Building Your Self Confidence And Social Skills

Feeling self confidence is really important, because it will help you to succeed in life, it will help you to fulfill your dreams and desires and it will help you to increase your happiness level. 

But more importantly, it will allow you to relax and be your true authentic, free flowing self.

Low self confidence or a lack of self confidence, can really hold you back in many ways.

Because low self confidence, can make what should be easy and natural to you, become a really struggle and it can even affect your ability to perform well.

If you're like most people, then you probably feel like you would like a bit more self confidence and self belief in yourself. 

But, what actually is self confidence? And do you need to build your self confidence or is it something that you already naturally have, but maybe over the years, you feel as if you've lost it?

Feeling confident, feels good. The opposite to self confidence is fear, stress, negativity, low feeling moods and tension.

To start off with, let's take a look at what self confidence isn't.

Self confidence is not all about coming across as being perfect, loud or faultless on the outside, neither is it about always being fearless all the time.

Confidence is more about, training yourself to feel calm and composed under pressure and in the face of uncertainty

An important thing to be aware of is. You cannot feel confident all of the time. Because, before you can be more confident, you have to step out of your comfort zone, otherwise you'll never grow or get better.

Confident people feel afraid and even insecure at times, but they do not allow their fears or doubts to hold them back or control them. 

Confident people also know that they cannot always have the complete certainty, that everything will go perfect or they won't make a mistake, embarrass themselves or show themselves up at times.

What separates the highly confident from the rest is. 

They accept uncertainty, they accept things might go wrong and they know that they might feel a bit of discoformort at times, but they don't shy away from doing it or avoid the thing or situation.

Confident people also have the attitude of, whatever happens and they know that they have the ability to be able to cope with and handle any stressful challenges that come their way.

You have to go through it, to become more self confident

If you want to be more confident. Then you have to be prepared to breakthrough your limitations and fears. 

This is going to involve doing or say the things that might make you feel uncomfortable and anxious at times.

Because, before you can build your self confidence you have to cease, being afraid about being afraid, you have to cease being afraid about failing and you need an attitude of. 

  • Not caring if you get it wrong or if you make any mistakes
  • Not caring too much about, what others say or think
You may be surprised to know that you're already confident. All babies, are born with good levels of self confidence and self esteem.

But, over the years, you might have lost some of your self confidence, your self belief in yourself and your abilities to cope with and handle certain situations or challenges.

Some things that may cause people to lose their self confidence, could be:

  • Your negative childhood conditioning 
  • Being bullied or verbally abused
  • Negative, anxious or insecure parents
  • The environment you were brought up in 
  • Your negative experiences 
  • Your self conditioning 
  • Your fearful, learned behaviors
  • Not accepting yourself/body conscious issues
  • Self comparison or wanting to be like somebody else
  • Dominant parents
Self confidence is a mental and physical state of being which is being driven by your subconscious habits and your automatic, learned patterns of behavior. 

One of the first steps to becoming more confident should be for you to like, approve and accept yourself, exactly the way as you are.

Because, what tends to make us feel unconfident is, when we:

  • Try to hide or deny, who we really are
  • Comparing ourselves, unfavourably to others
  • Wishing we were like others
All of these types of thinking errors are basically telling ourselves that we feel as if we are inadequate, inferior or not good enough.

Do be more confident you have to do more of the things that previously, would make you hesitate or make you feel uncomfortable, because you'll never get better, by shying away from doing or saying something.

There are two ways of doing this:

1) Through the positive use of your imagination

2) Through doing more of things that would normally feel uncomfortable

Preferably, you should implement both of them, because we learn through doing and repeating, because building your self cofidence is a process of elimination and betterment.

Learn how to manage and quickly change your state

Some of the key principles and subconscious programs that determines our levels of self confidence and behaviors are:

  • Our habits 
  • Our attitude and perceptions
  • Our imagination
  • Our learned responses and associations

These are way more powerful and they have a far greater effect and influence on or behaviors, thought processes and confidence levels, than logic, will power and reasoning.

Our body responds to our imagination. 

To demonstrate this, if you vividly imagine, something that you're afraid of, doing. 

Your heart beat will quicken, your breathing will become shallow, your brain will trigger the release of adrenaline into your body and your muscles will become tense.

If you imagine yourself, taking a nice relaxing walk on a tropical beach, then the opposite will happen, and your body will start to calm down.

However, if you just try and tell your body to relax, nothing will happen.

You cannot really be truly confident, if you don't feel confident.

Any feelings of discomfort are going to reduce your confidence levels, such as:

  • Stress and tension, 
  • Fear and anxiety 
  • Low confidence emotions and low moods 
  • Negativity

People who suffer with low confidence, often tend to worry a lot or through the negative use of their imagination.

They see and anticipate things going wrong or they imagine themselves, not handling or coping very well in certain situations.

Again, this will evoke feelings and symptoms of stress, fear and anxiety.

