Building Your Self Confidence-Internally And Externally

If you suffer with low self confidence, then life can become so much more uncomfortable and more of a struggle, then it really, should or needs, to be. 

Because feelings of low self confidence and low self esteem, and the two affect each other, can severely impede you and prevent you in many self defeating ways, such as:

  • Prevent you from relaxing and be yourself socially
  • Hold you back and prevent you from saying and doing the things that you want
  • Put you off trying new things 
  • Keep you stuck in your comfort zone
  • Cause you to missout on new opportunities
  • Make things like dating, meeting new people, having interviews, attending social events, a nightmare

Many people who suffer with low self confidence, often think that is something wrong with them, you often hear people say.

"I am just, not a very confident person or I am not very good at"

But this simply isn't true and you may be surprised to know, that there is nothing wrong with you and you are already a confident person.

Because, all babies are born with high levels of self esteem and self confidence. 

Have you ever see a young baby or very young child, shy away from attempting something new?

Young children, don't question or doubt their abilities and when a young child attempts to learn something new, for example:

They're trying to learn how to ride a bike. They don't worry about the consequences, they don't doubt their abilities to master riding a bike and they don't give up, if they fail the first, second, third and so on, time.

When they do master it, they celebrate their triumph.

You can also put a very young baby in a group of others young babies, and they will happily mix and play with each other, without doubting or without worrying how their coming across and without worrying, what the other babies think of them.

Are you the type of person who questions and doubts yourself and are you the type of person, who thinks the worst case scenario most of the time?

How many times do you focus on all the things that you're good at, all the things that you can do well and all the good things that you can learn, overcome and master?

Because, with the right positive attitude, you can figure it out, overcome and succeed at anything.

Creating confidence from within

Anxious people tend to focus all their attention and energy on what they don't want or how they don't want to be, then because it makes them feel more anxious and worried, they deploy avoidance and safety tactics, to try and prevent, what they're imaging going wrong, from happening.

Basically, they create a fear, within their minds, of what might happen, then they try to run away or avoid, the imagined, fear.

But, there is a much better and more pleasing way of doing things which is to, always focus on what you want, focus how you want to be or what you want to become.

Because your mind will always try and guide you towards, what you focus on the most, therefore it is incredibly important that you see and imagine yourself, exactly as you would like to be and feel.

Your minds, primary job is, to try to move you away, from pain and move you towards pleasure, including emotional pain and suffering.

Therefore, if you tell yourself that you don't want to do something or you dread a social event or situation, then your mind, will do everything it can, and it will use the emotions that are associated with fear, to try and make you avoid or leave that dreaded or feared, stressful thing or situation.

When you constantly worry or dread something or you dread the thought of attending a social event, you will condition your mind to associate that thing or social situation, as being threatening, making you feel anxious, up to and during the occasion and your mind will try and get you to avoid it. 

However, if you keep on telling yourself, that you're feeling excited about the forthcoming challenge or situation or you repeatedly tell yourself, you're looking forwards to the event, and you let yourself know, that you're going to really enjoy the occasion, and you're going to have great fun.

Then your mind, will start to perceive the thing or social event, as being pleasurable, and you will experience those positive and calm feeling, emotions.

Because you have the power to choose, how you wish to feel, act and behave, so tell your mind how you want to feel and behave and see yourself, in your mind feeling, acting and behaving, how you desire to be.

See and imagine yourself in situations where before you would have felt, anxious and uncomfortable, but this time see and imagine yourself, feeling cool, witty, calm and comfortable; imagine yourself talking fluently, slowly and clearly.

Ask yourself, some self empowering questions, like

  • How can I like myself, even more
  • How can I love myself more
  • How can I feel better
  • How can I be, happier
  • How can I be, more confident
Reasons why you may feel under confident

The thing with self confidence and self esteem are; they can fluctuate from day to day and even hour to hour, and just because you may be experiencing low confidence emotions, doesn't mean that you're not a confident person.  

Because, there are lots of things that lower yourself confidence, like:

  • Your past negative experiences and bad memories (Learned behaviors)
  • Your past programming
  • Whether you love and accept yourself
  • How you perceive yourself and your capabilities
  • Your posture and physiology, ie; stress, tension, anxiety or negative moods
  • Your general wellness and wellbeing
  • Food sensitivity, diet
  • Tiredness and exhaustion
  • Dominant or critical parents

It is virtually, impossible to feel confident, if you're feeling anxious, stressed and tense, because you are much more likely to access your natural powers and abilities, at times when you're feeling relaxed, balanced and in the zone.

