Building Your Self Confidence And Social Skills
- Not caring if you get it wrong or if you make any mistakes
- Not caring too much about, what others say or think
- Your negative childhood conditioning
- Being bullied or verbally abused
- Negative, anxious or insecure parents
- The environment you were brought up in
- Your negative experiences
- Your self conditioning
- Your fearful, learned behaviors
- Not accepting yourself/body conscious issues
- Self comparison or wanting to be like somebody else
- Dominant parents
- Try to hide or deny, who we really are
- Comparing ourselves, unfavourably to others
- Wishing we were like others
Some of the key principles and subconscious programs that determines our levels of self confidence and behaviors are:
- Our habits
- Our attitude and perceptions
- Our imagination
- Our learned responses and associations
These are way more powerful and they have a far greater effect and influence on or behaviors, thought processes and confidence levels, than logic, will power and reasoning.
Our body responds to our imagination.
To demonstrate this, if you vividly imagine, something that you're afraid of, doing.
Your heart beat will quicken, your breathing will become shallow, your brain will trigger the release of adrenaline into your body and your muscles will become tense.
If you imagine yourself, taking a nice relaxing walk on a tropical beach, then the opposite will happen, and your body will start to calm down.
However, if you just try and tell your body to relax, nothing will happen.
You cannot really be truly confident, if you don't feel confident.
Any feelings of discomfort are going to reduce your confidence levels, such as:
- Stress and tension,
- Fear and anxiety
- Low confidence emotions and low moods
People who suffer with low confidence, often tend to worry a lot or through the negative use of their imagination.
They see and anticipate things going wrong or they imagine themselves, not handling or coping very well in certain situations.
Again, this will evoke feelings and symptoms of stress, fear and anxiety.
If, you start to imagine things going well or you imagine yourself handling things in a calm and resourceful way, then you will notice a positive shift in your energy.
Get into the habit of imagining and rehearsing things going great and well, over and over again in your mind, notice how good, calm and composed you feel, and tell yourself, how great it feels.
Another things that causes people to feel unconfident is:
The dread, fear or they want to avoid, all the things and situations that they know, would make them feel anxious or uncomfortable.
When you take this approach, what you're actually doing, is.
You're conditioning your mind to associate the things, people or forthcoming situation as being threatening, and something that you, therefore, need to avoid.
So when you have to face that situation for real, you'll automatically respond with fear, panic and anxiety.
The opposite of this is to start to hardwire your brain to associate these feared situations or events as being something to enjoy and look for wds too.
Instead of dreading and wanting to avoid situations, use positive thoughts and words like:
- "I am looking forwards to ........"
- "That seems like fun"
- "I love/like........"
Replace the negative words and labels like, fear and anxiety and use the term.
- "I am excited"
- "I feel excited"
One of the biggest causes of anxiety, worry and stress are thought and feeling suppression.
Our minds are always trying to cover every eventuality. Especially, when we learn we have to do something new or we have to face one of our feared situations.
What will happen is. Your mind will do a mini risk assessment, and it will create images and sounds of what it thinks might happen.
This can cause a physical and emotional response in your body, which is what we call anxiety.
Because people don't like these anxious thoughts, imaginings and feelings. They try and do everything that they can to make them go away.
- They try to suppress them
- They try to numb them, push them away or block them out
- They try to resist them, stop them or defeat them
All this does is it triggers even more of the same kind of thoughts, feelings and instinctive responses, causing a vicious cycle of anxiety, worry and stress.
When they realize that they cannot stop their anxious thoughts or feelings. They then make plans to try and avoid or escape from the situations that are making them feel uncomfortable.
The worst possible things that you can do when you're feeling anxious is:
- Trying to control your thoughts and feelings
- Thought and feeling suppression
One of the best things that you can do is.
When you notice any fearful thoughts, allow your mind to think and experience them, but do not react to them, in fact instantly focus on calming your body and relaxing.
Other important factors are:
- Self belief
- Focus of attention
- Positive self talk
Learning how to breathe correctly will also help to relax you as well as changing your state.
- "I can't"
- "I'll never be able"
- "I don't have the confidence"
- "I can do that"
- "I have the ability to learn and get better"
- "I have the confidence"
- "I don't want"
- "I won't"
- "I am not very good at"
- "I'll never"
We all have bad experiences and bad days, so be wary that you don't spend too much time going over and over in your head about a bad situation, otherwise you may become vulnerable to destructive dependency and negative conduct. What has happened should be left in the past.