If, you start to imagine things going well or you imagine yourself handling things in a calm and resourceful way, then you will notice a positive shift in your energy.

Get into the habit of imagining and rehearsing things going great and well, over and over again in your mind, notice how good, calm and composed you feel, and tell yourself, how great it feels.

Another things that causes people to feel unconfident is:

The dread, fear or they want to avoid, all the things and situations that they know, would make them feel anxious or uncomfortable.

When you take this approach, what you're actually doing, is. 

You're conditioning your mind to associate the things, people or forthcoming situation as being threatening, and something that you, therefore, need to avoid.

So when you have to face that situation for real, you'll automatically respond with fear, panic and anxiety.

The opposite of this is to start to hardwire your brain to associate these feared situations or events as being something to enjoy and look for wds too.

Instead of dreading and wanting to avoid situations, use positive thoughts and words like:

  • "I am looking forwards to ........"
  • "That seems like fun"
  • "I love/like........"

Replace the negative words and labels like, fear and anxiety and use the term.

  • "I am excited"
  • "I feel excited"

One of the biggest causes of anxiety, worry and stress are thought and feeling suppression.

Our minds are always trying to cover every eventuality. Especially, when we learn we have to do something new or we have to face one of our feared situations.

What will happen is. Your mind will do a mini risk assessment, and it will create images and sounds of what it thinks might happen.

This can cause a physical and emotional response in your body, which is what we call anxiety.

Because people don't like these anxious thoughts, imaginings and feelings. They try and do everything that they can to make them go away.

Such as:

  • They try to  suppress them
  • They try to numb them, push them away or block them out
  • They try to resist them, stop them or defeat them

All this does is it triggers even more of the same kind of thoughts, feelings and instinctive responses, causing a vicious cycle of anxiety, worry and stress.

When they realize that they cannot stop their anxious thoughts or feelings. They then make plans to try and avoid or escape from the situations that are making them feel uncomfortable.

The worst possible things that you can do when you're feeling anxious is:

  • Trying to control your thoughts and feelings
  • Thought and feeling suppression

One of the best things that you can do is.

When you notice any fearful thoughts, allow your mind to think and experience them, but do not react to them, in fact instantly focus on calming your body and relaxing.

Other important factors are:

  • Self belief 
  • Focus of attention 
  • Positive self talk 
  • Physiology 
  • Preparation

Learning how to breathe correctly will also help to relax you as well as changing your state. 

Mastering your inner self talk

The person that your spend most of your time talking to, listening to and in engaging with, is yourself, therefore, it is in your own best interest, to talk positively and nicely to yourself.

Because, yourself talk is incredibly important and incredibly powerful. 

You can either become the master of your inner self talk or you can become a slave and a victim too it, the choice is yours, but the outcomes will be very different. 

Which choice you make, will determine the rest of your life, what you do and do not do and how well or bad you handle situations.

Human behavior is driven by our habits. Many people have made it a habit to talk to themselves in negative, self defeating and self destructive ways, which limits them and weakens them tremendously.

Yet, it does not have to be this way, if you take control and your become the dominant master of your mind, in a positive and constructive way.

The reality is, too many people have become a servant and a slave too their own inner voice. Where way too many trust and go along with their negative self, without even challenging it or attempting to change it.

Yet, your life could be so much better if only you started to override and overpower that inner self sabotaging negative voice.

You even have to ask yourself.

Who is your negative inner and is your negative inner voice right and why do you listen to it and obey it, when you know it is not helping or supporting you?

The truth is. That negative inner self is not the real happy, confident and limitless you, neither is it necessarily true or accurate.

Just because you believe something or you have been told something, doesn't mean that's right, accurate or true.  

It is just a reflection of your past negative conditioning and programming, and as it is not serving you well, than it needs changing and upgrading.

So, anytime your negative inner voice rears its ugly head. Just be aware, that it isn't you and if you know it is not serving you well, change it, override it or dismiss it.

Because, you have to power to overpower and change your inner voice, so it becomes your loyal and obedient servant, rather than you being a slave to it.

From this day forth, anytime you become aware of your negative inner voice trying to oppose or resist you or what you want to do or change.

Silently and firmly, affirm to yourself what you want, repeatedly. Until that negative resistance, backs off and fades away.

Be firm with yourself, as your parents were firm with you, and force your mind to accept your new positive changes capabilities and desires.

For example: If your negative inner voice, tries to tell you things like.  

You're not capable enough. 

Say to yourself, silently and firmly.

"I am more than capable"

Or if you hear yourself say things like: 

  • "I can't"
  • "I'll never be able"
  • "I don't have the confidence"
Change them and affirm it to yourself, repeatedly

  • "I can do that"
  • "I have the ability to learn and get better"
  • "I have the confidence"
Quickly learn how to identify, any negative thoughts of doubt and self destruction and spin them around to a positive statement or way of perceiving things.