Therefore, part of the process, to being and feeling more self confident, requires you to work on taking good care of yourself, changing the way you feel and knowing how to manage and quickly change your state.

Many people feel under confident and fearful in certain situations, because they have had a previous bad experience which causes them to fear or shy away from facing that situation or doing the same thing again.

Everybody fails, everybody gets things wrong and not many, get things right or perform well, the first time.

The best way to get better and the best way the grow and increase your self confidence, is by learning from your mistakes, embarrassments or failures, so instead of allowing them to diminish you and make you weaker, you use them to hep you grow and become stronger.

We learn from doing, repeating and learning, because playing it safe or avoidance tactics, breeds more fear and anxiety, and as far as socializing and self growth, safe leads to dull and limitations.

Be yourself and love and accept yourself

One of the first steps to becoming more confident should be for you to love, approve and accept yourself, exactly the way as you are.

Because, what tends to make us feel unconfident is, when we:

  • Try to hide or deny, who we really are
  • Comparing ourselves, unfavourably to others
  • Wishing we were like others

All of these types of thinking errors are basically telling ourselves that we feel as if we are inadequate, inferior or not good enough.

Two ways of of increasing your confidence can be achieved, by:

1) Through the positive use of your imagination

2) Through doing more of things that would normally feel uncomfortable

Preferably, you should implement both of them, because we learn through doing and repeating, because building your self confidence is a process of elimination and betterment.

Believe in yourself and believe in your abilities to do and achieve, great things, develop the confidence that you can face, overcome and become, anything that you set your mind on.

Each day, love yourself more, and start to accept and love yourself, recognise how worthy and loveable you are. 

Create the self image of yourself, of how you want to be, instead of how you don't want to be, be aware of how valuable and unique you are.

The two levels of self confidence

You could spilt confidence into two parts, internal and external confidence or physical and emotional confidence.

Internal confidence, is the non physical part of you, such as:

  • Your thoughts
  • Your internal representation of yourself
  • Your self image
  • Your memories
  • Your levels of self esteem and how much you value yourself
  • Your beliefs and perceptions,
  • Your feelings and your emotional responses

Your external confidence, could be defined as how you project yourself externally, such as:

  • Your body language, eye connect,posture and physiology
  • Your charisma
  • Your voice tone, how slow, deep or fast you talk
  • How well you present yourself, physique, how well youlook after yourself

Everybody has heard of the mind and body connection and how they can, both have a direct influence on each other.

They key to increasing your confidence is all about mastering, both the external and external levels of confidence.

Learning how to manage your feelings and emotions is also a crucial factor, in building your self confidence, because it is hard to be confident, when you allow your emotions to get the best of you.

Fidgeting, cowering and talking to fast, are all signs of stress, nervousness, insecurity and tension, therefore; your goal should be relaxed and alert or calm and assertive.   

We learn through our experiences and how we then react to a bad or negative experience.

When you overreact to a mistake or a bad, negative or embarrassing experience, you will risk, creating a fear of that experience, which will make you even more fearful.

The truth is, it is far better to have a go, even if you do badly or things don't go well, than to not try at all, because if you keep trying and working on getting better, you will get better.

Make it a habit to create a positive memory, even when things go badly, praise yourself up for being brave and having a go, and give yourself, plenty of self encouragement.

When you do things well, focus on how well and great you did.

Your body language and how well you come across, can largely depend on your external state of being, therefore it is important to try and sit, stand and move, with poise and a calm balance.

Many physical responses and body language behaviour, is often an outward sign of an inward emotion.

Simple things like, smiling in stressful social situations, can make you feel more at ease, and it can make the person, you're talking to, feel more comfortable.

Having a relaxed, poised, aligned, balanced and open body posture, is an important factor, in the projection of external confidence, it will also, make you feel better and relaxed, on the inside.

Real confidence is all about staying calm and composed, physically and emotionally, despite what is going on the outside and when you have mastered both, internal and external confidence, then you will feel more calm, composed and confident, regardless of external factors or situations.

