Could You Do With A Bit More Self Confidence?
You can buy the latest designer clothes or shoes. You can have your hair cut or styled. You can even go to the gym and tone your body, drink alcohol or try and fake your self confidence.
But if you do not feel it or believe it on the inside, your low self confidence is going to sooner or later, expose you or trip you up.
Its not surprising that many people want to have more self confidence, after all Self esteem and self confidence are the secret to happiness, high performance levels and more success in every area of our lives.
Without self confidence, we struggle through our day to day life. Many people use alcohol to settle their nerves and help to give them more confidence and courage.
We've all done it. the trouble with using alcohol is, it is only temporary and it gives us a hangover.
How we are and how we feel after having a few drinks is often the person we really are.
The trouble is, many of us have lost our true confident authentic self due to all our negative programming and negative experiences.
Often, the person that you're trying to escape from is not really the real you. It is your default setting and negative programming that is being run by your negative self image of yourself.
Self confidence is also incredibly important as it can help you relax, interact and enjoy yourself socially. Plus it can help you with your career, your relationships, your self-image and many more parts of your life.
Those who have higher levels of self confidence are more likely to get a better job, be more successful create better social connections, strike up conversations and live better and more happier lives.
Yet even though it is very important. It appears that very few people have the commitment to be able to develop their self confidence in the area's of their life, where they need it the most.
Self confidence is a natural state of mind and body that we all possess already.
Therefore, you could say that is something we lose rather than develop. The thing with self confidence is, it is something that can fluctuate from day to day and even moment to moment.
This means you're already probably confident in some areas of your life, but it may also mean that you feel insecure and vulnerable in other areas.
We all experience, fluctuations in our confidence levels from time to time, but most people quickly bounce back and return back to their natural level of confidence.
But for some people their confidence can be very fragile at times. Where the slightest setback, disappointment negative experience or failure can soon see their self confidence take a big hit.
A constant lack of low confidence feelings and emotions can severely limit you and restrict you in many self defeating wys.
In fact low self confidence is one of our single biggest barriers that prevent us from experiencing, happiness, forming loving and happy relationships, achieving success and live a life of fulfillment.
If you're suffering from low confidence. Then there could be many reasons that are causing it.
Often it is a combination of a few things or an accumulation of years of low self worth, low self respect and low self esteem.
Some of the root causes of low self confidence are:
- Body image-body conscious
- Feeling inferior
- Feeling intimidated
- Fear and anxiety
- Negative memories
- Lack of self belief
- Lack of nutrition/food intolerance/inflammation
The key to developing self confidence is all about learning to manage your state, taking good care of yourself and rewiring your brain.
Is there a difference between low self confidence and low self esteem?
As we have already mentioned. Self confidence is a state of being and feeling that can fluctuate, which has a lot to do with your well-being, mood, physiology, health and your past mental conditioning.
Self confidence is about feeling comfortable in situations, believing in your ability to attempt or to something or believing in your ability to learn new skills.
Confidence is not a case of needing certainty It is more of a case of knowing that "whatever happens you'll be OK or you can handle it".
Self esteem is more of a constant which is based on how much you like yourself, you kind you treat yourself, the beliefs that you hold about yourself and your emotional conditioning.
Other aspects that play a part in your self esteem levels are your self image, your self respect. how you value yourself, your levels of self worth and you beliefs in your own ability.
Having a healthy level of self esteem, will help you to build and develop your self confidence.
Therefore, if you desire to build and develop your self confidence then you should also work on building your self esteem levels.
Because the higher your levels of self esteem are, the more comfortable you will feel socially and the more likely you will take on new challenges and the more prepared you will be to step out of your comfort zone.
The biggest enemy to self confidence is fear, low confidence emotions, stress and tension.
The way in which we look after ourselves and the our physiology and posture can affect or levels of confidence and self-esteem.
Physical body language, like slouching, talking quietly or looking down at the floow can impact our moods and our confidence levels.