Always, give yourself, positive words of support, optimism and encouragement and force your mind to accept the positive changes that you want and get it to see that their are always better ways of thinking and doing things, instead of worrying and avoiding doing things.

If you have a goal, to increase your chances of success, make sure you state it and frame what you want, in a positive term.

Because, if you state or frame your goals in negative phrases, then this is more likely to defeat you and put you off, instead of motivating you and filling you full of confidence and self belief. 

Avoid framing your goals in negative terms, such as:

  • "I don't want"
  • "Shouldn't"
  • "Mustn't"
  • "Can't"
  • "I won't"
  • "Stop"
  • "I am not very good at"
  • "I'll never"
Example of some negative framed goals and their positive opposites

Negatively framed  >  "I want to stop feeling anxious"   

Positively framed  >  "I would like to feel cool, calm and confident in all social situations"

Negatively framed  > "I don't want to be fat"                 

Positively framed   "I would love a slim and healthy, toned body"

Negatively framed  > "I'll never be able to"                   

Positively framed  >  "I have the ability to learn or overcome anything"

Negatively framed  > "I am not very good at"               

Positively framed  >  "I can have, do or become anything I want"

Make it a habit to always focus on what you want or what you're capable of. Instead of focusing or worrying about, what you don't want, because when you think like this, it will create positive feelings and a positive attitude, instead of those negative feelings and struggles.

Creating a confidence trigger

Our mind and body works by associations, pattern recognition and pattern matching. 

Our mind learns these powerful neural association through repetition and emotional association.

What happens is. When we experience a negative emotional experience or we when we experience negative situations and negative feelings and emotion for a while.

The one, will automatically remind us of the other and this mechanism of association and pattern matching can cause fearful, stressful and anxious responses that can severely affect our self confidence and our ability to relax and perform naturally and fluently.

We all create these associations all of the time either through our negative experience or through the negative use of our imagination.

People can associate both positive or negative emotions, to just about anything.

For instance. If you have a fear of talking to strangers, you will react with fear if you have to talk to somebody you don't know. 

You can associate your workplace and monday mornings with low feeling moods or you could associate fear with doing a presentation.

You can also have positive anchors. You may associate your holidays with happiness and excitement or you can associate listening to soothing music, with relaxation.

People create anchors with their favorite foods or foods they dislike. If you think about your favourite foods. your mouth will start to water, if you think about a food you dislike, it can make you feel queasy.

Negative associations tend to dominate over positive ones. Once a negative emotional match and association has been formed to a specific situation, event or thing.

Anytime you have to face that situation or thing, or emotional part of our brain will automatically trigger a fearful, anxious, negative or stressful response again and again, making it very hard for us to relax and be ourselves.

These then act like a negative anchor and trigger which become learned instinctive responses and automatic behaviors. 

The good news is. You can create a calm, good feeling and confident association, anchor and positive trigger, that will allow you to summon up calm, confident and good feelings on demand.

To create a good feeling and confident anchor. All you have to do, is imagine yourself in a situation where you previously felt cool, calm, confident and composed, and when you have evoked those good feeling emotions, squeeze your thumb and second finger together.

Keep repeating this, to make those feeling more intense and powerful, then anytime your start to feel a bit uncomfortable, squeeze your thumb and second finger together and bring back those positive and calm feelings.

You can use this powerful and effective technique to quickly calm yourself down and replace any feelings of discomfort and anxiety, with feelings of calm and control.

Or you can use it, to mentally rehearse and imagine any situation, that makes you feel anxious, worried or emotionally overwhelmed.

You can do this yourself, but it is much more powerful and way more effective if you get a professional NLP practitioner to relax you and walk you through it.

Learn how to instantly boost your self confidence and flood your body with those positive, calm and good feeling emotions, at any time or any place, with the powerful Confidence Trigger

Bring yourself back to the present moment

Confidence is a feeling of being grounded in the now with the feeling of no matter what happens, you'll be OK.

Because all your power lies in the now, what robs you of it is when you're constantly focused on how you're feeling or how you're doing.

If you begin to feel uncomfortable, let those thoughts float on passed peacefully and put your attention onto anything that does not make you feel uncomfortable.

Learning how to let go of anything that makes you feel bad and not allowing trivial things or minor setbacks to take you away from that peaceful flow state. 

We lack self confidence when we constantly go inwards and monitor ourselves and how we're feeling or when venture out of the present moment.

Another way to knock your confidence is when you allow others or your mistakes and failures to affect how you think, respond and feel. If things have not gone well for you, try not to get frustrated or disappointed.

So to be more confident you will need to learn how to overcome your fears and manage your anxious thoughts and emotions. 

In order to be more confident you will need to learn how to overcome your fears and manage your anxious thoughts and emotions. 

If you start to notice any fearful feelings or anxiety, get out of your head and expand your awareness onto all of your body and then out all your attention externally.