It also involves, be able to handle and remain calm, in times of uncertainty, with the self reassurance of:

"Whatever happens, you know, you'll be OK or you know, you can handle it"

Have the belief, confidence and faith, that you can handle any situation and have an inner knowing, that: 

"Whatever happens, you know you'll be OK"

You might be interested in these Self Confidence Boosting Products

Step out of your comfort zone and grow in confidence

Sometimes, to prove to your anxious self, that you can handle it, you have to be prepared to do it, even if it means, that you'll have to go through a bit of discomfort.

The sooner, you can accept that, there will be times when you feel a bit uncomfortable, the sooner those feelings will pass.

Another important part of increasing your confidence is to adopt a non reactional, approach to

  • Your negative thoughts,
  • Your negative and fearful imagings 
  • Making a mistake
  • Other people.

The more you practice to keep your emotional responses check, the more your confidence will increase.

When people upset you, tease you, try to put you down: Try and pause for a second, slow down, take a deep breath or two, and relax your shoulders, to gain your composure, if need be, stay silent for a few seconds, until your feeling more composed, and then decide on what you want to say.

Because, you will be more powerful, you will be more witty and you will think quicker, smarter and more clearly, when you calm and composed.

If your body tenses or you feel sensations of stress and anxiety. Do not try and control them or resist or hold back your feelings and responses, just allow them to happen, and they will pass bye more quickly.

Most people talk faster and they become more embarrassed and more agitated, when they're feeling anxious, tense and stressed.

Everytime you feel stressed, tense or anxious, offers you an opportunity to relax, not react, slow down, smile and let it go.

If you want to feel more confident, you have to take small risks and step out of your comfort zone, which may involve in doing social things or taking, challenging yourself or taking on new challenges.

When we talk about risk, (We are not talking about doing anything dangerous), were talking about letting go of your past, and doing things that make you feel anxious or doing things, that you have previously told yourself, you cannot do.

Confidence, is not all about being calm or being perfect all the time, in fact, trying to be perfect leads to obsessive behaviors. 

Gaining confidence, is more about having a go or pushing yourself forwards, at times when you may feel uncomfortable or to keep going, keep learning or to keep trying, even when things aren't going so well.

Learn how to manage and quickly change your state

Some of the key principles and subconscious programs that determines our levels of self confidence and behaviors are:

  • Our habits 
  • Our attitude and perceptions
  • Our imagination
  • Our learned responses and associations

These are way more powerful and they have a far greater effect and influence on or behaviors, thought processes and confidence levels, than logic, will power and reasoning.

Our body responds to our imagination. 

To demonstrate this, if you vividly imagine, something that you're afraid of, doing. 

Your heart beat will quicken, your breathing will become shallow, your brain will trigger the release of adrenaline into your body and your muscles will become tense.

If you imagine yourself, taking a nice relaxing walk on a tropical beach, then the opposite will happen, and your body will start to calm down.

However, if you just try and tell your body to relax, nothing will happen.

You cannot really be truly confident, if you don't feel confident.

Any feelings of discomfort are going to reduce your confidence levels, such as:

  • Stress and tension, 
  • Fear and anxiety 
  • Low confidence emotions and low moods 
  • Negativity

People who suffer with low confidence, often tend to worry a lot or through the negative use of their imagination.

They see and anticipate things going wrong or they imagine themselves, not handling or coping very well in certain situations.

Again, this will evoke feelings and symptoms of stress, fear and anxiety.

If, you start to imagine things going well or you imagine yourself handling things in a calm and resourceful way, then you will notice a positive shift in your energy.

Get into the habit of imagining and rehearsing things going great and well, over and over again in your mind, notice how good, calm and composed you feel, and tell yourself, how great it feels.

Another things that causes people to feel unconfident is:

The dread, fear or they want to avoid, all the things and situations that they know, would make them feel anxious or uncomfortable.

When you take this approach, what you're actually doing, is. 

You're conditioning your mind to associate the things, people or forthcoming situation as being threatening, and something that you, therefore, need to avoid.

So when you have to face that situation for real, you'll automatically respond with fear, panic and anxiety.

The opposite of this is to start to hardwire your brain to associate these feared situations or events as being something to enjoy and look for wds too.

Instead of dreading and wanting to avoid situations, use positive thoughts and words like:

  • "I am looking forwards to ........"
  • "That seems like fun"
  • "I love/like........"