Trying to sit and stand too tall, too straight or too stiff and rigid is equally as bad as this can cause muscles stiffness and tension, which also lowers our self confidence.
Poise, alignment, balance and good coordination of the body is the key to feeling good and feeling more confident and more charismatic.
Learning the Alexander Technique or practising the art of tai chi are great ways to move, sit and stand with poise, grace and good balance and alignment.
How you perceive yourself and your belief in yourself and you capacity to grow in confidence and learn new skills and take on new tasks and challenges.
Even if it means going through the discomfort barriers, will have a strong influence on how confident and self assured you will become.
Your inner self talk and dialogue is equally as important.
Self doubting yourself and your capabilities can lower yourself esteem and self confidence.
When you automatically assume that:
- You're not good enough
- You're not very good at
- You won't be very good at
- I can't
- I'll never
Then the chances are, you will be setting yourself up to fail before you start, you will self sabotage, you won't even bother trying new things or to get better or you'll try it once or twice and give up.
Instead of having a go. Then analysing how you could do things better next time and then devise a plan of action or work on your confidence or skill levels.
If that old negative or self sabotaging inner voice crops up in your mind.
Telling you that you're not good enough, capable enough, smart enough or it tries to self sabotage you by telling you that you will fail, you will look a fool, you will embarrass yourself, you'll look stupid, ect:
Remind yourself those negative thoughts are not you nor are they truthful or accurate.
They are just the voice of your the low self esteem part of you or the poor self image part of you, which can be changed, through repetition.
The way to increase your self esteem and self worth can be achieved through repetition, practice, unlearning and relearning.
Why doubt yourself and be harsh and critical of yourself when you can encourage yourself, believe in yourself and be kind and nice to yourself?
Another thing that can destroy your self confidence levels is imagining everything go wrong.
When we imagine things going wrong all the time, we are effectively conditioning ourselves to see the imagined event or situations as being threatening.
This makes us feel anxious and stressed leading up to the event and when the time comes we feel nervous and fearful.
Always see and imagine yourself how you wish to be and feel, imagine things gong well. If you're worried or feeling anxious about a forthcoming event or situation.
Imagine yourself after the even as happened. Go beyond the point you're worried about and focus on how safe and secure you are and how well things went.
Boost your self confidence with The Confidence Trigger
How your limiting beliefs and learned behaviors can decrease your self confidence
Many people struggle with low self esteem and low confidence due to their limiting beliefs that they have created out about themselves.
Limiting beliefs can hold you stuck in your comfort zone, keep you small, destroy your self confidence and prevent you from relaxing and being yourself socially.
Limiting beliefs and our subconscious learning and programming can stop us from achieving success and restrict us in many other self limiting and self defeating ways.
Your limiting beliefs which are formed by your past negative experiences, your past mental conditioning and how others have influenced you.
These self imposed barriers that you have created are there to prevent you from making mistakes, failing or prevent you from embarrassing or humiliating yourself.
The problem is. These false fears, beliefs and insecurities will hold you stuck in the comforts of your safety zone and they will restrain you from growing in confidence and prevent you from doing the things that you really, want to do.
Our false fears, beliefs and insecurities can become so intense, everytime we step out of our comfort zone, that they can cause us to.
- Give up to early
- Not try at all
- Develop a fear of failure
- Achieving your goals and dreams
- Feel anxious and nervous
- Feel worried and stressful
From a very early age we are bombarded with negative suggestions, insecurities and fears, the opinions of others, regardless of whether they are right or wrong or helpful or unhelpful for us.
As we grow older and attend school, colledge and then work we continue to absorb and process all this negative information, suggestions and beliefs.
On top of this. We pick up and create our own limiting and negative beliefs, fears and insecurities which become mixed up with negative feelings and emotions that we develop through our negative experiences and the way we handle and react to our negative experiences.
Sometimes your mind can form a limiting belief or a negative neural pathway and association from one single negative or stressful experience.
Other times, it can be more of a progressive cumulative experience that are similar or related.