We all have bad experiences and bad days, so be wary that you don't spend too much time going over and over in your head about a bad situation, otherwise you may become vulnerable to destructive dependency and negative conduct. What has happened should be left in the past.

Getting rid of feelings of inferiority and inadequacy

Probably the single biggest reason why people lack self confidence, they have an inferiority complex and they generally feel inadequate is down to the not enoughs.

We live in a world which is full of seemingly perfect looking models who have extensive makeovers and who been airbrushed.

Then on top of this, most people heap social pressures on themselves where feel they have to be and come across as being and looking perfect, which can soon lead to feeling inferior.

When you think that you're not enough in any area's of your life, especially the feeling that you're not good enough or worthy enough, then this can destroy your self esteem and self confidence.

Never think that you're not good enough, or believe that there is something wrong with you, because this could not be further from the truth.

Also avoid trying to make comparisons to others or thinking that you're inferior to other people or they are somehow better than you.

How many times have you said to yourself, that you wish that you could be like somebody else you admire, maybe you think that you're not interesting enough.

What you really want, is for other people to wish, they were more like you.

Many people make all types of excuses and they talk themselves out of doing all sorts of things, this is not because they cannot do it or learn it, they cannot do it because of the belief that they think they cannot do the things they want to do or say.

When you feel that you're not good enough, there is something wrong with you or you feel inferior to someone, then this can create feelings of insecurity and lead to feelings of anxiety and depression.

When you start to compare yourself to others, it can leave you feeling ugly, you may think that you don't measure up or you are a lesser human being.

Or perhaps you mistakenly feel that you're stupid or not smart enough, what you have to say isn't worth saying or you need to be different.

Never doubt your own abilities, instead learn how to develop them and be happy and proud to be yourself.

When you think that you're not good enough or that you're inadequate, then it will create a negative self image of you, that will be projected for the world to see.

Avoid the thinking trap that you should be as good as others or that you're not as good as others as this will deny you of unleashing your true potential and being the wonderful and special, talented unlimited person that you have been hiding away from the rest of the world and yourself.

Whether or not you feel that you're good enough will depend entirely on what you believe and what you tell yourself.

You should not rely on others to tell you that you're good enough nor should you believe or accept, any suggestions that go against the real truth that, "You Are Good Enough And Deserving Enough"

All you have to do is start to drop the not, out of all the enoughs, and begin to affirm repeatedly what self help expert Marisa Peers, tells her clients.

" I am enough, I always have been and I always will be"

Let you know, each day, and many times that, you are good enough, you are worthy enough, you are confident enough, you are powerful enough, you are worthy enough and so on.

Thinking that you're not good enough or worthy enough is a limiting belief, not a fact If you hold any negative beliefs about you, no longer accept them or believe them and then change them.

You have not got to fall into the trap that you need to keep on improving, as that suggest a negative belief that you're not good enough, you can still be the best version of you, but the reality, is you were born good enough, worthy enough and deserving enough.



Believe in yourself and your ability to grow and expand

Use your negative experiences for self betterment and personal development, because when you have a negative experience, you can  either allow it to diminish you or you can use it to motivate yourself to grow and become a better, wiser and more capable and resourceful self.

The foundation and building blocks of self confidence begins with believing in yourself with the awareness that you're equal to everybody else, so therefore you must begin to value and appreciate yourself. 

You have the inner potential to, have, be and do what you want and you're already well capable enough to achieve anything you put your mind too. 

People think that confident people do not feel comfortable, but this is not true, the only difference is, they do not run away or try to avoid situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

Confident people know that they have to face uncomfortable situations to grow and better their social skills, they also do not shy away from taking on new challenges.

To learn any skill, you have to start from scratch, including building your self confidence.

This is why having a strong self belief in yourself and your abilities come into play, because if you want to be more confident so you can develop and become the best version of you. 

Then you need to have a positive attitude, where you trust your ability to learn new skills and grow in confidence, to reach a point where you know that you can do it or get better in any area that you choose.

Do not be put off by making a mistake, if you observe babies and young children, let's say, for example, when they're attempting to walk or learn how to ride a bike.

They do not give up after the first failed attempt, they keep trying until they master it, then they celebrate their triumph with self praise and feelings of excitement. 

The only thing that can rob you of your true potential is self doubting yourself and your abilities and capability to learn and improve, so show some faith in your ability to master the things you want to do and become.

Improving your confidence starts with working on the inside because it begins with a feeling and certainty from within. 

Confidence, is that state where you intuitively act without constantly having to think about what you're doing, you know when you're outwardly focused and you're instinctively doing things automatically without trying too hard. 

The problem starts when you take your focus from external to internal so try to keep out of your own head and take no notice of your imagination when it's throwing up those what if scenarios.

To generate those good feelings, start to tell yourself how awesome you are, how great you are, how strong and courageous you are and how good at doing things you are, say statements starting with, I am good at, I can do that.