Replace the negative words and labels like, fear and anxiety and use the term.

  • "I am excited"
  • "I feel excited"

One of the biggest causes of anxiety, worry and stress are thought and feeling suppression.

Our minds are always trying to cover every eventuality. Especially, when we learn we have to do something new or we have to face one of our feared situations.

What will happen is. Your mind will do a mini risk assessment, and it will create images and sounds of what it thinks might happen.

This can cause a physical and emotional response in your body, which is what we call anxiety.

Because people don't like these anxious thoughts, imaginings and feelings. They try and do everything that they can to make them go away.

Such as:

  • They try to  suppress them
  • They try to numb them, push them away or block them out
  • They try to resist them, stop them or defeat them

All this does is it triggers even more of the same kind of thoughts, feelings and instinctive responses, causing a vicious cycle of anxiety, worry and stress.

When they realize that they cannot stop their anxious thoughts or feelings. They then make plans to try and avoid or escape from the situations that are making them feel uncomfortable.

The worst possible things that you can do when you're feeling anxious is:

  • Trying to control your thoughts and feelings
  • Thought and feeling suppression

One of the best things that you can do is.

When you notice any fearful thoughts, allow your mind to think and experience them, but do not react to them, in fact instantly focus on calming your body and relaxing.

Other important factors are:

  • Self belief 
  • Focus of attention 
  • Positive self talk 
  • Physiology 
  • Preparation

Learning how to breathe correctly will also help to relax you as well as changing your state. 

Mastering your inner self talk

The person that your spend most of your time talking to, listening to and in engaging with, is yourself, therefore, it is in your own best interest, to talk positively and nicely to yourself.

Because, yourself talk is incredibly important and incredibly powerful. 

You can either become the master of your inner self talk or you can become a slave and a victim too it, the choice is yours, but the outcomes will be very different. 

Which choice you make, will determine the rest of your life, what you do and do not do and how well or bad you handle situations.

Human behavior is driven by our habits. Many people have made it a habit to talk to themselves in negative, self defeating and self destructive ways, which limits them and weakens them tremendously.

Yet, it does not have to be this way, if you take control and your become the dominant master of your mind, in a positive and constructive way.

The reality is, too many people have become a servant and a slave too their own inner voice.

Where way too many trust and go along with their negative self, without even challenging it or attempting to change it.

Yet, your life could be so much better if only you started to override and overpower that inner self sabotaging negative voice.

You even have to ask yourself.

Who is your negative inner and is your negative inner voice right and why do you listen to it and obey it, when you know it is not helping or supporting you?

The truth is. That negative inner self is not the real happy, confident and limitless you, neither is it necessarily true or accurate.

Just because you believe something or you have been told something, doesn't mean that's right, accurate or true.  

It is just a reflection of your past negative conditioning and programming, and as it is not serving you well, than it needs changing and upgrading.

This does not mean that you should attempt to suppress your negative thoughts and feelings, because, at the moment, their a part of you.

Therefore; it is important that you always, allow your mind to think about what it wants, forever, as long as it wants, without you reacting or trying to suppress or resist your thoughts.

Remember, you are human, therefore; it is perfectly natural, for you to experience, a wide range of emotions, each day.

The common mistake, that nearly everybody makes is; they think that they should try to feel perfect all of the time, therefore they wage war on their feelings and emotional response, trying to defeat them or eliminate them, entirely.

However, this approach is fruitless and soul destroying, and it will leave you feeling beaten, every single time.

Wouldn't it be much better, if you accepted a bit of discomfort, from time to time, and instead of trying to suppress your thoughts and feelings, it would be wiser, to leave them be and only focus on feeling calm, happy and relaxed.

Resistance leads to more emotional arousal and negative resistance; but if you think to yourself, it is just a few temporary thoughts and feelings, which will soon pass, if Ioffer them no resistance, then they will soon fade away.

The old part of you does not like change, therefore it will try and resist and oppose, any new changes you try to make and it will try and stop you from, stepping outside of your comfort zone.

Anytime you become aware of your negative inner voice trying to oppose or resist you or what you want to do or change.