The more you fear, avoid or worry about your fears or having to face a stressful or challenging situation, the more you will strengthen and intensify your fears, worries and insecurities.
The ideal way to go about things is to learn and grow from your negative experiences so you can form positive and helpful beliefs as well as creating positive neural associations and pathways.
Unfortunately, many people create negative beliefs and associations that can directly affect and affect your quality and way of life.
Our negative and limiting thoughts and beliefs can also have stressful and physical effects on us.
The more you reinforce, strengthen, react badly and intensify your negative beliefs, fears and associations, the more emotional intensity you will attach to them and the more they will affect you, mentally and physically.
Not only will your limiting and negative beliefs mold your self image, They can also lower your self confidence and your self esteem.
Then can also increase your levels of anxiety and stress which can lead to low confidence emotions, feelings of unhappiness and low feeling moods.
This can leave you feeling as if you will never be able to achieve your goals or live the life that you want to, making you feel like avoiding social interaction or not wanting to attempt new things.
Limiting beliefs and negative neural associations can cause you to self judge, self doubt and self criticize yourself making it hard for you to envision a better, more positive and more compelling future.
The physical shifts that you can experience in your body can be.
- Low moods
- Low confidence feelings and emotions
- Anxiety, tension and stress
- Bad temper or feeling agitated
- Restless mind and body
- Shortening in store
- Feelings of hopelessness, insecurity and pessimism
- Lack of drive, energy and motivation
All of these can affect your well-being, your tone of voice, your speaking and how you think, behave, react and feel.
Changing your limiting beliefs
A belief is neither true or false, it is just a set of thoughts and your perception of things.
Positive beliefs, positive self statement and positive thoughts will empower you and they will support you in you efforts to be, do and have, what you want.
Negative beliefs will limit you, restrict you and hold you back. Negative beliefs and thoughts will also disempower you and keep you scared and small.
Fill your mind with positive and supportive beliefs, self statement, self talk and thoughts.
When we worry or feel anxious, it undermines our self confidence.
Worry, negative thoughts and anxiety make us feel bad.
When were worrying, thinking negative or we're having anxious thoughts. We're often focusing on what we don't want, what we think might go wrong or what we fear might happen.
If you're worrying or you're feeling anxious about something that you know, cannot physically harm you or you're feeling unconfident about something.
Start to change your negative beliefs, attitude and self perceptions.
Instead of worry, fear or dread. Use positive words to replace the things that your worrying or dreading happening to replace all that negative energy, like.
- I am happy to
- I love
- I am looking forwards
- It sounds like good fun
- It's OK for me
- Whatever happens, I know I'll be OK
- I will enjoy
Let's say you're dreading going to a party.
Anytime you start worrying about it,
Reply to yourself.
"I more than happy to go to the party"
"I am looking forwards to going to the part, it sounds like great fun"
Condition your mind to see things going well and condition your mind to react with calm and positive emotions rather than conditioning your mind to associate the thing, situation or event as being threatening.
An, "I can attitude or I can learn or get better"
Is also a must if you want to increase your self confidence and your self esteem as are the types of self affirmations, listed below..
- I am good enough
- I am capable enough
- I have the ability
- I am smart enough
- I am confident enough
- I am powerful enough
- I am attractive enough
- I am courageous enough
The first step is to identify your limiting beliefs. Then one you have identified them, you can begin to change them.
Pay attention to your inner dialogue, the words you speak and how you feel. Your feelings, emotions, actions and behaviors are all tell tale signs of your limiting beliefs.
Once you are aware of your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. The next step is to start to change them, replace them or begin to think differently.
Many of your negative and limiting beliefs will be accompanied by negative feelings and emotions and it is those strong feelings and physical responses that are causing you the real problem.
Set your intention or decide what you want
Once you have pinpointed and identified, your limiting beliefs and negative responses. It is time to decide what you want or what you want to be your desired, end outcome or goal.
Write down or state what you want, what you want to change or how you would like things to be. Because, having a clear idea of what you want or how you would like to be is the first step to becoming it.
