How To Build Your Children's Confidence And Why it Matters?

We all love our children, we all want what's best for them and we all want to give them what they want so they can be happy, do well and excel at life. 

Raising children can very rewarding and pleasurable but equally it can be exhausting and hard work at times. Parents and their peers shape, influence and define young children to massive degree.

A young child's mind is like a sponge and an open book and the beliefs and mental programs they inherit in their early years can influence their thought patterns, behaviors and actions for their entire life. 

In the first seven years of your life, your children are in the theta state which is the same state as hypnosis.

During these critical first seven years of your children's development your children will be open, highly suggestive and receptive to everything they see, hear or are told.

Which means this is the most crucial time to build your children's confidence and install in them all the positivity and encouragement you can as well as feeding them with the right positive suggestions and affirmations.

After the first seven year, your children will start to learn through the slightly harder process of learning, doing and repeating, until it becomes a habit.

If your children inherit dis-empowering, limiting and sabotaging negative beliefs and limiting and bad programs in their early development stages.

Then these negative programs and beliefs will become firmly embedded in their subconscious mind which is the part of their mind that controls nearly all of their habits, actions and behaviors which control and affect, virtually everything in their lives.

The same applies if they are given labels, like: They are shy, timid, stupid or quiet to name a few. And the reason why all this is so incredibly important is those they get labels can become who they are.

If a young child comes to believe that they are not loved or if they hear things that causes them to buy into the belief that they're not good enough, smart enough or worthy enough.

Then all these negative programs and beliefs will not support your children to live a happy, successful and fulfilling life and they will destroy their self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem. 

But loving your children is not all about giving them everything that they want and demand all of the time. 

Giving your children the best possible start in live

Loving your children is also about giving them what is best for them and what is best for their long term wellness and well-being and there's nothing better for a child than for them:

  • To be happy
  • To feel confident
  • To feel good
  • To live a life without fear and insecurity
  • To live a successful and fulfilling life

Helping your children to be happy, successful and confident, by teaching them the everyday life skills and tools that will bring them more happiness, inner peace and more success throughout the rest of their lives, is worth far more than any physical possession you could give them.

Sometimes, as parents, what we think is best for our children, is not necessary what they need the most. 

Although it is important for them to study learn and develop their skills and creativity, so they can get a good career and education, they also need the social skills and tools to help them handle the stresses and challenges of adult life.

Many children and teenagers are not taught some of the the most valuable life lessons and skills, which are essential for them to be confident and for them to live a happier, fulfilling and more successful life.

Although children will ask for all the latest's mobile phones, electrical devices, play-stations and designer clothes.

There are many other things they need which may not sound so appealing to them, but are incredibly important for their future development, well-being and happiness, such as:

  • Developing their social skills 
  • Learning how to manage their feelings and emotions  
  • Creative problem solving skills
  • Building their self confidence
  • Relationships and handling relationship breakups
  • Constructive and positive thinking skills
  • Learning them how important it is to love and accept themselves
  • The importance of eating healthily
The statistics don't lie

There seems to be a rise in children's mental health issues with more and more children suffering from low self confidence, low self worth and low self esteem as well as an increase in emotional issues such as: 

  • Anxiety and worry 
  • Insecurity 
  • Depression

An anxious child or a shy child or a child that is suffering with insecurity issues, low self confidence and low self esteem, and they're usually all linked together, is going to be an unhappy child and confused, who will suffer and struggle throughout their life.

This can lead to a whole host of problems for them later in their life, especially as they enter their teen and adult years. 

Which can lead to them resorting to alcohol or recreational drugs, to help them: 

  • Cope with life's pressures, stressess, worries and anxieties 
  • Be more socially outgoing and confident
  • Give them the courage to approach a potential partner
  • Help them to feel more relaxed and comfortable socially

A recent worldwide survey, conducted on a group of 200.000 teenagers is showing that many 10 to 15 year old teenagers are:

  • Not satisfied or happy about their life
  • Unhappy about their appearance, with
  • One in five claiming that they worry 
  • Say they don't feel very confident

The reason why, some are not happy with their appearance, is because they are unfavourably comparing themselves with the constant bombardment, of all the models that they see on Instagram and other social media platforms, TV and glossy magazines.