Use your negative experiences for self betterment and personal development, because when you have a negative experience, you can either allow it to diminish you or you can use it to motivate yourself to grow and become a better, wiser and more capable and resourceful self.
The foundation and building blocks of self confidence begins with believing in yourself with the awareness that you're equal to everybody else, so therefore you must begin to value and appreciate yourself.
You have the inner potential to, have, be and do what you want and you're already well capable enough to achieve anything you put your mind too.
People think that confident people do not feel comfortable, but this is not true, the only difference is, they do not run away or try to avoid situations that make them feel uncomfortable.
Confident people know that they have to face uncomfortable situations to grow and better their social skills, they also do not shy away from taking on new challenges.
To learn any skill, you have to start from scratch, including building your self confidence.
This is why having a strong self belief in yourself and your abilities come into play, because if you want to be more confident so you can develop and become the best version of you.
Then you need to have a positive attitude, where you trust your ability to learn new skills and grow in confidence, to reach a point where you know that you can do it or get better in any area that you choose.
Do not be put off by making a mistake, if you observe babies and young children, let's say, for example, when they're attempting to walk or learn how to ride a bike.
They do not give up after the first failed attempt, they keep trying until they master it, then they celebrate their triumph with self praise and feelings of excitement.
The only thing that can rob you of your true potential is self doubting yourself and your abilities and capability to learn and improve, so show some faith in your ability to master the things you want to do and become.
Improving your confidence starts with working on the inside because it begins with a feeling and certainty from within.
Confidence, is that state where you intuitively act without constantly having to think about what you're doing, you know when you're outwardly focused and you're instinctively doing things automatically without trying too hard.
The problem starts when you take your focus from external to internal so try to keep out of your own head and take no notice of your imagination when it's throwing up those what if scenarios.
To generate those good feelings, start to tell yourself how awesome you are, how great you are, how strong and courageous you are and how good at doing things you are, say statements starting with, I am good at, I can do that.
You do not have to try and find reasons to validate your claims because your thoughts determine how you feel and eventually how you act and behave so only think thoughts that empower you and make you feel good.
Because what you think determines how you feel and all you looking for is those good feelings and you do not have to justify or prove anything, just keep on boosting yourself up.
This does not mean you have to go around telling everybody and coming across as arrogant and boastful, but by saying them to yourself no one else will know and it is sure to make you feel better.
The Rewards You Will Gain For Your Efforts
The benefits you will gain from being more confident are, you will become happier and be more socially successful, you will have more success with your relationships, but the advantages don't stop there.
You will excel more in your career, your education and you will perform better in just about thing else you attempt to do when you feel calm and comfortable.
It will help also help you to become more popular, this will give you a distinct edge and advantage over others.
People will start to respect and look up to you as they start to admire this new, radiant and bold you, those who come across as bold and assertive do not get picked on or put upon so much.
You will start to get more lucky breaks which can result and snowball in more positive results and successes in every area of your life.
Another big advantage is it will help you to attract the opposite sex or improve your existing relationship.
Change Your Inner Dialogue
One of the old ways that people are taught to increase their confidence is through saying affirmations, this technique will help but it will only help you if you actually believe in what you're telling yourself.
Affirmations work best when you're feeling good, to work they have to be believable, so it may help if you say "everyday in every way I am becoming more confident".
Affirmations also work better for people who already have a high self esteem because they are already coming from a feel good state.
But for under confident people they rarely work because of the negative emotional state they have become stuck in. So only say your affirmations when you're in a good feeling, mood, then really milk it.
To feel and act more confident you first have to impress these new beliefs into your subconscious mind.
By introducing the word I
We are the self image of ourselves, what we believe becomes true to us and as we become what we think so it makes sense to say positive statements about yourself. Too many people put themselves down with statements like I am not very good at this or that.
Begin to change your inner dialogue because in order to become more self assured and extrovert on the outside you have to first start to change from within. Start telling yourself positive statements about yourself and replace all the I can't's to I can.
Tell yourself you're going to be bold and courageous and your fear is not going to prevent you from being the person you want.
See yourself and visualize yourself has you want to be, rather than how you are now, be bold and adventurous because it's always better "to try and fail than it is to fail to try".
Confidence is a positive feeling of calmness, certainty and assurance. It is your ability to do something moderately well or even very well.