On your list you could write:
- Your goals you would like to achieve
- What you intend to overcome
- How you would like to be
- How you would like to feel
- What you want to do or change
Ask yourself, what beliefs aren't working for you or helping you, what beliefs are holding you back, what beliefs are preventing you from achieving your goals, etc:
Then question, challenge and change those beliefs.
Once you have become clear about the limiting beliefs that are holding you back, you can start the process of overcoming these limiting beliefs and increasing your self-esteem.
If you're trying to change or overcome a worry or anxiety. Sometimes you have to force your mind to accept that what you're feeling anxious about is
- You can handle it
- You'll be OK
If you're have any anxious thoughts or feelings.
Say to yourself silently but firmly, over and over again, something like
- I can handle it, so the anxiety is not necessary
- I am happy to ...... , so the anxiety is not necessary
- If that happens, I'll be OK, so the anxiety is not necessary
If you're met with any resistance. Keep repeating a positive statement or safety message, until the resistance gives in.
Express yourself and voice your opinions
People who are low in self esteem and low in self confidence, often hold back or hesitate, because they feel embarrassed to express themselves or they think what they say isn't worthy enough.
Or they talk themselves out of voicing their opinions or expressing themselves because they worry what others think or what them might say.
Sometimes they even feel as if, what they have to say or contribute, is not worth them saying. so they do't bother.
Others hold back because they are gripped by anxiety, they're worried about feeling embarrassed or they don't like to disagree or go against what everybody else thinks or believes.
You voice, viewpoint and opinion does matters and it is important for you to express yourself and say what you would really like to say.
If you stay silent, then this again can be a sign of low self esteem or you doubt yourself or you're not sure if your opinion is valid.
You may worry, that others will disagree with you, what you're saying is not accurate, you have limited knowledge on the subject or they are not going interested in what you have to say.
The more you read, learn and pay attention to what other people like or talk about. The more input and insight, you will be able to offer.
When you know your subject and the knowledgeable you gather. Then this will make you more of an expert or more of an authority figure on the subjects or matters of debate.
Moving beyond your comfort zone
The only way we grow in confidence is by stepping out of our comfort zone. The key is to move forwards and a pace that is right for you,
To get you started, start off by setting yourself a small goal or risk each day. Do something that you would normally shy away from doing or something that will make you feel a bit uncomfortable.
Or start a goal, hobby or project that you have been thinking about doing, but you may have been putting yourself off.
Far too often, we self doubt ourselves and talk ourselves out of doing or saying the things that we really want to.
Remember, your voice and your opinions matter, so express yourself and have your say. You have not got to be angry or aggressive. Instead, express yourself in a calm and assertive energy, but try not to upset others.
The the biggest obstacle that gets in most people's way is the fear of failure, the fear of something bad happening or the fear of something going wrong.
The trouble is if you give in to your fears and worries and you choose to play it safe. Then you will never learn, grow, expand and move forwards.
instead of playing it safe. Learn to embrace fear rather than wanting to avoid it. Use your fear to drive you and push you forwards, so you can become a more confident and better you.
Sometimes the way to get better, is do just try and relax and do more of the things that you would normally shy away from doing or saying.
When we step outside of our comfort zone or we try something new it is natural to feel a bit uncomfortable at first.
Don't try and suppress or hold back your feelings and emotions. Instead, let the emotions pass through you and away, then just let it go, learn to relax around your fears and anxious thoughts.
Sometimes we are more afraid of your imagination than we are of the actual situation. But you can choose to ignore your imagination, by taking a step back from your mind and relaxing your body at the same time.
It is better to experience a bit of mild discomfort and step out of your comfort zone. Rather than you later, looking back with regret, because you allowed you fear to bully you, dominate your decisions and control you.
Feel the fear and do what you want to do despite how you feel. You can still prepare for, plan and cover all eventualities, but embrace the fear and do it anyway.