Being so exposed to all these weight lifters and models is making many children feel insecure in their own experience, which can affect their wellbeing and lower their self esteem and self confidence.

Making sure that your children eat healthily and they engage in plenty of physical activity, instead of spending too much time over stimulating themselves on gaming devices or on mobile phones and social media platforms, trying to get as many likes, to try and make them feel less insecure, is a good place to start.

Technology when used sensibly is a good thing, but some of the more older and traditional activities, like playing sports, walking in nature, should not be overlooked.

It is important to teach young children to love and accept themselves, for who they are, it is also good and highly beneficial, to work on, teaching them to:

  • Accept themselves 
  • To be themselves
  • To be happy with themselves

The goal is to set your children up for a happy and successful life experience.

It is sad and worrying to hear about the amount of young children who are suffering with mental health, unhappiness and emotional issues, and it is even more tragic to hear about the amount of teenagers and young adults, who take their own lives.

Some of the problem areas for the young, where they may need more help and support, are:

  1. Relationships problems
  2. Transformation from child to teenager
  3. Not being prepared for the transition from school life to work and adult life
  4. Body conscious issues, insecurity
  5. Social anxiety issues
  6. Not feeling good enough
  7. Low self confidence, low self worth, low self esteem
  8. Not knowing how to manage their feelings and emotions

Children who are happy with themselves, outgoing, self assured and who have a good level of self esteem and self confidence: 

  • Will have a better chance of getting on in life and excelling in their career 
  • They will find it easier to mix, socialize and meet new people
  • They will tend to form better relationships 
  • They will take on more challenges and handle life's problems better
  • They will be more socially skillful and successful 
  • They will probably live a happier and more fulfilling life

There are many signs that can give you and indication that your child is suffering with emotional issues, inner insecurities or low self confidence, some of the things to lookout for and be aware of, are:

  • If your child is shy, withdrawn and quiet
  • They seem to worry a lot
  • If they have trouble mixing with other children
  • If they are fidgety, clingy or withdrawn
  • If they are very sensitive or fidgety
  • If they have trouble expressing themselves or mixing with others
  • If they suffer with separation anxiety
  • If they have trouble speaking in front of a group
  • If they avoid or shy away from volunteering to try new things
The benefits your children will reap from building their children's self confidence

Helping your children to build their self confidence and self esteem so they can thrive, grow, live their best life and become more successful, in every area of their life should be every parents number one priority. 

Because there are many positive lifestyle and well-being benefits your children will gain by helping and encouraging them to feel happy and build or maintain their self confidence.

Some of the biggest benefits of building your children's confidence, are:

1)  Confidence is a life skill and it is the one single thing that separates successful people and happy people from unsuccessful and unhappy people.

2)  When a child has an abundance of natural self confidence it means they are in a calm and feel good state and if they are in a calm and feel good state, they will be free of all those self destructive negative emotions.

3)  If you're children are confident and happy then you will be much happier, content and at peace. This will allow you to relax and enjoy your life knowing that you're child has the foundations to go on to enjoy a wonderful and happy, successful life.

A confident child. Who is a free spirit will grow up to be a happy and more successful person who will be better equipped to handle and overcome any challenges and obstacles that life throws at them.

Causes of low confidence in children

All children are born happy and with high levels of self esteem and self confidence, they also, all have a desire for freedom and a sense of fun, enjoyment.

Unlike adults, young children do not question or doubt themselves, they dream big and they believe in themselves and their abilities to learn and take on new challenges, so as parents, we should be extra careful we don't knock this out of them.

Critical, strict or overly dominant parents, teachers, peers or family members is one cause of low self esteem and low self confidence in children, especially if you're saying it in a harsh and dominant tone of voice.

When children are constantly criticized or put down, then this can start to distort and negatively impact, the way young children perceive themselves.

it can be especially hard for young children when the harsh comments, criticism and put downs is coming from those who love them, those who they need to protect them or those they look up too. 