Silently and firmly, affirm to yourself what you want, or let it know that "You'll be OK, so the fear is not necessary"

Or let your worried and anxious self, clearly know:

"It is OK for you..... (then state what you're scared of or what your scared of doing)

So lets say, you're about to say or do something, that makes you react with anxiety, for example:

Your about to draw the attention to yourself, but as you do, your start to notice some fearful resistance or emotional arousal.

Again, silently and formly, repeatedly, say to yourself. 

"It is OK for me to be the center of attention, so the anxiety is not needed"

Say or affirm it to yourself, firmly and repeatedly, until that negative resistance, backs off and fades away.

Be firm with yourself, as your parents were firm with you, and force your mind to accept your new positive changes capabilities and desires.

For example: If your negative inner voice, tries to tell you things like.  

You're not capable enough. 

Say to yourself, silently and firmly.

"I am more than capable"

Or if you hear yourself say things like: 

  • "I can't"
  • "I'll never be able"
  • "I don't have the confidence"

Change them and affirm it to yourself, repeatedly

  • "I can do that"
  • "I have the ability to learn and get better"
  • "I have the confidence"

Quickly learn how to identify, any negative thoughts of doubt and self destruction and spin them around to a positive statement or way of perceiving things.

Always, give yourself, positive words of support, optimism and encouragement and force your mind to accept the positive changes that you want and get it to see that their are always better ways of thinking and doing things, instead of worrying and avoiding doing things.

If you have a goal, to increase your chances of success, make sure you state it and frame what you want, in a positive term.

Because, if you state or frame your goals in negative phrases, then this is more likely to defeat you and put you off, instead of motivating you and filling you full of confidence and self belief. 

Avoid framing your goals in negative terms, such as:

  • "I don't want"
  • "Shouldn't"
  • "Mustn't"
  • "Can't"
  • "I won't"
  • "Stop"
  • "I am not very good at"
  • "I'll never"

Example of some negative framed goals and their positive opposites

Negatively framed  >  "I want to stop feeling anxious"   

Positively framed  >  "I would like to feel cool, calm and confident in all social situations"

Negatively framed  > "I don't want to be fat"                 

Positively framed   "I would love a slim and healthy, toned body"

Negatively framed  > "I'll never be able to"                   

Positively framed  >  "I have the ability to learn or overcome anything"

Negatively framed  > "I am not very good at"               

Positively framed  >  "I can have, do or become anything I want"

Make it a habit to always focus on what you want or what you're capable of. Instead of focusing or worrying about, what you don't want, because when you think like this, it will create positive feelings and a positive attitude, instead of those negative feelings and struggles.

Bring yourself back to the present moment

Confidence is a feeling of being grounded in the now with the feeling of no matter what happens, you'll be OK.

Because all your power lies in the now, what robs you of it is when you're constantly focused on how you're feeling or how you're doing.

If you begin to feel uncomfortable, let those thoughts float on passed peacefully and put your attention onto anything that does not make you feel uncomfortable.

Learning how to let go of anything that makes you feel bad and not allowing trivial things or minor setbacks to take you away from that peaceful flow state. 

We lack self confidence when we constantly go inwards and monitor ourselves and how we're feeling or when venture out of the present moment.

Another way to knock your confidence is when you allow others or your mistakes and failures to affect how you think, respond and feel. If things have not gone well for you, try not to get frustrated or disappointed.

So to be more confident you will need to learn how to overcome your fears and manage your anxious thoughts and emotions. 

Getting rid of feelings of inferiority and inadequacy

Probably the single biggest reason why people lack self confidence, they have an inferiority complex and they generally feel inadequate is down to the not enoughs.

We live in a world which is full of seemingly perfect looking models who have extensive makeovers and who been airbrushed.

Then on top of this, most people heap social pressures on themselves where feel they have to be and come across as being and looking perfect, which can soon lead to feeling inferior.

When you think that you're not enough in any areas of your life, especially the feeling that you're not good enough or worthy enough, then this can destroy your self esteem and self confidence.

Never think that you're not good enough, or believe that there is something wrong with you, because this could not be further from the truth.

Also avoid trying to make comparisons to others or thinking that you're inferior to other people or they are somehow better than you.

How many times have you said to yourself, that you wish that you could be like somebody else you admire, maybe you think that you're not interesting enough.

What you really want, is for other people to wish, they were more like you.