Use your powerful imagination wisely, to create and design the things that are going to help you and make it a habit to imagine things going well for a welcome change and notice the shift in your energy.
Develop good sitting, moving and standing habits to boost your self confidence
They say your power is in your posture and having good organization, balance and poise will help you to feel better, plus it will boost your self confidence and your self esteem.
As we have already mentioned, Part of self confidence is about your well-being and feeling good, the other part of building confidence requires, the rewiring and reprogramming of your brain.
Tense, collapsed or S shape types of posture will soon have you feeling bad, tense and uncomfortable as they are associated with negative energy and feelings of insecurity.
These types of postures are directly linked to our fight or flight reflex response, anxiety, tension, low confidence emotions and low moods.
Ideally what you would like is to feel poised, aligned and balanced, so your muscles are soft, your bones are supporting you and you expereicne that blissful flow like state of being.
Good poise, balance and alignment will leave you feeling more confident, more powerful and more charismatic.
When we sit and stand in poor posture we lose our power and it cause negative energy and we quickly start to feel those low confidence emotions.
One thing that cause us to lose our confidence is when the head becomes unbalanced off the top of the spine.
To feel confident you need to exhibit good poise, alignment and balance. It is impossible to have good balance and poise if the head is out of balance and alignment with the rest of the body as this cause muscle tension and strain..
Such as when we pull the back of our head down and we protrude our head forwards, we drop our head too far down, we lift up your chin to high or we lean too far forwards or backwards.
Some people mistakenly confuse confidence with lifting up their chin, sticking their chest out and forcing back their shoulders. This is actually and aggressive posture, not a poised and balanced one.
Another common habit that can throw us off balance s when we push our hips too far forwards or too far back.
When our head becomes unbalanced off the top of our spine or we sit or stand out of balance the body has to compensate for this by shortening some muscles and over tensing others.
When we sit or stand with good poise, alignment and balance. Our muscles will begin to release and soften and the energy will flow freely around our body, leaving us feeling good, happy and comfortable.
When our head becomes off balance form the top of our spine and we allow our body to tense or collapse, then not only can this affect our mood, it can also affect how we speak.
Good poise, alignment and balance. Will allow you to be more assertive, be more confident and you will also speak more clearly and fluently.
When we feel insecure and anxious. It can cause us to speak more hurriedly, it can make us feel clumsy and embarrassed and we can forget our words.
When you're hurrying your sentences or you're not speaking clearly. Then this can be a sign of low self esteem and low confidence, which is often linked to your physiology and posture.
The head should ideally be released off the top of the spine, resting slightly forwards and up.
You can buy a good Alexander Technique book on Amazon or there are plenty of Alexander Technique videos on youtube.
Rewire your brain to feel more confident
We become underconfident through our learning, mental programming and our negative experiences.
The way to feel more confident all those situations where you feel you could do with a bit more confidence all comes down to rewiring the part of your brain that can only learn by doing practising and repeating.
After we have been practising feel anxious and unconfident for a while in specific situations. Eventually our body, automatically learns how to react with fear, stress, tension and low confidence emotions.
Just as you would program a computer. You need to know how to reprogram your brain and body, to feel cool, calm and comfortable in all those situations where before you would struggle with your confidence.
It is important for you to realize that small steps lead to big changes over a period of time and if you keep practising and doing then before long you will feel less anxious and more comfortable.
When people feel anxious, they tend to try and avoid the situations or thing, to help relieve them of their feelings of discomfort.
The problem with this approach is when you deploy avoidance or safety tactics. The chances are you will make your anxiety even worse.
Being aware of how you're feeling is the first step to becoming more confident.
Anxiety, low moods, stress and tension will lower your levels of self confidence. This is why it is so important for you to take good care of yourself, physically and emotionally.
The opposite to all those negative states are calm, happy and balanced. Therefore, these are what your number one priority should be.
Feeling confident is all about learning how to train your mind and body to feel calm and at ease.
Once you have started to feel anxious or uncomfortable, you must never try to fight or resist your feelings and emotions, as that just makes you feel more anxious and uncomfortable.