Another source of low confidence can develop from them having a negative experience, such as being humiliated, being told off for making a mistake or if their highly embarrassed or laughed at in front of others.

If the parents are overly anxious, depressed or negative people, then this also can be picked up on and mimicked by young children.

Although external criticism, bullying and name calling and verbal put downs can negatively impact a young child's confidence and self esteem.

As they become more self aware, they can start to develop their own fears, doubts, worries and insecurities.

Because a child has no idea how to handle or process their feelings and emotions, before long, their own inner negative self criticism and internal dialogue can become their own worst enemy and they can get stuck in a loop and cycle of internal fear, worry and anxiety.

Teaching your children to manage their feelings and emotions

Very young children have know inhibitions, they know they are good enough, they also have no limitations and they instinctively know how to play, learn, overcome and have fun.

They also have a vivid and create imagination, which they use to imagine all the great things that they're going to be or do in the future.

If your child is a anxious child, shy or insecure or if your child worries a lot, they can soon begin to lose their natural self confidence as they begin to negatively misuse their powerful imagination. 

Explaining to your children, that they're body responds to their imagination and when they worry and imagine things going wrong or bad, they will feel bad.

But if they think positive thoughts and they imagine everything going well or right, then they will feel good, the key is to get them into the habit of imagining what they want, rather than worrying and imagining, what they don't want.

It is also highly important to teach your children about their thoughts, feelings and emotions. 

When your children were young, anytime they felt scared or upset, they would run to their parents for comfort, but as they grow up, they need to learn how to process their own feelings and emotions.

Let them know that it is perfectly natural for them to feel uncomfortable and scared at times, especially when they try something new and let them know that there feelings and thoughts are trying to help protect them and keep them safe.

If they think that they're in danger then they need to know that should avoid the thing, person or situation or not do or stop doing what the thing that is dangerous

But, also tell them, that sometimes they will have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, when they're socializing or attempting doing something new, or at other times when they aren't in any danger.

Children need to know how to process their feelings and emotions, and a good way to explain this is by telling them not to fight with or resist their thoughts and feelings, otherwise they will persist and get stronger.

Instead try to explain to them that if they take no notice of their bad thoughts and feelings, just as you woulds tell them to take no notice of somebody teasing them or saying nasty things to them, then those feelings will soon go away.

Then teach them how to research or use their all powerful mind to help them to solve or overcome their problems.

If is this is the case, then they should be encouraged to be brave and they should be told to smile, take a few deep breaths, relax their shoulders and just allow their thoughts and feelings to flow through them and away.

Then they should be encouraged to carry on with what they're doing, even if they feel a bit uncomfortable. 

Everytime they attempt or have a go at something new, tell them to praise themselves up afterwards for being so brave and get them into the habits of celebrating their achievements, both big and small ones, and get them to enjoy those positive feelings.

How to Raise Happy, Healthy, Self-Confident Children!

Allow your children to express themselves

It is incredibly important that young children should be allowed and encouraged to express themselves and their opinions. 

All children should be allowed the freedom to express themselves, as long as they are not being nasty to others. 

They also should be allowed to develop their own traits, personality and uniqueness.

Perfectionism is another reason that can affect a child's well-being and self confidence, so it is very important to let your children know that it is OK for them to make a mistake and it is  OK for them to fail and get things wrong.

Tell your children that they will get better through having a go and practicing, because the more they do something the better they will get at it.

Reassure them, that it is much better to be brave, and have a go, even if it goes badly or not vet well, rather than shying away from a challenge or not having a go.

Children should be encourage for having a go, and they should never be criticized for trying by others for not doing well, it is also incredibly important that they learn to praise themselves for trying, even if they do not do it very well.

Even if things don't go well, tell them it is the having a go that is most important and if they keep trying they will get better and better.

Children should also be encouraged, if they have a goal, hobby or passion they want to follow, as it can give their life a sense of meaning which can help increase their happiness and well-being.