You do not have to try and find reasons to validate your claims because your thoughts determine how you feel and eventually how you act and behave so only think thoughts that empower you and make you feel good. 

Because what you think determines how you feel and all you looking for is those good feelings and you do not have to justify or prove anything, just keep on boosting yourself up. 

This does not mean you have to go around telling everybody and coming across as arrogant and boastful, but by saying them to yourself no one else will know and it is sure to make you feel better.

The Rewards You Will Gain For Your Efforts 

The benefits you will gain from being more confident are, you will become happier and be more socially successful, you will have more success with your relationships, but the advantages don't stop there.

You will excel more in your career, your education and you will perform better in just about thing else you attempt to do when you feel calm and comfortable. 

It will help also help you to become more popular, this will give you a distinct edge and advantage over others.

People will start to respect and look up to you as they start to admire this new, radiant and bold you, those who come across as bold and assertive do not get picked on or put upon so much.

You will start to get more lucky breaks which can result and snowball in more positive results and successes in every area of your life. 

Another big advantage is it will help you to attract the opposite sex or improve your existing relationship.

Change Your Inner Dialogue

One of the old ways that people are taught to increase their confidence is through saying affirmations, this technique will help but it will only help you if you actually believe in what you're telling yourself. 

Affirmations work best when you're feeling good, to work they have to be believable, so it may help if you say "everyday in every way I am becoming more confident". 

Affirmations also work better for people who already have a high self esteem because they are already coming from a feel good state. 

But for under confident people they rarely work because of the negative emotional state they have become stuck in. So only say your affirmations when you're in a good feeling, mood, then really milk it.

To feel and act more confident you first have to impress these new beliefs into your subconscious mind.

 By introducing the word I am becoming, rather than I already am it will become more believable and acceptable to your subconscious mind.

We are the self image of ourselves, what we believe becomes true to us and as we become what we think so it makes sense to say positive statements about yourself. Too many people put themselves down with statements like I am not very good at this or that.

Begin to change your inner dialogue because in order to become more self assured and extrovert on the outside you have to first start to change from within. Start telling yourself positive statements about yourself and replace all the I can't's to I can.

Tell yourself you're going to be bold and courageous and your fear is not going to prevent you from being the person you want. 

See yourself and visualize yourself has you want to be, rather than how you are now, be bold and adventurous because it's always better "to try and fail than it is to fail to try".

You Need Positive Feelings Of Calmness And Certainty

Confidence is a positive feeling of calmness, certainty and assurance. It is your ability to do something moderately well or even very well. 

It's a thing that can take quite a long time to build, but you can lose it very quickly, this is why it is important that you quickly bounce back when things go wrong and learn to let go of any setbacks.

Sometimes you have to go through it to come through it, this means just doing more of the things that makes you feel uncomfortable, keep pushing yourself beyond your old boundaries as this way you will continue to grow. 

You may feel as if you're not a confident person, but this is not true, because there are many things that you can already do well without you having to think about it and as confidence covers every aspect of your life then this means you already have it in some area's. 

You just haven't learned the skills you need in other parts of your life and that's all there is to it. 

When you first learned to ride a bike you weren't good at it, but you kept at it and after a while with practice you mastered it and then it happens naturally without you haven't too to even think about it. 

This principle applies in all the area's you wish to improve, repetition is the key to success, this means practicing doing all the mind work combined with taking action steps in your outer physical reality.

Some Of The Biggest Fears Are

  •  Fear of not being good enough 
  •  Fear of failure 
  •  Fear of what other people think or what they might say
  •  Fear of rejection. 
  •  Fear of public humiliation

Confidence For Stressful Events

We all have to face stressful and challenging situations and events at times, and sometimes just the mere thought of having to face a situation where we are unfamiliar with, can send a shock wave through our body and start a process of stress, anxiety and worry.

Some of the most common area's where people need more confidence are, social events or occasions, dating, job interviews, presentations, at work or doing their profession. 

What normally tends to happen is, you learn that you have to face a challenging situation or you have got to attend a social event that you feel you might struggle to cope or handle.

This causes worry, fear and anxiety. You then try not to think about the upcoming event, because it is making you feel nervous and anxious.

But the more you try, not to think about it, the more you will think about, and as the strong emotion starts grow, it will pull you inwards and force you to focus on the event, causing you to add even more negative emotion and stress to the forthcoming event.

Before long, you can start to create a traumatic negative experience, in your mind before the event has even happened, through your imagination. This means, most of the fear exists in your mind.

This will not only cause you endless stress and anxiety, leading up to the event, but you will also be conditioning yourself to react with fear, when you have to face the situation for real.

So you will have two problems that you'll need to deal with

  1. The thoughts you're having about the event 
  2. The actual situation for real

 When you're worried and anxious about certain situations, this implies that you have conditioned yourself to associate those kind of situations with fear and danger.

But you can learn to change these negative learned behaviours and associations.