It's a thing that can take quite a long time to build, but you can lose it very quickly, this is why it is important that you quickly bounce back when things go wrong and learn to let go of any setbacks.
Sometimes you have to go through it to come through it, this means just doing more of the things that makes you feel uncomfortable, keep pushing yourself beyond your old boundaries as this way you will continue to grow.
You may feel as if you're not a confident person, but this is not true, because there are many things that you can already do well without you having to think about it and as confidence covers every aspect of your life then this means you already have it in some area's.
You just haven't learned the skills you need in other parts of your life and that's all there is to it.
When you first learned to ride a bike you weren't good at it, but you kept at it and after a while with practice you mastered it and then it happens naturally without you haven't too to even think about it.
This principle applies in all the area's you wish to improve, repetition is the key to success, this means practicing doing all the mind work combined with taking action steps in your outer physical reality.
Some Of The Biggest Fears Are
- Fear of not being good enough
- Fear of failure
- Fear of what other people think or what they might say
- Fear of rejection.
- Fear of public humiliation
Confidence For Stressful Events
We all have to face stressful and challenging situations and events at times, and sometimes just the mere thought of having to face a situation where we are unfamiliar with, can send a shock wave through our body and start a process of stress, anxiety and worry.
Some of the most common area's where people need more confidence are, social events or occasions, dating, job interviews, presentations, at work or doing their profession.
What normally tends to happen is, you learn that you have to face a challenging situation or you have got to attend a social event that you feel you might struggle to cope or handle.
This causes worry, fear and anxiety. You then try not to think about the upcoming event, because it is making you feel nervous and anxious.
But the more you try, not to think about it, the more you will think about, and as the strong emotion starts grow, it will pull you inwards and force you to focus on the event, causing you to add even more negative emotion and stress to the forthcoming event.
Before long, you can start to create a traumatic negative experience, in your mind before the event has even happened, through your imagination. This means, most of the fear exists in your mind.
This will not only cause you endless stress and anxiety, leading up to the event, but you will also be conditioning yourself to react with fear, when you have to face the situation for real.
So you will have two problems that you'll need to deal with
- The thoughts you're having about the event
- The actual situation for real
When you're worried and anxious about certain situations, this implies that you have conditioned yourself to associate those kind of situations with fear and danger.
But you can learn to change these negative learned
The self confidence trainer, to the left, will supply you with all the techniques that the highly confident people use.
This includes a hypnosis session that you can use to change the way that you respond in stressful situations and events.
Plus many more proven techniques and exercise that will help you to build your confidence.
Everybody can feel a little nervous or fearful when they take on a new challenge the only difference between the successful and those who are not is, the successful don't let fear hold them back.
Once you successfully manage to change the blueprint in your mind, and hypnosis is probably still by far the best way to achieve this, then you will no longer associate fear to the situation, which should stop all the worry and stress, and this will leave you feeling calmer when the time comes for real.
They will still do what they want to do, despite how they feel and they accept that there will be times when they feel a bit uncomfortable, but they still go ahead and do it, despite the fear.
If you allow yourself to feel a bit uncomfortable at times, and you let you know, it's OK to feel a bit anxious, then you just allow the feelings to travel up through you and away, whilst you put your focus on the task at hand, then you will have less trouble with fear.
Because sometimes, you have to do more of the things that make you feel afraid, to grow in confidence.
Self-doubt can also play a big role in reducing your chances of performing well, so you need to work on overcoming your self-doubt which is when you have those feelings of uncertainty in your ability to attempt or accomplish a task or situation.
Everything Is Just A Perception
But remember those uncertainties are only perceptions and perceptions can be changed, you also need to take action in order to grow and move forward.
You need to do all the mind preparation work which is necessary, but you still have to do the action bit as well.
Each day push yourself a little and take small risks and do some of the things you would normally shy away from, just take a few deep breaths, relax your shoulders, observe the fear but, allow it to carry on and do what you want to regardless how uncomfortable you feel.
To grow, you have to step out of your comfort zone, if you stay in the confines of your comfort zone you will not improve.
Use words like, I can handle that, tell yourself it's not going to kill me so I will do it. After congratulating yourself for being brave and it does not matter how bad things go because you will grow from doing.
The best way to prepare yourself is to mentally rehearse the situation, going as you want it. See yourself how you want to be and imagine every working out as you want it to go.