The choice of words that you use to speak to your children is also of the utmost importance

Sometimes as parents we might not be aware of. That the words that we use may have a huge effect on our children and they might have a different interpretation of what we are saying.

Words can either empower or dis-empower your children as can the tone of our voice. 

A dominant, negative and critical tone of voice and choice of words can destroy a child's confidence.

Some parents, in the midst of their anger, stress or frustration can tend to voice out potentially negative and harmful comments and statements that spring into their mind.

Without considering the negative consequences or long term damage they might be doing to their children. Even though they only want, what is best for their children.

Therefore, it is best to pay careful attention to what and how you say things.

Think things through and filter out the bad or negative words or comments. The best way to speak to your children is to try and do your best, to speak words and statements in a positive manner and calm tone of voice.

If you need to educate or turn a wrong into a right. Try and get your message across, in the best way possible.

Teach them values and correct them, but also encourage them to research and look for ways to solve their problems or overcome their challenges.

Children should also be told, that it is OK to make mistakes. Rather than being hard on them for making a mistake, show them where they have been going wrong and encourage them to learn and get better.

As parents, we can sometimes expect our children to live up to out high expectations and standards.

If they are upset because they have failed. Just mention that they have not yet achieved success or reached the levels that they are more than

Avoid focusing on their negatives qualities, instead focus on their strengths and capabilities.

If you severely scold your children for making a mistake, getting poor results or failing. 

You might discourage them from making the same mistakes again or you may even put them off trying. You may also diminish their self esteem and self confidence.

Whenever you can, always try to find a nicer and gentler way of learning them a valuable lesson. 

Because when you install fear into a child. You will create negative memories and negative neural associations that can negatively impact your children in the future.

So be careful not to use strong and harsh words and tones of voice of discouragement and condemnation.

Children need to learn valuable life lessons and they need to be told what is safe and what is a potential risk to them.

But you have to be very careful that you do not install fear into them where it is not necessary.

Some parents use fear, in the belief that it will help to improve their performances or motivate them to get better results or they will negatively compare them with children who are performing better.

This actually, can have the opposite effect to what you want plus it will pile pressure on them which will disrupt their performance levels and chances of success.

Some parents might use negative and self destructive words like:

  • You're always failing or getting things wrong
  • Why can't you be like
  • You'll never achieve anything
  • You can't get a good career if you don't get good exam results
  • If you don't get good results you'll end up 
  • You'll never going to get a decent job/career
  • You're a disgrace to your family
  • Your a waste of space
  • Your stupid/worthless 
  • You've let yourself down

Although you want the best for your children, using these kind of negative statements or belittling your children, is not the correct way of doing things.

Children need to be inspired, encouraged and motivated rather than scaring them. 

A relaxed, happy and positive child will always perform better and do better at everything in life. Than a stressed, insecure, anxious and fearful child.

Children need an "I can" attitude and they need to have the believe that they can learn and they have the capacity to achieve great and marvelous things.

Children need to be encouraged and told they have the ability to learn and achieve good things if they are prepared to learn and put in a bit of effort. 

Encouragement and creating positive images in their mind of what they can achieve, do or become is far better than deploying nagging, fearful and forceful tactics.

Make them feel proud, important and loved and encourage them to use their true greatness and limitless potential.

Let them know. That even though they might not yet possess the skills,levels and qualities that they want. They can develop and learn them.

You can achieve this by installing in them the confidence they need and making them believe that they already have the characteristics, creativity, capabilities an inner genius that will eventually bring them the things that they want.

Children should be encouraged to become the best version of themselves rather than them thinking they need to be like other children.

Let children be children

Very young children do not worry about what to say or whether what they say is worth saying. The interact and play together without any worries, insecurities or fears.

They are not afraid of being rejected, they are not self conscious and they are not worried about how they are coming across nor do they try and anticipate what might go wrong all the time.

They just, be themselves and live in the moment. Without trying to impress each other or without trying to live up too their ego's.

They're not self conscious and they don't even care too much about:

  • What they look like 
  • What clothes they're wearing 
  • What hairstyles they have

Neither do they worry too much about the opinion of others or what others think about them. They just live life for the moment.