Relaxing and controlling your mind, body and emotions is the key to feeling more confident.
Be more aware of the thoughts and imagining that you're having a be more aware how you're feeling.
When we begin to feel anxious or stressed. Adrenaline is released into our body, our muscles tighten and our heart starts to beat faster.
Once you stress and fight or flight response as been activated, you are left with one choice and that is to start to relax.
On the onset of any anxiety, stress or tension. Immediately, begin to relax your body and slow down your breathing.
Sense how your body is feeling, but do not try and resist your thoughts, feelings and emotions.
When we feel anxious, our muscles tend to tighten. So, just relax and release and tension, whilst you take some slow deep breaths.
Take a step back from your mind, feeling and emotions and instead of participating in your thoughts, imaginings and feelings.
Practice, detaching yourself, as if you're now the conscious observer, Continue to relax and carry on relaxing any part of your body that is tense or stressful.
The idea is not to try and change your thoughts and feelings at this moment, but instead. Just train yourself to relax and change your state with the least amount of effort and resistance.
The key is to allow your brain to change so you start to replace feelings of fear, anxiety and low confidence emotions with good feelings of calm, comfortable and happy.
Reprogramming your brain so you lower those feelings and responses of fear, stress and tension, whilst at the same time you begin to strengthen those positive feelings of calm, cool and composure.
This will allow your brain and body yo think, feel and behave in new and better ways.
Self Hypnosis is one of the best and fastest ways to Boost Your Self Confidence.
Changing your thinking faults
Everybody engages and develops thinking faults, thinking distortions and thinking errors which can seriously hinder your self confidence, your self esteem and your performance levels.
These are our old and unhelpful, negative thinking patterns that we all slip into at times when we feel nervous, anxious or stressed,
Especially when we learn that we have to face something new or we are in or about to face a situation that would normally make us feel anxious, worried or nervous.
Our old negative thinking patterns and imaginings can feel very real and appear very believable.
To such a point where we act and respond to our our thoughts and imaginations as if they are true and sure to happen.
Very often our inner depiction and distortion of our reality, is far more dangerous and scary than are actual reality itself.
Most of the time we are engulfed in anxiety and fear, even though we are perfectly safe in the present moment.
Or we self doubt yourself so much, that we talk ourselves out of trying new things or even doing the things that we want to do.
Our thoughts and imaginings not only make us feel nervous anxious and stressed, they also makes things and our lives much more difficult than they need, to be.
The more you trust and believe our negative thoughts and imaginings the more they will bother you and the more they will get the better of you.
Try to identify your critical thinking patterns and errors, and then challenge them, dismiss them and change them.
Not allowing for mistakes, not accepting things or yourself and trying to be perfect is one of the rot causes of negative thinking patterns and behaviors.
Life is a journey full of learning, discovering and messages.
The iron is, you will do much better and things will workout better for you.
If you give up trying to be perfect, you accept your perceived faults and weaknesses and you stop caring too much about things going wrong.
Careless and plan for the best outcome.
If there is something upsetting you or bothering you. Deal with it in the best way you can, prepare for the best outcome and then let it go.
You have not go to be perfect nor have you got to get it right the first time or the second or third. All you have to do is learn and see if you can do things a bit better each time.
Perceptionism and worrying about everything going wrong is a thinking error.
It is fine to plan and prepare for all eventualities, but are allowed to make mistakes and you are permitted to imagine things going well or right as well.
If you think in either black or white, such as you're right or wrong, something is safe or threatening you can or you can't then this will leave no room for any alternative ways of thinking.
Those who think in either black or white terms, with no room for adjustments can suffer with high levels of anxiety and low confidence and low self esteem.
Just because you tell yourself you can't doesn't mean you can or you can't learn.
Just because you have convinced yourself that you can't do it doesn't mean you cannot do it are just because you're not very good at something doesn't mean that you cannot get better at that particular thing.