The self confidence trainer, to the left, will supply you with all the techniques that the highly confident people use.

This includes a hypnosis session that you can use to change the way that you respond in stressful situations and events. 

Plus many more proven techniques and exercise that will help you to build your confidence.

 

Self Confidence Trainer CD
Self Confidence Trainer
(Double CD)

The Self Confidence Trainer leads you step-by-step towards greater confidence and self esteem.

Everybody can feel a little nervous or fearful when they take on a new challenge the only difference between the successful and those who are not is, the successful don't let fear hold them back. 

Once you successfully manage to change the blueprint in your mind, and hypnosis is probably still by far the best way to achieve this, then you will no longer associate fear to the situation, which should stop all the worry and stress, and this will leave you feeling calmer when the time comes for real.

They will still do what they want to do, despite how they feel and they accept that there will be times when they feel a bit uncomfortable, but they still go ahead and do it, despite the fear.

If you allow yourself to feel a bit uncomfortable at times, and you let you know, it's OK to feel a bit anxious, then you just allow the feelings to travel up through you and away, whilst you put your focus on the task at hand, then you will have less trouble with fear. 

Because sometimes, you have to do more of the things that make you feel afraid, to grow in confidence.

Self-doubt can also play a big role in reducing your chances of performing well, so you need to work on overcoming your self-doubt which is when you have those feelings of uncertainty in your ability to attempt or accomplish a task or situation. 

Everything Is Just A Perception 

But remember those uncertainties are only perceptions and perceptions can be changed, you also need to take action in order to grow and move forward. 

You need to do all the mind preparation work which is necessary, but you still have to do the action bit as well. 

Each day push yourself a little and take small risks and do some of the things you would normally shy away from, just take a few deep breaths, relax your shoulders, observe the fear but, allow it to carry on and do what you want to regardless how uncomfortable you feel. 

To grow, you have to step out of your comfort zone, if you stay in the confines of your comfort zone you will not improve. 

Use words like, I can handle that, tell yourself it's not going to kill me so I will do it. After congratulating yourself for being brave and it does not matter how bad things go because you will grow from doing.

The best way to prepare yourself is to mentally rehearse the situation, going as you want it. See yourself how you want to be and imagine every working out as you want it to go. 

Visualize and imagine yourself feeling calm and composed in those situations where you need more confidence. 

See yourself speaking clearly in the tone of voice you would like to have, focus on how relaxed your body feels and how your breathing is deep and calm. See yourself walking, sitting and standing confidently. 

After each negative experience you have, find somewhere quiet, then return to that situation, but this time imagine everything going well and imagine yourself back in that situation feeling how you want to feel. This way your mind will be given a new blueprint to how you wish to handle and feel in that situation.

Let Go Off And Release The Negative Past 

The way you think about yourself in conjunction with the challenges you have to face or the goals you set yourself can have a big impact on your personal levels of success you achieve and the results you get.

Learn to forgive yourself for any mistake you have made, learn to forgive others and let go of any past bad experiences. 

All successful people make mistakes, they all have failures, but what the successful do is they quickly pick themselves up and they learn something from their errors and setbacks so they move forwards and grow. 

Under confident people do the exact opposite, they dwell in their past mistakes and bad experiences and they allow the things that went wrong or how badly they handled a situation to keep them stuck in the past which prevents themselves from growing and developing, leaving them feeling small and limited in a world of limitless possibilities. 

They end up worrying about and fearing making the same mistakes over and over again, which breeds feelings of insecurity and insecurity leads to fear and staying stuck in your comfort zone.

Before you attempt a new challenge, try and relax yourself first, it's important you feel comfortable so make sure your body is nice a loose and relaxed. Confidence is all about feel at ease.

Meditation is a great way to relax your body and mind, get into the habit of doing some slow rhythmic breathing before you have to face a challenging or stressful situation.

 Make sure the out breath is longer than the in breath, like in for the count of 5, hold for a few seconds then out for the count of 7.

To feel good you need plenty of rest, relaxation and an adequate amount of sleep, moderate exercising will also help you. Looking after your body because it is essential if you want to feel good.

Body posture and physiology 

Self confidence is not all about the mind, your body and your physiology will also play a huge part in how confident you are.

You can boost your self confidence by changing your physical state or changing your physiology.

If you find that your confidence is dipping, speak up louder, and talk slower and clearer, go into a power pose for a few minutes, breathe deeply and smile.

At one time people used to think that the mind and body were two separate things, but these days, we now know that the mind and mind are one whole and they both can affect each other.

If your body is out of balance, you are deficient in some of the vital vitamins and minerals, or you are suffering from inflammation in the mind and body, then all these can have a negative impact on your mental and emotional well-being.

Your mind and body is a complex and interconnecting network of patterns, associations, systems, organisms, muscles and mechanism working together as parts of a complex whole.