Visualize and imagine yourself feeling calm and composed in those situations where you need more confidence.
See yourself speaking clearly in the tone of voice you would like to have, focus on how relaxed your body feels and how your breathing is deep and calm. See yourself walking, sitting and standing confidently.
After each negative experience you have, find somewhere quiet, then return to that situation, but this time imagine everything going well and imagine yourself back in that situation feeling how you want to feel. This way your mind will be given a new blueprint to how you wish to handle and feel in that situation.
Let Go Off And Release The Negative Past
The way you think about yourself in conjunction with the challenges you have to face or the goals you set yourself can have a big impact on your personal levels of success you achieve and the results you get.
Learn to forgive yourself for any mistake you have made, learn to forgive others and let go of any past bad experiences.
All successful people make mistakes, they all have failures, but what the successful do is they quickly pick themselves up and they learn something from their errors and setbacks so they move forwards and grow.
Under confident people do the exact opposite, they dwell in their past mistakes and bad experiences and they allow the things that went wrong or how badly they handled a situation to keep them stuck in the past which prevents themselves from growing and developing, leaving them feeling small and limited in a world of limitless possibilities.
They end up worrying about and fearing making the same mistakes over and over again, which breeds feelings of insecurity and insecurity leads to fear and staying stuck in your comfort zone.
Before you attempt a new challenge, try and relax yourself first, it's important you feel comfortable so make sure your body is nice a loose and relaxed. Confidence is all about feel at ease.
Meditation is a great way to relax your body and mind, get into the habit of doing some slow rhythmic breathing before you have to face a challenging or stressful situation.
Make sure the out breath is longer than the in breath, like in for the count of 5, hold for a few seconds then out for the count of 7.
To feel good you need plenty of rest, relaxation and an adequate amount of sleep, moderate exercising will also help you. Looking after your body because it is essential if you want to feel good.
Body posture and physiology
- Food sensitivity
- Nutrient deficiency
- Bad memories
- Focus of attention
- Tense and stiff postures
- Slouching and body being out of balance and alignment
Your body posture will say a lot about how you feel about yourself and how confident you come across.
When our body posture changes our energy and thought processes can change with it.
Although you should avoid slumping and slouching, many people have been told to stand or sit up straight, as this will make them feel more confident.
Personally, I would never advise anybody to stand or sit up straight, as this can cause people to pull themselves up into stiff and tense postures, which will actually make you feel less confident.
You should avoid trying to pull or hold yourself up, as that will cause muscle stiffness, and to feel confident you want to sit and stand at your natural height with the least amount of tension.
Take Daily Positive Action Steps
So instead of focusing entirely on the end result of being extremely confident, take it step by step and with daily positive action and you will in time reach your desired results.
So instead of jumping in at the deep end and trying to be the life and soul of the party, or being super extrovert and cool with the opposite sex, just try and make gradual improvements, be yourself and don't try and fake it.
When you try to impress people or be something you're not, then you will spend all your time worrying what others think or you will constantly try to obtain perfection.
Join in with the fun and conversation a bit more, smile at strangers or the opposite sex and say hello, then start to have a quick conversation, be a bit more outgoing and daring each day. Start off with whatever you feel comfortable with and slowly keep pushing your limits and emotional barriers higher.
By doing it this way it won't feel so daunting and you won't be putting added pressure on yourself. With the gradually and progressively improving yourself approach you will keep feeling better and better about yourself and your progress.
It's not just about the mind work, you also need to take action steps, take on new challenges, attempt new things and join in social more activities.
Do the things that scare you the most, each day do something where normally fear or doubt would have held you back.
To become more self confident you have to change and raise your emotional benchmark, it's not just about acting more confident it's also about feeling as if you're already bold and extrovert.
To achieve this you must change your emotional state in those situations you wish to be more outgoing and relaxed.
Preparation Is The Key
Self hypnosis is still the best way to prepare yourself to act and feel confident in all those difficult and stressful social situations, you can experience the stressful event in your imagination in a calm and relaxed manner before it happens.
Doing this will greatly benefit you in real life situations.
Why people suffer with low self worth is down to the way they think, perceive and how they talk about themselves.
Most people have gotten into the habit of constantly self doubting and underselling themselves, there are no limits to what you can achieve.
A few thoughts of self doubt will cause little harm. But when you consistently knock yourself and self doubt it will become a habit which will become part of your actions
The way to reverse this is to change the way you talk to yourself or what you say to others about, start to use encouraging and positive self talk and language.
