First Date Tips-What To Do On A First Date

At last, you've got a date. You feel the hard bit is over. But, then you have to face the uncertainty of getting through the first date.

Although you feel excited about the prospect of starting a new relationship. Sometimes, there can be nothing more nerve wracking and anxious than going on that first date.

Just the mere thought of it, can turn you into an emotional mess and get your heart beating like a drum.

Then all those self sabotaging question come into your mind. 

What shall I talk about, what clothes shall I where, where do we meet?

Or the what if questions pop up into your mind.

What if he/she doesn't like me, what if they want to end the date, what if we run out of things to say, what if i embarrass myself, what if we have nothing in common?

Of course you can flip those anxiety provoking what if thoughts around so you can change the negative energy to positive energy.


What if we get on great, what if everything goes well, what if we hit it off and the conversation just flows naturally.

When you are very young and we have our first date. You can be clueless, to how to approach it or know what to do or say, and the whole experience can be awkward and uncomfortable. 

But, even if you're the most confident adult person who has had more first date experience, you can still get the butterflies in your stomach.

And the whole experience can very quickly turn you into an awkward shy and nervous teenager again.

So, does a first date have to be such a terrifying ordeal or are there things you can do to calm those nerves and ensure that your date runs as smoothly as possible? Read on, to find out.

The first golden rule, on what to do on a first date. Is to make sure that you turn up on time, just try not to bed be late. If you are running late, phone or text them and let them know.

If you date is late. Try not to jump to any conclusions, as there might be a real genuine reason.

1) Look forwards to your date

One reason why we find a first date so terrifying and daunting is because we put to much pressure on ourselves.

The reason why you might feel so nervous and anxious is because you might feel that you need to be perfect in order to impress.

This can leave you feeling its a all or nothing situation, like you feel when you're going for a major job interview, and not on a date.

When you attach to much emotional significance and importance to your first date. Then this can cause your mind to worry ahead and imagine everything that could possibly go wrong.

Instead. Try to look forwards to your date. In your mind before you go on your date. Imagine and visualize, everything going well and see yourself enjoying yourself and having real fun. 

Imagine yourself feeling calm, cool and composed and imagine the whole date from start to finish going great.

On meeting, if you feel a bit nervous, don't try and hide it. Admit you feel a bit nervous, then ask your date how they feel.

This can help you both open up, express how you're feeling which can make you both feel a bit more at ease.

2) Be yourself

Although you want to make a good first impression, as you might be thinking, I have got one shot at this and you might convince yourself that "you never get a second chance to make a first impression".

The best you, is when you are feeling in the flow and you're just being yourself. 

Sometimes on a first date, we can pretend to be something were are not, so we can make a good first impression.

If you're a bit shy or nervous, you may feel as if you need a bit of alcohol to give you a bit of courage and to help settle those nerves.

A drink or two, is OK just to make you feel comfortable. But if you rely on drink to much, then at some point you're going to come unstuck.

If you show up, maybe you've had one two many drinks to try and boost your confidence, which transforms you into the extrovert and the life and soul of the party.

Then, your date might feel a little disappointed in you, when you have to face them when you're sober.

You also want to avoid, making the wrong impression.

If you may feel need to try and fake it and come across as something your not. But, by doing this you will be kidding yourself and kidding your date and you will struggle to keep up the pretense.

Also. Try to avoid the urge to brag, come across as being boastful or over building yourself up. The best approach is to aim to be honest, sincere and truthful, and be the real authentic you.

One of the worse things that you can do, is to exaggerate the truth or tell them things about you that are not completely accurate, just because you think it is going to impress them.

The best way to impress them, is to be yourself, enjoy the occasion and focus on having fun and a great time.

There is no point in trying to trick your date into believing you're something your not or pretending to be the person, you think they want or expect you to be.

Just, remember that, your perceived perceptions and concepts about your date, might be totally different, to theirs.

Try not to worry or second guess what you think they might be thinking, as you the chances of them sharing the same thoughts as you are very slim.

3) Trying act natural

Just remember your date is probably going through the same emotions, concerns and worries as you are.

It is best to just try and act natural. Instead of seeing it as a date where you feel you have to impress, put on a good show, go over the top or force things in an unnatural and often uncomfortable way.

Treat your date, a bit like you were on a night out with a good friend that you feel comfortable with.

The only real difference between, going on a first date and having a relaxed night out with a family member or close friend is.

When you're with somebody you know well. You, just know what to talk about your only goal is to have a good and fun, enjoyable night out.

Because, you feel relaxed, without the need to impress, you just relax and act naturally. You certainly, don't worry about what you're going to say or what they might be thinking about you.