When everything is functioning efficiently and working together in good harmony, balance and coordination, then you will feel relaxed and more at ease, and these are the times when, you will be at your most confident.

When one of your systems is out of sync or balance, then it will have a knock on effect on all the other systems in your body, and you will feel less confident.

Things that can throw your body out of sync, are 

  • Stress 
  • Anxiety 
  • Worry
  • Food sensitivity 
  • Nutrient deficiency  
  • Bad memories 
  • Focus of attention 
  • Tense and stiff postures 
  • Slouching and body being out of balance and alignment

Your body posture will say a lot about how you feel about yourself and how confident you come across. 

When our body posture changes our energy and thought processes can change with it.

Although you should avoid slumping and slouching, many people have been told to stand or sit up straight, as this will make them feel more confident.

Personally, I would never advise anybody to stand or sit up straight, as this can cause people to pull themselves up into stiff and tense postures, which will actually make you feel less confident.

You should avoid trying to pull or hold yourself up, as that will cause muscle stiffness, and to feel confident you want to sit and stand at your natural height with the least amount of tension.

If you are having trouble with your posture, then I would recommend that you visit Brett Hershey who is a Qualified Alexander Teacher, because if you mess about with your posture, without knowing what you're doing, then you can make things a lot worse.



Eating a good healthy and balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables (especially the green leafy variety) omega three oils and essential nutrients, especially magnesium, which is a great for reducing, stress, anxiety and tension, can improve your mood, give you more energy and make you feel better.

Getting enough good quality sleep and plenty of relaxation, will help make you feel more confident, as can exercise.

Changing your physiology can change your state and your thought process, if you feel a bit underconfident, put on a big smile, ease and relax your muscles, and take some slow and deep powerful breaths.

Your power is in your posture

They say your power is in your postures, and if you want to be more confident and feel more charismatic, then you need to stand with poise and balance, without slumping or stiffening.

This does not mean that you should sit and stand with your upper body stiff and tense though.

As we have already mentioned, tension and muscle stiffness do not make a very good companion of self confidence.

When you stiffen your neck, it causes the tightening of the muscles around the neck, upper back and head.

Often you will see people who hold their head off balance, where they pull the back of the head down, lift up the face and chin and allow their head to protrude forwards, causing collapse of the spine and the rounding of the back.

This type of posture is linked to your fight or flight reflex pattern and it will keep you stuck in a state of anxiety and insecurity. 

Stiffness in the body, especially in the neck, can make it hard for you to talk fluently and clearly.

To get out of this posture you need to gently release the head off the top of the spine as demonstrated in the video below.

Ideally, your neck should be free and your head should slightly tilt forwards by a few mill-meters off the top of the spine, so the head goes forwards and up, this however should be natural and not physically forced, avoid dropping your head forwards or bending your head from neck.

When you drop your head forwards or pull the back of your head down, then it will cause the collapse of your spine and it will put a lot of unnecessary tension in your neck, head and back.

The Alexander Technique uses thinking directions, not physical effort, the one is, to instruct your neck to be free and then the head to go forwards and up.



Many people stand out of alignment and balance, where they either have their hips pushed too far forwards or too far back.

This can cause your body to go into a type of zig zag shaped or S posture, which will soon leave you feeling uncomfortable and not very confident.

If you find that your hips are pushed too far forwards then you can gently release your head forwards so the weight of your hips and the top of your legs come back a touch, your weight comes more over your heels and your body comes upright. (See video below)

Ideally, your weight should be evenly distributed, so your head sits freely on top of your spine and your body sits on top of your hips so your hips are underneath your body and over your ankles, avoid locking the knees.

You can tell if your hips are positioned in the correct place, by lifting up your toes. 

When you're standing, if your hips are either too far back or too far forwards, then you will struggle to lift up your toes, when your hips are resting in their natural position, then you will easily be able to lift up your toes and the front of your feet.



Take Daily Positive Action Steps

So instead of focusing entirely on the end result of being extremely confident, take it step by step and with daily positive action and you will in time reach your desired results. 

So instead of jumping in at the deep end and trying to be the life and soul of the party, or being super extrovert and cool with the opposite sex, just try and make gradual improvements, be yourself and don't try and fake it. 

When you try to impress people or be something you're not, then you will spend all your time worrying what others think or you will constantly try to obtain perfection.

Join in with the fun and conversation a bit more, smile at strangers or the opposite sex and say hello, then start to have a quick conversation, be a bit more outgoing and daring each day. Start off with whatever you feel comfortable with and slowly keep pushing your limits and emotional barriers higher. 

By doing it this way it won't feel so daunting and you won't be putting added pressure on yourself. With the gradually and progressively improving yourself approach you will keep feeling better and better about yourself and your progress. 

It's not just about the mind work, you also need to take action steps, take on new challenges, attempt new things and join in social more activities. 

Do the things that scare you the most, each day do something where normally fear or doubt would have held you back.