Visualize yourself as you want to be, see yourself looking and acting confident, see a calm, comfortable and more poised looking radiant you, picture in your mind a more confident and energetic you, notice in detail how confident you're behaving and how great you're coming across.
Quick Tips To Help You
yourself out of trying new things talking
- Always give yourself credit for everything good you achieve
- You need to have positive and clear goals to focus on and have plenty of hobbies and interests
- Use your creativity and imagination positively
- Force yourself to think positively choose the way you want to think, don't just think on autopilot
- Have a positive outlook on life and create your own future don't rely on luck and chance
- Replace negative self-talk to positive self-talk
- Challenge negative thoughts and change negative beliefs
- Focus on what you want instead of what you don't want
- Look after yourself and keep yourself fit and healthy
Enroll yourself in an acting class because that will help you to improve all aspects of your social confidence or engage in more community activities, although you want to improve and become the best possible version of yourself avoid the pitfall of trying to be too perfect.
Stop caring about what others think about you, be aware that our minds are very good at tricking us into believing we are not capable of doing what we truly are capable of achieving, don't allow your negative ego to limit your progress.
Do not let your mind or your feelings trick you into a false sense of insecurity, your mind can be your best friend it can also destroy you.
Do not allow that inner you, to become the dominant voice, overpower all negative and critical self talk. Also do what you believe to be right even if others try and knock you or put you off.
If you want to feel more assertive than you can try adopting a quick power pose for several minutes.
Open up your body for a couple of minutes, if you're facing a social situation where you feel a bit threatened or uncomfortable, then changing your physiology can help you to shift into a more positive state.
This has been proven to help raise your testosterone levels which can make you feel more assertive, which will help you deal with stressful situations better whilst at the same time making you more fearless and bold.
If you're sitting down, then lean back and put your hands behind your head to act more confidently, if your standing up you can make sure your feet are firmly on the floor, stick your chest out slightly for several minutes but no more you will start to stiffen up, and place your hands on your hips.
Watch The Video Below Demonstrating Power Poses
Take Care Of Your Physical Appearance
Take care of your physical appearance, have a new haircut, buy some new cloths, bright and bold
Go to the gym and improve your body, plus the exercise can give you a feel good, boost, so take good care of yourself, if you respect and appreciate yourself others will respect you back.
If you want to improve your speaking, especially if you have to speak in front of a group, practice in front of the mirror, this is what some of the best and most powerful influential speaker do.
To instantly increase your self-esteem and performance levels, adopt a confident but poised body stance.
If you are sitting down and you feel a bit flat, lean back for a minute or two, interlock your hands behind your head whilst holding your head level.
Be Heard, And Speak Up
One of the worst suggestions we were told when we were young, is little children should be seen but not heard.
When you're socializing speak up, if you're struggling to speak do not go introverted, turn up the volume of your voice and talk louder and more clearly.
Don't be afraid to get your point heard, contribute more to the topic of conversation, do not worry what others think or if they are judging you.
Try not to monitor how you're feeling, avoid focusing on your flaws and weak points and focus more on what other people are saying rather than focusing on how you're doing and feeling.
When you walk hold your head up and don't slouch or walk sluggish, it is believed that it is best to walk brisk or fast, but never use any force to hold yourself up.
Act confident and try and maintain eye contact with the people your talking to, smile when you're entering a social situation and smile when you're talking to others. Be more agreeable with people, by doing this your make them feel good and you're getting on better with others.
Be grateful for who you are and what you have got, focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Learn to accept and more importantly, start to like yourself, ditch the victim and limiting mentality. This includes accepting any flaws and faults you believe you might have.
Be polite and thank people for anything they do for you. Praise yourself and give praise to others, when you feel confident and good about yourself on the inside you will appear confident on the outside.
Tap into your true spiritual happiness
Learn how to deal with the root cause of your anger
Start to lower your stress levels and return back to inner peace
Enjoy the many health benefits of positive thinking
Nearly all the most successful people relax for twenty minutes a day
Stop fighting with your thoughts and learn how to quieten them
Wise up to fear and learn how to tame and outsmart the beast
Worrying can effect your health and quality of life
Tips on how to become more successful in your life
Help to end panic attacks and general anxiety disorder
Use the power of hypnosis to tap into the software of your mid
Out with the old and in with the new ideal and more happier you