But, when, you go on a first date, you tend to worry and plan ahead, imagining all kinds of scary scenarios. 

It might be better to try and forget about being on a date and putting added pressure on yourself.

And, just talk and act as you would, normally with a friend or family member. (You may need different subjects to engage in) but try not to see it as the big opportunity that you must not blow.

Yes, because you don't know them, you might have to improvise a bit with the conversation. 

To, help you with this, enjoy wanting to get to know them and want to learn more about them and what they like doing or spend some time researching about what's topical or what's trending at the moment.

But, apart from that. Remember, they are just a normal person, who has their own unique qualities, interests, insecurities and emotional needs.

The more you can feel comfortable and the more you can make them feel comfortable, the better chances are that your date will run smoothly.

Even, if there is no chemistry. You can still be friendly, respectful to your dates feelings and there is no reason that you can't still have a good time.

Try not to be too pushy, be patient, get to really know them first and let things happen naturally in their own time.

One of the worse things you can do, is to try to hard.

If it is meant to be for the two of you, then you won't have to try to hard or make a big effort.

Just play things by ear, see it things go, because if you both feel attracted to each other, then be natural and allow things to go, where they're meant to go.

4) Do a bit of preparation work first

The first thing that you should do before going on a first date, is to try and make sure they are single.

If they have a Facebook or twitter account. You can do a bit of spying and check it out, you can also do a bit of background digging and research into their hobbies, likes and interests.

Finding out a bit about them can help you keep the conversation going. 

Once you know a little about what they're into, you can research the topic or subject further. Even if that means having to watch some of their favorite film or TV shows or learn a bit about their hobbies and the kind of things tha they're interested in.

As this can help keep the conversation going and prevent to much of those awkward silences.

If you're feeling a bit anxious about your date. Look beyond the date, imagine you have been on your date and everything went well.

If you feel as if you're running out of things to talk about. Go, general, it does not matter if the subject is a bit boring or run of the mill, small talk. 

Because, it will help, when the conversations start to run ou, just keep the conversations light hearted.

Anxiety and nervous tension are physical states. Having a good workout or relaxing deeply before the date, can help you burn off any excess tension and stress.

As the date gets closer. If you're still feeling a bit anxious. Accept and acknowledge how you feel.

You can let yourself know. 

"Yes I am feeling a bit anxious, how I want to feel is peaceful and calm" (Sign up for the free email anxiety tips from the experts, on the left hand side bar or if you're on a mobile, at the bottom of the page, if you are overly anxious).

Try and have the attitude thar. "Whatever happens, you'll be OK). 

Accept it is OK to feel a bit uncomfortable. Feel the feelings, and just let them pass right on through you. Then change any negative thoughts to the positive alternative.

Leading up to the date. Distract yourself, read, watch a funny film or engage in your hobbies and interests.

Even, if the date doesn't workout, try not to get too disheartened, as long as you did your best, that's all you can do, try not to see it is not the end of the world.

If you are going on a date with a complete stranger, (especially for the woman) who lets say, you have met on the internet.

Make sure you first few dates are in places, where they are other people about. Until you can gain enough trust in him.

If your gut intuition is telling you something is not right. Play it on the safe side, and trust your intuition, over the trust of your date.

5) Be generally interested in them

Try to be interested in them and what they have to say, and do your best to treat them well and try to make them feel comfortable and important as you possibly can.

When two people do not really know each other, it can feel hard to find things to talk about.

If you know little about them. Ask them questions to help keep the conversations going and involve them by asking for their thoughts and opinions. 

Because questions. Show that you're interested in them and they are a great way of finding things out so about them so you can explore the topic or subject more.

Ask them, questions about. Their interests, hobbies, families, their goals and ambitions, there life so far, etc.

If they don't seem interested in what you're saying, it may benefit you to move onto a different topic of conversation.

Although asking questions, is a good way to break the ice and keep the conversations flowing.

Try not to ask, question after a question, as you don't want to come across as if you're interrogating them or interviewing them on a chat show.

Once you have asked them a question. You could follow up, with a bit about yourself or if you know a bit about what the subject there talking about is, join in and further the conversation.

Listening to what they have to say and showing interest in them and meaning it, is usually a good policy to follow.

Try to keep the conversations flowing, but allow them to speak as well.

If they ask you lots of personal questions. Then this can be a good indication that they are interested and curious about you and it suggest, they probably want to get to know you better.

Before you go on your date. See how many subjects of conversation you can come up with, add in a bit of humor if you can.