Many people make all types of excuses and they talk themselves out of doing all sorts of things, this is not because they cannot do it or learn it, they cannot do it because of the belief that they think they cannot do the things they want to do or say.

When you feel that you're not good enough, there is something wrong with you or you feel inferior to someone, then this can create feelings of insecurity and lead to feelings of anxiety and depression.

When you start to compare yourself to others, it can leave you feeling ugly, you may think that you don't measure up or you are a lesser human being.

Or perhaps you mistakenly feel that you're stupid or not smart enough, what you have to say isn't worth saying or you need to be different.

Never doubt your own abilities, instead learn how to develop them and be happy and proud to be yourself.

When you think that you're not good enough or that you're inadequate, then it will create a negative self image of you, that will be projected for the world to see.

Avoid the thinking trap that you should be as good as others or that you're not as good as others as this will deny you of unleashing your true potential and being the wonderful and special, talented unlimited person that you have been hiding away from the rest of the world and yourself.

Whether or not you feel that you're good enough will depend entirely on what you believe and what you tell yourself.

You should not rely on others to tell you that you're good enough nor should you believe or accept, any suggestions that go against the real truth that, "You Are Good Enough And Deserving Enough"

All you have to do is start to drop the not, out of all the enoughs, and begin to affirm repeatedly what self help expert Marisa Peers, tells her clients.

" I am enough, I always have been and I always will be"

Let you know, each day, and many times that, you are good enough, you are worthy enough, you are confident enough, you are powerful enough, you are worthy enough and so on.

Thinking that you're not good enough or worthy enough is a limiting belief, not a fact If you hold any negative beliefs about you, no longer accept them or believe them and then change them.

You have not got to fall into the trap that you need to keep on improving, as that suggest a negative belief that you're not good enough, you can still be the best version of you, but the reality, is you were born good enough, worthy enough and deserving enough.

Create positive feelings of calm 

Confidence is a positive feeling of calmness, certainty and assurance. It is your ability to do something moderately well or even very well. 

It's a thing that can take quite a long time to build, but you can lose it very quickly, this is why it is important that you quickly bounce back when things go wrong and learn to let go of any setbacks.

Sometimes you have to go through it to come through it, this means just doing more of the things that makes you feel uncomfortable, keep pushing yourself beyond your old boundaries as this way you will continue to grow. 

You may feel as if you're not a confident person, but this is not true, because there are many things that you can already do well without you having to think about it and as confidence covers every aspect of your life then this means you already have it in some area's. 

You just haven't learned the skills you need in other parts of your life and that's all there is to it. 

When you first learned to ride a bike you weren't good at it, but you kept at it and after a while with practice you mastered it and then it happens naturally without you haven't too to even think about it. 

This principle applies in all the area's you wish to improve, repetition is the key to success, this means practicing doing all the mind work combined with taking action steps in your outer physical reality.

Some Of The Biggest Fears Are

  •  Fear of not being good enough 
  •  Fear of failure 
  •  Fear of what other people think or what they might say
  •  Fear of rejection. 
  •  Fear of public humiliation
Letting go of your emotional baggage

The way you think about yourself in conjunction with the challenges you have to face or the goals you set yourself can have a big impact on your personal levels of success you achieve and the results you get.

Learn to forgive yourself for any mistake you have made, learn to forgive others and let go of any past bad experiences. 

All successful people make mistakes, they all have failures, but what the successful do is they quickly pick themselves up and they learn something from their errors and setbacks so they move forwards and grow. 

Under confident people do the exact opposite, they dwell in their past mistakes and bad experiences and they allow the things that went wrong or how badly they handled a situation. 

They end up worrying about and fearing making the same mistakes over and over again, which breeds feelings of insecurity and fear.

Before you attempt a new challenge, try and relax yourself first, it's important you feel comfortable so make sure your body is nice a loose and relaxed. Confidence is all about feeling at ease.

Meditation is a great way to relax your body and mind, get into the habit of doing some slow rhythmic breathing before you have to face a challenging or stressful situation.

 Make sure the out breath is longer than the in breath, like in for the count of 5, hold for a few seconds then out for the count of 7.

To feel good you need plenty of rest, relaxation and an adequate amount of sleep, moderate exercising will also help you. Looking after your body because it is essential if you want to feel good.

Body posture and physiology 

Self confidence is not all about the mind, your body and your physiology will also play a huge part in how confident you are.

