can.
If you keep putting yourself down and being harsh on yourself, that is what will become your self image which eventually will become a part of you and your reality.
So isn't it time you started being nice to yourself and when you love and accept yourself completely, then the good thing is you will begin to feel more secure in your relationship.
Remember the thoughts you have about yourself and your relationships will determine your actions and decisions that can determine the future outcome of your relationship and your life.
Trust in yourself and the fact that everything will workout, if you chillout and allow all that is good, to happen
Trust plays a massive role in the success of a relationship, this means trusting your partner and learning to have trust in yourself and your unique qualities.
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and once that trust as been broken it can be very hard to get back.
But trust is not always about your partner.
Because sometimes you have to learn to believe and value yourself, and trust that everything always works out right if you get out of the way and you allow things to work out without you trying to control everything including your partner.
Trust is vital if you want to end all your relationship insecurities, things that cause you to lose your trust are, being the victim of an affair and having a low opinion of yourself.
Try not to get too jealous unless it is really warranted, especially if your partner talks, admires or looks at the opposite sex.
Everybody talks to the opposite sex now and again.
Remember beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and they have chosen to be with you for a reason.
You will have a developed a special bond between you and your partner, the moment you show your insecurities is the moment you will begin to chip away at that special bond.
If you have deep insecurities then you need to address them and the sooner you deal with your insecurities the better otherwise you run the risk of causing a breakdown in the trust you have with your partner which can in time cause an unrecoverable rift between you.
It is far better to work on improving your relationship instead of trying to destroy all the good you already have.
Some people who feel insecure in their relationships wrongly presume that their partners have lost interest in them especially if they spend a lot of time pursuing their interests or working long hours.
Your partner and you should be allowed to enjoy doing their own things and being too possessive is a sign of insecurity.
But everybody should be entitled to do their own things and it does not necessarily mean they have lost interest in you and you can have separate interests yet you can still have a healthy and loving relationship.
Don't allow your own relationship insecurity and doubts from robbing you of a perfectly good and healthy relationship.
Tap into your true spiritual happiness
Learn how to deal with the root cause of your anger
Start to lower your stress levels and return back to inner peace
Enjoy the many health benefits of positive thinking
Nearly all the most successful people relax for twenty minutes a day
Stop fighting with your thoughts and learn how to quieten them
Wise up to fear and learn how to tame and outsmart the beast
Tips on how to become more successful in your life
Help to end panic attacks and general anxiety disorder
Use the power of hypnosis to tap into the software of your mind
Out with the old and in with the new ideal and more happier you