It is not until they start to get a bit older. Do they start develop an ego and they become more insecure, self aware and self conscious, do they start to lose their self confidence.

This is the age where fashion starts to matter, how they look starts to matter and they become more sensitive to what other people say or think.

Some start to get bullied, embarrassed, humiliated, shamed or teased which cause them to feel more insecure and withdrawn.

As the social pressures start too mount and they begin to lose their freedom. They begin to lose their natural ability to live in the now and their ego starts to smother and suffocate their natural authentic self.

With this in mind and depending on how old your children are.

It might be a case of just guiding the very young children not to fall into the trap that most of us parents fell into, taking themselves and life to seriously.

Because. All young children care about is having fun, more fun and even more fun. 

A young child, knows no shame or embarrassment can easily enter a room full of other young children without any social fears, doubts, insecurities or worries.

Because all they have on their minds is to have fun and enjoyment.

Yet, many adults need a drink or two to socialize and mix, because they are crippled with fear and anxiety and they have lost their natural self confidence.

Adults think about the worst case scenario all the time whilst young children live in the moment.

Ironically, it is not to we get a lot older do we start to care less and we begin to lose our inhibitions again.

I think we should all be a bit more like were when we very young children or how we will be when we get into our later years.

Getting your children to participate in physical activities

All children and adults need plenty of physical movement to strengthen their muscles and to keep them flexible.

These days there  is more and more advice coming out about the health risks of spending too much time sitting down or be under-active,

Keeping your children active and getting them more involved in sport and other physical activities will help keep them fit and flexible. 

Some of the more traditional activities such as reading are great way to broaden their mind and educate them.

Painting, art and taking part in other creative activities can really benefit your children in the long run.

If your child is showing signs of being shy or timid. It may because they feel rejected or it could be a sign that your child is introverted.

If this is the case. Then try to avoid calling them shy your quiet as this will become their self image.

Shy and quiet children need a bit of extra support and encouragement. 

Try to make sure that you communicate with them as much as you can and encourage them to talk and speak up more.

Make sure you do not ignore them when you're in company and keep encouraging them to join in with the conversation.

Teaching your children the importance of their mind body connection

Our mind and body is a complex and beautifully designed system. When they are both in alignment, and they're working at their most balanced and efficient best, they are the greatest tools we have, to lead us to a healthy, happy and more confident self. 

Regular exercise and physical movement are important for good wellness and well-being, as are enjoying yourself and engaging in the now.

If you observe young children, you'll see them display this all the time. Because, young children are active, happy and their always playing and having good fun. 

Which helps them to develop strong muscles as well as enhancing the mind body connection, which is vital for happiness, good well-being and good wellness.

Young children have one aim, to have as much fun as possible and they don't have a care, worry or problem in the world, until they start to enter the more stressful and problematic, grown up world.

As our children grow up and they begin to become more self aware of themselves and they find themselves having to start to interact and conform with society. 

They start to face more stresses, worries, problems and challenges and if you're children do not possess the skills and tools to process their feelings and emotions. 

Then those negative experiences that they have, will become a bad memory for them, which can knock their self confidence and have a negative effect on them, for the rest of their lives.

Teaching your children how to manage and process their feelings and emotions can be the difference between them growing up to be a happy, successful and confident person or someone who lives a life of stress, struggle and emotional suffering.

Children need to be free of stress, worry, anxiety and too much stimulation and it is a great idea to teach them relaxation techniques such as:

  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation 
  • Emotional release, techniques

When young children start to experience stress, worry and anxiety, they are left confused and they have no idea, what to do.

Having these emotional releasing and relaxation tools, can greatly help your kids to bring about dramatic changes and deep states of relaxation, they can also help with accelerated learning.

Transcendental meditation conducted on a group of children, helped to increase the test results in children, in some of the worst performing schools. 

It is a great idea to teach your kids how to meditate as it can make your children happier and less anxious and stressed.