You can boost your self confidence by changing your physical state or changing your posture, to a relaxed and balanced posture.

At one time people used to think that the mind and body were two separate things, but these days, we now know that the mind and mind are one whole and they both can affect each other.

If your body is out of balance, you are deficient in some of the vital vitamins and minerals, or you are suffering from inflammation in the mind and body, then all these can have a negative impact on your mental and emotional well-being.

Your mind and body is a complex and interconnecting network of patterns, associations, systems, organisms, muscles and mechanism working together as parts of a complex whole.

When everything is functioning efficiently and working together in good harmony, balance and coordination, then you will feel relaxed and more at ease, and these are the times when, you will be at your most confident.

When one of your systems is out of sync or balance, then it will have a knock on effect on all the other systems in your body, and you will feel less confident.

Things that can throw your body out of sync, are 

  • Stress 
  • Anxiety 
  • Worry
  • Food sensitivity 
  • Nutrient deficiency  
  • Bad memories 
  • Focus of attention 
  • Tense and stiff postures 
  • Slouching and body being out of balance and alignment

Your body posture will say a lot about how you feel about yourself and how confident you come across. 

When our body posture changes our energy and thought processes can change with it.

Although you should avoid slumping and slouching, many people have been told to stand or sit up straight, as this will make them feel more confident.

Personally, I would never advise anybody to stand or sit up straight, as this can cause people to pull themselves up into stiff and tense postures, which will actually make you feel less confident.

You should avoid trying to pull or hold yourself up, as that will cause muscle stiffness, and to feel confident you want to sit and stand at your natural height and expansion, with the least amount of tension.

If you are having trouble with your posture, then I would recommend that you visit Brett Hershey who is a Qualified Alexander Teacher, because if you mess about with your posture, without knowing what you're doing, then you can make things a lot worse.

Eating a good healthy and balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables (especially the green leafy variety) omega three oils and essential nutrients, especially magnesium, which is a great for reducing, stress, anxiety and tension, can improve your mood, give you more energy and make you feel better.

Getting enough good quality sleep and plenty of relaxation, will help make you feel more confident, as can exercise.

Changing your physiology can change your state and your thought process, if you feel a bit under confident, put on a big smile, ease and relax your muscles, and take some slow and deep powerful breaths.

Take Daily Positive Action Steps

Instead of focusing entirely on the end result of being extremely confident, take it step by step and with daily positive action and you will in time reach your desired results. 

You have not got to be, the life and soul of the party, neither have you got to try and be the super extrovert and cool with the opposite sex.

Just try and make gradual steps forwards, be yourself and don't try and fake it.

The same thing applies, when you're talking to the opposite sex or someone you feel attracted to, just casually approach them and talk to them as if they're a good friend.

no need to to try and come up with any chat up lines or gimmicks, just introduce yourself and talk naturally as you would to somebody you already knew well.

When you try to impress people or be something you're not, then you will spend all your time worrying what others think or you will constantly try to obtain perfection.

Join in with the fun and conversation a bit more, get to know the topics they're interested in, to give yourself more to talk about.

Smile at strangers or the opposite sex and say hello, then start to have a quick conversation, be a bit more outgoing and daring each day. 

Take one small step at a time; start off with whatever you feel comfortable with and slowly keep pushing your limits and emotional barriers higher. 

By doing it this way it won't feel so daunting and you won't be putting added pressure on yourself. With the gradually and progressively improving yourself approach you will keep feeling better and better about yourself and your progress. 

It's not just about the mind work, you also need to take action steps, take on new challenges, attempt new things and join in social more activities. 

Do the things that scare you the most, each day do something where normally fear or doubt would have held you back.

To become more self confident you have to change and raise your emotional benchmark, it's not just about acting more confident it's also about feeling as if you're already bold and extrovert. 

To achieve this you must change your emotional state in those situations you wish to be more outgoing and relaxed.

Why people suffer with low self worth is down to the way they think, perceive and how they talk about themselves. 

Most people have gotten into the habit of constantly self doubting and underselling themselves, there are no limits to what you can achieve.

A few thoughts of self doubt will cause little harm. But when you consistently knock yourself and self doubt it will become a habit which will become part of your actions behaviours and how you feel. 