It doesn't matter that much what you're talk about as long as you're communicating with each other, if you know the things they like, then that will give you an added bonus.

Talk about yourself and what yo like doing or what you're interested in, what upsets you or what you feel strongly about.

Although some people are open about their past relationships, It might be best to steer clear of this subject or only talk about your past relationships if they want to or they bring up the subject.

If you really like them, subtly show it and show that you care and your interested. Remember to be nice courteous and respectful, as actions. speak louder than words.

A few compliments are fine, as long as you don't over do it.

6) Feel good about yourself

There is an old saying

"When you look good on the outside, you feel good on the inside".

Dress smarts, you don't have to go over the top and make yourself look presentable.

But although you want to look your best on your first date. In is not all about looks.

A better way of putting it would be.

"When you feel good on the inside, you look good on the outside and you radiate positive energy"

If you have any insecurities about yourself. Let them go.

Yes, you can look your best on the outside, buy some new trendy clothes and hit the gym, if you want.

But, it is more important to feel good about yourself on the inside.

Accept yourself unconditionally and forget about all your perceived weaknesses and the things you cannot change and focus on all your strengths and the things you can work on.

You may have heard it said many times before.

But, a natural bubbling personality, a big smile, being nice, friendly, respectful and interested in your date, is all you need.

Looks don't last forever, but love and a great and friendly personality, does.

Try not to judge your date or go with a list of expectations and criteria, that they have to meet.  

7) Avoid trying to be perfect

Again. Because of the need to want things to go well and because of the amount of importance and emotional significance we sometimes heap on ourselves.

It can cause us to worry about and imagine every conceivable thing going wrong.

Your human, and as humans we are not meant to be perfect.

Trying to be perfect and wanting everything to go perfect, can be your own downfall. It just breeds anxiety and feelings of insecurity.

When you try to be perfect, it prevents you from being ourselves and stops you from being spontaneous and flowing naturally.

It does not matter, if you make small mistakes, get a bit tongue tied or you don't always come across the way you want.

You cannot be confident and come across as being faultless, all the time. 

Just, trust that everything will work out, just fine. Try not to go inwards and focusing on yourself, how you're coming across 

Or trying to second guess or imagine what you're date is thinking about you. Instead of doubting yourself worrying about what might happen.

A good approach might be, instead of trying to impress or come across as being perfect. Because, when you do that, it can leave you feelings as if, you have to entertain, be the comedian or put on a show.

This can make you self doubt yourself and leave you feeling as what you say and do, will be put under their scrutiny of your date or it can trick you into thinking that your being judged or that everything you do, is not good enough.

The reality is, you have no idea what they think or might be thinking, therefore it is much better to try and express yourself in a spontaneous and natural way.

Just believe that you're good enough, worthy enough and deserving enough to be with your date and stay externally focused and fully engage in the present moment and on what you're saying and what you're partner is saying.

8) Where to go on your first date

If you are the extrovert and confident person, who has plenty to say. Then, it does not matter where you go on your first date.

But if you are a bit shy or nervous, like the majority of people are.

It can pay to go somewhere fun on your first date.

The advantages of this are. It will give you both something to do, it will give you more to talk and joke about and if you're both having fun, then it will help to relax you and ease the nerves.

If you are both happy and have a fun time. Then, that will also leave a happy memory, which can help to attach a positive emotional experience.

If, you go to a bar. Then, it can be hard going and you can run out of things to talk about/

If you go to places like bowling, a movie or fun activities, then it gives you something to focus on and engage in, so it can help fill in the gaps and take off some of the pressure. 

You will have also have something to talk about, after.

These days everybody carries a mobile phone with them. But, especially on your first date, it might be advisible, to switch off your phone, so you can give your date, your full undivided attention.

9) Don't try to hard

The secret in life is not to try to hard or put too much pressure on yourself. The funny thing is when you stop trying to be perfect, you will come across much better and you will flow naturally.

It doesn't matter if your not perfect, nobody is. If you run out of things to say, don't panic or try to force things. Just take a few deep breaths and savour the silence.

Release the urge to try to hard, stop trying to force things unnaturally, just relax, take the pressure of yourself, let you know that you're doing your best and that is all you can do, you are enough.

And when you get out of the way and stop trying to be unnaturally, and you just allow things to happen and flow naturally and intuitively and you take the pressure of yourself, you will be at your best and things will go better.

Try to take the attention off yourself an focus on your surroundings and what you and your date are saying.

And what you will find is, you will do what you're doing better, you will effortlessly perform and to be at optimum and maximum peak performance best.

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Written by Hypnosis Downloads co-founder Mark Tyrrell


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