Other benefits of teaching your kids how to meditate meditation are, it can help them to relax and increase their confidence, it can also make them smarter and it can also highly benefit, the parents.

If you're children have suffered with any psychological conditions, such as shyness, depression or anxiety, then this can affect their physiology and cause their posture to shorten in stature.

Shyness can also affect their posture and cause them to shrink in stature. It has long be known about the mind and body link, and our posture has a direct affect on our mood and confidence.

These days, more and more children are using handheld electrical devices and video games, that can over stimulated them or cause them to slouch or bend their heads down or too far forwards.

Although, it is good to advise your children to sit up properly, becareful not to make them sit up too straight as this can cause their muscles to stiffen, which is equally as bad as slouching.

If your children are sitting poorly. Get them to watch the video below.



Two things that are guaranteed to lower your children's self confidence, are too much worry and anxiety and low self esteem.

Below are two excellent audio's that can help your children to reduce their general anxiety and build their self esteem, making them more happy and confident children.

Feed your children's mind with positivity

A great way for you to raise happy, confident and successful kids is to explain to them the importance of using positive inner self talk.

If they are feeling worried, anxious or emotionally overwhelmed, encourage them to say positive words and statements of self encouragement and reassurance, to themselves about themselves.

Simple self statements and instructions like:

  • I can do it
  • I can handle it
  • I can cope
  • Whatever happens, I'll be OK
  • Everything will workout fine 
  • All is well and everything is getting better and better

Can help to reduce anxiety and worry and install self confidence and self assurance, because it is incredibly important to fill your child's mind with plenty of positivity.

A good idea is to put positive quotes and posters in their rooms or write in bold words on their mirrors or on a poster or you can make or buy them some positive affirmation cards, like:

  • I know that I am good enough
  • I know that I am smart enough
  • I know that I am attractive enough
  • I am happy and creative
  • I like myself
  • I am good at ........
  • I am worthy and worth knowing
  • I am confident  
  • I am important
  • I am loveable
  • I am amazing
  • I am courageous
  • I am safe and loved
  • I am creative
  • I am happy
  • I am brave
  • I can solve problems
  • I like to try new things
  • I get better with practice
  • I always learn something positive from my mistakes

Encourage your children to ask for help, when they need it and tell them that learning and getting better at something can take time and effort.

Another important lesson for them to learn is; it is far better to aim to progressively get better at something, rather than striving for perfection. 

When children are being told off or they're being told that they should do or not do something.

Their parents will often affirm word or statements to their children in a dominant and powerful tone of voice. 

You can use these technique to their advantage as well, so anytime they do something good or you want to build their confidence or give them some words of encouragement.

Strongly affirm something positive to them.

It is also a good idea to get your children to say some positive affirmations to themselves each morning, again get them to repeat some positive affirmations in loud and strong voice to themselves.

Young children already know they are worthy, valuable and good enough, the problem starts when others, tell them different.

Therefore, young children do not judge themselves nor do they see themselves as:

  • Unworthy
  • Not good enough
  • Not smart enough
  • Not capable enough
  • They do not doubt themselves
  • They only know two fears, which are the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling
  • They have bags of self belief and self enthusiasm
  • They focus on the now
  • They have no insecurities

All of which are the perfect ingredients for high levels of self confidence

So you have to ask yourself the question.

Do very young children need to be taught how to be self confident and self assured or is it something they lose as they enter our grown up way of living, thinking and being?

Another thing is:

Young children do not appreciate being told that they are inappropriate or they're not smart enough, capable enough or good enough or anything else negative or self limiting.

Because young children have a carefree attitude and they all have a deep and powerful knowing and understanding that they are already:

  • Valuable
  • Smart enough
  • Worthy enough
  • Good enough
  • Capable enough
  • Attractive

Children need to be encouraged, they need to learn, grow and be educated, but they do not need changing or made to think they need to improve.

Because very young children are perfect the way, they are born perfect and fully equipped and they are and they need to be kept that way.

Because, these days society programming, conditioning and standards are restricting their freedom, their abilities as well as robbing them of their creativity, self esteem and self worth.