The way to reverse this is to change the way you talk to yourself or what you say to others about, start to use encouraging and positive self talk and language. 

Visualize yourself as you want to be, see yourself looking and acting confident, see a calm, comfortable and more poised looking radiant you, picture in your mind a more confident and energetic you, notice in detail how confident you're behaving and how great you're coming across. 

Quick Tips To Help You

  1.  Avoid talking yourself out of trying new things
  2.  Always give yourself credit for everything good you achieve
  3.  You need to have positive and clear goals to focus on and have  plenty of hobbies and interests
  4.  Use your creativity and imagination positively
  5.  Force yourself to think positively choose the way you want to think,  don't just think on autopilot
  6.  Have a positive outlook on life and create your own future don't rely  on luck and chance
  7.  Replace negative self-talk to positive self-talk
  8.  Challenge negative thoughts and change negative beliefs
  9.  Focus on what you want instead of what you don't want
  10.  Look after yourself and keep yourself fit and healthy

Enrolling yourself in an acting class, can help you to improve all aspects of your social confidence as can engaging in more community activities.

Stop caring about what others think about you, be aware that our minds are very good at tricking us into believing we are not capable of doing what we truly are capable of achieving, don't allow your negative ego to limit your progress. 

Do not allow that inner you, to become the dominant voice, overpower all negative and critical self talk. Also do what you believe to be right even if others try and knock you or put you off.

Power possess

If you want to feel more assertive than you can try adopting a quick power pose for several minutes. 

Open up your body in an open but relaxed, stance for a couple of minutes, if you're facing a social situation where you feel a bit threatened or uncomfortable, then changing your physiology can help you to shift into a more positive state. 

This has been proven to help raise your testosterone levels which can make you feel more assertive, which will help you deal with stressful situations better whilst at the same time making you more fearless and bold.

Although holding a power pose for a few minutes can boost your courage and confidence,make sure you do not forcefully do it in a tense and stiff posture.

If you're sitting down, then lean back and put your hands behind your head to act more confidently, if your standing up you can make sure your feet are firmly on the floor, stick your chest out slightly for several minutes but no more you will start to stiffen up, and place your hands on your hips. 

Watch The Video Below Demonstrating Power Poses

Take Care Of Your Physical Appearance

Taking good care of your physical appearance can help you to look better and feel better about yourself.

Have a new haircut, buy some new clothes, bright and bold colours can make you feel more confident, red is one particular colour that can make feel more confident. 

Go to the gym and improve your body, plus the exercise can give you a feel good, boost, so take good care of yourself, if you respect and appreciate yourself others will respect you back. 

If you want to improve your speaking, especially if you have to speak in front of a group, practice in front of the mirror, as this is what some of the best and most powerful influential speaker do.

Be Heard, And Speak Up

One of the worst suggestions we were told when we were young, is little children should be seen but not heard.

Quite possibly, why some children grow up lacking in self confidence could be because they're are not encouraged enough, to express themselves and speak up, in fact quite the opposite happens. 

Expressing your opinions and having your say is very important for you as it allow you to get your views across.

If you have suffered with anxiety or shyness, then you might find yourself speaking fast, because you're in a hurry to say what you have to say, so you can get yourself out of the limelight.

When you're socializing and you find yourself hurrying, what you have to say or you're find yourself speaking timidly and quietly.

Slow yourself down or speak up, keep your focus external and try not to go inside; turn up the volume of your voice and talk louder and more clearly. 

Don't be afraid to get your point heard, contribute more to the topic of conversation, do not worry what others think or if they are judging you. 

Try not to monitor how you're feeling, avoid focusing on your flaws and weak points and focus more on what other people are saying rather than focusing on how you're doing and feeling. 

When you walk hold your head up and don't slouch or walk sluggish, it is believed that it is best to walk brisk or fast, but never use any force to hold yourself up.

Act confident and try and maintain eye contact with the people your talking to at times, smile when you're entering a social situation and smile when you're talking to others.

Although you should have your say, try not to convince people to agree with you, if you feel passionate about somethings and you want to convince others, do it smartly, throw fact based question to them that question their beliefs.

Be more agreeable with people, by doing this your make them feel good and you're getting on better with others.  

Be polite and thank people for anything they do for you. Praise yourself and give praise to others, when you feel confident and good about yourself on the inside you will appear confident on the outside.


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