Many people who suffer with low confidence and high levels of anxiety. Very often over exaggerate the dangers and risks and underestimate their own abilities to learn and better themselves.
They also focus on the worst case outcome or they imagine every conceivable thing that could possibly go wrong instead of focusing on things working out well or focusing on how they would like to feel or how they would like things to go.
Simple changes in your thinking can start to take you off into a much better direction.
Another important thing to do avoid is trusting in your imagination and your negative beliefs rather than looking for the facts or what is most realistically likely to happen.
Our minds tend to use what they already know and what they have already learned as evidence to gauge how we should feel, react and behave and what we should or should not do in the future.
Try not use negative words like.
- I can't
- I am not
- It's not me
- I am just not very good at
Another important lesson in building yourself confidence is learning how to accept and handle uncertainty.
Because, feeling the need for uncertainty creates and never ending need for more certainty.
In life you cannot control everything that happens externally nor can you predict the future, therefore there is little point in trying.
What you can do is learn how to accept uncertainty with the attitude of.
Whatever happens you'll be OK or you can handle it"
Because the only way to have the reassurance you're seeking is to give your mind messages of safety,
Always answer those what if questions and imaginings with a positive and reassuring answer. Otherwise, your mind will constantly seek reassurance when it has no idea of the end outcome.
Always imagine everything going well and always imagine yourself handling those stressful situations in a calm and composed manner.
When your mind has no way of knowing something, Either imagine the best possible outcome or imagine yourself handling and being OK with the worst outcome.
Managing your inner self-talk and taking good care of yourself
Your self talk is neither true or false or right or wrong, it just consists of how you talk to yourself on a daily basis, but it can have a profound impact on who you are, your self esteem levels, you levels of success and how well you perform.
Because how you feel, think, behave and act has a lot to do with the way you talk to yourself.
Our self talk and the thoughts that we think are often a emotional match to how you handle and react to your external events, situations and emotional triggers.
If you react badly to an external situation, things or other people or you perceive things and situations negatively then this can create negative feelings and associations like worry, frustration, upset, anxiety and stress.
However If you take a more calmer and positive approach and attitude to any negative external stimuli or situations. Then you won't experience all those bad feelings and emotions for weeks on end.
Your self talk can either empower you tremendously or it can disempower you tremendously. Depending on how you choose to react, deal with or handle your difficult, challenging or stressful, external situations.
Negative self talk, lowers your self esteem and self confidence. Whilst positive and encouraging self talk leads to higher levels of self esteem and increased self confidence.
The reality is. It is just as easy to react calmly and rationally as it is to react negatively and as it is just as easy and a lot less painful to use positive, friendly and encouraging self talk.
Therefore best choice must surely be, to use positive, nice and encouraging self talk.
If you notice that you have got into the habit of using self critical and negative self talk.
For example. If you're always telling yourself that you're stupid or no good.
Then you need to step in front of the mirror, take a good look at yourself. And tell yourself that you're smart enough and good enough.
The same if you have body conscious issues and at some point in our lives, most of us have. The thing is beating yourself up all the time or disliking yourself or not being happy with your body, solves nothing.
This is why the sooner you start to unconditionally, accept yourself, the better. Still work on keeping fit and toned and still work on building your self esteem and self confidence.
But accept yourself and give yourself some positive encouragement.
Because sometimes, it is far better to accept yourself for who you are than it is to try and change and improve.
When we dislike parts of our body or certain parts of our body, we are saying we don't accept and like ourselves.
This is the fastest way to crush your self esteem and your self worth.
Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, worry, low self confidence and low self esteem are born from not liking and not accepting ourselves.
The golden rule is to change what you can and accept what you cannot change.
Stop caring so much and be happy with yourself and life will start to treat you better.
If you can look in the mirror and you can learn how to accept and appreciate your body. After a while your self esteem will increase and you will feel, a lot better for it.
It is also very important to begin to like and respect yourself.
Find or create some positive affirmations that will help you to increase your self esteem and self respect.