To become more self confident you have to change and raise your emotional benchmark, it's not just about acting more confident it's also about feeling as if you're already bold and extrovert. 

To achieve this you must change your emotional state in those situations you wish to be more outgoing and relaxed.

Preparation Is The Key

Self hypnosis is still the best way to prepare yourself to act and feel confident in all those difficult and stressful social situations, you can experience the stressful event in your imagination in a calm and relaxed manner before it happens. 

Doing this will greatly benefit you in real life situations.

Why people suffer with low self worth is down to the way they think, perceive and how they talk about themselves. 

Most people have gotten into the habit of constantly self doubting and underselling themselves, there are no limits to what you can achieve.

A few thoughts of self doubt will cause little harm. But when you consistently knock yourself and self doubt it will become a habit which will become part of your actions behaviours and how you feel. 

The way to reverse this is to change the way you talk to yourself or what you say to others about, start to use encouraging and positive self talk and language. 

Visualize yourself as you want to be, see yourself looking and acting confident, see a calm, comfortable and more poised looking radiant you, picture in your mind a more confident and energetic you, notice in detail how confident you're behaving and how great you're coming across. 

Quick Tips To Help You

  1.  Avoid talking yourself out of trying new things
  2.  Always give yourself credit for everything good you achieve
  3.  You need to have positive and clear goals to focus on and have  plenty of hobbies and interests
  4.  Use your creativity and imagination positively
  5.  Force yourself to think positively choose the way you want to think,  don't just think on autopilot
  6.  Have a positive outlook on life and create your own future don't rely  on luck and chance
  7.  Replace negative self-talk to positive self-talk
  8.  Challenge negative thoughts and change negative beliefs
  9.  Focus on what you want instead of what you don't want
  10.  Look after yourself and keep yourself fit and healthy

Enroll yourself in an acting class because that will help you to improve all aspects of your social confidence or engage in more community activities, although you want to improve and become the best possible version of yourself avoid the pitfall of trying to be too perfect. 

Stop caring about what others think about you, be aware that our minds are very good at tricking us into believing we are not capable of doing what we truly are capable of achieving, don't allow your negative ego to limit your progress. 

Do not let your mind or your feelings trick you into a false sense of insecurity, your mind can be your best friend it can also destroy you. 

Do not allow that inner you, to become the dominant voice, overpower all negative and critical self talk. Also do what you believe to be right even if others try and knock you or put you off.

If you want to feel more assertive than you can try adopting a quick power pose for several minutes. 

Open up your body for a couple of minutes, if you're facing a social situation where you feel a bit threatened or uncomfortable, then changing your physiology can help you to shift into a more positive state. 

This has been proven to help raise your testosterone levels which can make you feel more assertive, which will help you deal with stressful situations better whilst at the same time making you more fearless and bold.

If you're sitting down, then lean back and put your hands behind your head to act more confidently, if your standing up you can make sure your feet are firmly on the floor, stick your chest out slightly for several minutes but no more you will start to stiffen up, and place your hands on your hips. 

Watch The Video Below Demonstrating Power Poses



Take Care Of Your Physical Appearance

Take care of your physical appearance, have a new haircut, buy some new cloths, bright and bold colours can make you feel more confident, red is one particular colour that can make feel more confident. 

Go to the gym and improve your body, plus the exercise can give you a feel good, boost, so take good care of yourself, if you respect and appreciate yourself others will respect you back. 

If you want to improve your speaking, especially if you have to speak in front of a group, practice in front of the mirror, this is what some of the best and most powerful influential speaker do. 

To instantly increase your self-esteem and performance levels, adopt a confident but poised body stance. 

If you are sitting down and you feel a bit flat, lean back for a minute or two, interlock your hands behind your head whilst holding your head level. 

Be Heard, And Speak Up

One of the worst suggestions we were told when we were young, is little children should be seen but not heard. 

When you're socializing speak up, if you're struggling to speak do not go introverted, turn up the volume of your voice and talk louder and more clearly. 

Don't be afraid to get your point heard, contribute more to the topic of conversation, do not worry what others think or if they are judging you. 

Try not to monitor how you're feeling, avoid focusing on your flaws and weak points and focus more on what other people are saying rather than focusing on how you're doing and feeling. 

When you walk hold your head up and don't slouch or walk sluggish, it is believed that it is best to walk brisk or fast, but never use any force to hold yourself up.

Act confident and try and maintain eye contact with the people your talking to, smile when you're entering a social situation and smile when you're talking to others. Be more agreeable with people, by doing this your make them feel good and you're getting on better with others. 

Be grateful for who you are and what you have got, focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Learn to accept and more importantly, start to like yourself, ditch the victim and limiting mentality. This includes accepting any flaws and faults you believe you might have. 

Be polite and thank people for anything they do for you. Praise yourself and give praise to others, when you feel confident and good about yourself on the inside you will appear confident on the outside.

 

 



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