Each morning and before you go to bed. Stand in front of the mirror and repeat your positive affirmations about yourself.
Again, there is much more to you and you have much more to offer the world, than just your looks.
Avoid comparing yourself to others as well and avoid wanting to be like other people you admire or look up to.
You are unique, and you have your own special traits and characteristics.
Therefore, rather than wanting to be like somebody else. Work on turning yourself into, your very best, powerful, special and limitless self.
Many people idolise celebrities or they wish they could be more like other people.
What they don't realize is. Other people are often faking their confidence and happiness levels and they themselves are hiding behind their own insecurities and egos or they are trying to deal with own issues.
We are all equal, on every level. No one is better and no one is worse. Those who put others down or those who try and bolster themselves up as being better.
Are usually trying to hide behind their over inflated egos or they are trying to disguise and cover up their own weaknesses, insecurities and vulnerabilities.
Self confidence is not about bragging and big egos. Self confidence is all about being happy in your own skin and being happy and at peace with yourself.
Always remember that real self confidence is natural and it comes from within,
Another thing that is really important, is to try and not to overly criticize or judge others.
When you're criticizing others harshly, it is often an indication that you're not happy with yourself.
Also, stop caring or assuming that other people are harshly judging you.
We often judge others because it helps us to feel better ourselves or we judge ourselves because we are not happy with a part of us or we see ourselves as not being the person we would like to be.
Other things that cause us to judge and be critical are.
When we aren't getting the results, success, life or things that we would like or what we think we should have. The key is to be truly happy with yourself, despite everything else that is going on.
Our general well-being is also an integral part of feeling self confident. Therefore it is of utmost importance that you indulge in a bit of self care and me time.
This should involve:
- Doing the things that you want to do or you like doing
- Spending a bit of time pampering yourself
- Keeping active
- Allowing some, me time to relax deeply
- Eating a healthy diet packed full of nutrition and goodness
Praise all your progress and achievements
To build your self confidence and self esteem. It is important for you to take on new challenges, step beyond your comfort zone and take small risks. (When were talking about risk, we mean safe risk)
Each day doing something that would normally make you feel a bit uncomfortable. Don't hesitate or overthink things, just embrace the feelings and go for it.
Change can take time, but it does not matter how long it takes, so long as you're moving forwards in a positive direction.
To help you, try and get into the habit of using positive words of self encouragement. Praise yourself up, everytime you attempt something new and praise yourself after, regardless of how good or bad you did.
Focus on your own greatness and worthiness and bring out that inner greatness.
Instead of focusing on everything that is bad or wrong. Focus on all that is good.
Use general feel good words and thoughts, with no material conditions, to boost that positivity.
For example: Use phrases or thoughts like.
"Everything will be OK, everything is fine, all is well, I'll figure it out, things are getting better and better, things always workout for me, everything is great, life is good, I am heading in the right direction, the future looks bright for me, good things are coming my way, all my desires are coming true for me".
Celebrate, every victory or step forwards you make, even if it is only a very small victory or achievement and be pleased for all the good work that you're doing or you have done.
It can help to keep a journal, and write down any victories or any progress that you have made or jot down everything good that you do or achieve, no matter how big or small.
When we embark on a self journey of betterment. Sometimes we forget how far we have already come.
If you celebrate and praise yourself up for all your little achievements. Because, one day. Those little achievements and all those daily action steps will yield big positive rewards and improvement.
Be thankful, grateful and show appreciation for all the good things that you have already got and all the good things that nature has provided us.
Because when, you're expressing gratitude, you cannot feel anxious, angry, worried or sad.
If you are under confident or you have been a negative minded person.
Then the chances are you have been more focused on what you don't want, what you dislike about yourself, what you lack or what you want but you don't have.
By showing appreciation and expressing gratitude every single day. You will begin to shift out of those negative emotions and into the positive emotions.
Be thankful for or the little things and good things in life that you may have been taking for granted. But also, be thankful for who you are and be thankful for being alive, unique and well.