So if you want to help your children build their self confidence:

  • Encourage them
  • Let them be themselves
  • Let them daydream and create their future
  • Let them follow their desires
  • Support them
  • Praise them
  • Acknowledge their self worth and self value
  • Show them plenty of love and appreciation
  • Make them feel special
  • Applaud them when it is justified
  • Point them in a positive direction
  • Listen and try to understand them
  • Be proud of them
  • Learn them to love and appreciate themselves
  • Sometimes as parents we can try to hold them back, mould them into us or what we perceive they should be or force our beliefs onto them

If we are not careful we can also pass on our own fears, worries, limiting beliefs and insecurities, just like our parents may have done to us.

In a way, we as parents should learn the lessons from our children.

Try not to criticise them or put them down.

Although it is important to encourage them to have a laugh and a joke.

Be careful what you say to your children because one person's teasing can be another person's bullying.

Teach your children to love and accept themselves

Encourage your children to like themselves, unconditionally

“When children are treated with acceptance, they develop self acceptance.”

- Stephanie Matson

Teaching your children the art of acceptance, is one of the best life skills that you can give to them.

As your children grow up and then move into their teen years. They can become more and more self aware and body conscious about themselves.

If they do not accept and appreciate themselves for whom they are. Then they will be heading for a life of emotional trauma, low self esteem, low self worth and stress.

It is also advisable to teach your children how to be calm and assertive. So they can face and overcome the many challenges that lay ahead of them.

Encourage your children to eat healthily and keep fit and active but also remind them how great they look.

Children should also be allowed to express the thoughts and opinions. They should also be allowed to stand up for their rights, in a calm but assertive manner.

When were talking about teaching your children to be assertive. This does not mean making them boastful, offensive or arrogant.

It is all about helping them to face their fears and handling challenging situations with a calm and assertive energy.

As long as you know your child is safe. Then they need to be encouraged to stand up for their rights when it is called for.

Let them know that no one has the right to:

  • Make them feel guilty
  • Physically or verbally abuse them
  • Treat them bad
  • Be nasty to them
  • Make them look foolish

For the sake of your child's well-being. You should talk and listen to them and offer them help and encouragement if they need it.

Encourage them to be decisive and teach them about decision making.

If they have a worry or issue. Never tell them to stop being silly or you have not got time to sit down and listen or talk to them.

If your child suddenly changes their mind, do not get angry with them as they have the same rights as adults.

When things go wrong. Try not to rush in and start shouting or blaming them for what they have done wrong. Try to come up with a more diplomatic solution.

Try not to argue in front of your children. Because if there are relationship issues or even separations.

Very often the children will blame themselves, even if it is not their fault.

There is a lot of pressure put on children to learn, study and know everything, especially at school or even by some parents.

And although education is important. Children need to be encouraged to learn and study without any pressure put on them.

Children should not be judged by their ability to obtain certain grades.

Yes, everybody wants their children to get good grades.

But these days, there is way to much pressure put on children to get high grades.

Again, learning can and should be made fun. Ironically, without all the stress and worry.

Because, without the stress and pressure, your children will have a much better chances of passing their exams.

A child does not know or understand everything.

Therefore. Try not to judge or mold your children by your standards or beliefs.

Bringing the best out of your children

Some children might have more creative abilities than academic ones. If this is the case then they should be encouraged to make the most of their creative talents.

If your child does not know something. Encourage them to do some researching into the subject.

Learning them to be appreciative and thankful will also do wonders for your children.

Get them to be thankful or grateful for five things every morning. Because when we are grateful we cannot be anxious or unhappy.

Let your children know, It is OK to make mistakes

Another important life lesson is to reassure them and let them know that it is OK to make a mistake or get things wrong.

If it happens.

Let your child know that it is perfectly fine to make a mistake and teach them how to use their mistakes and failures to learn how to grow and do things better the next time.

A child who fears uncertainty or fears making a mistake will learn to play it safe which will severely limit the child.

Tell them that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes at times.

If they get something wrong, learn them that it is not the end of the world and it is no big deal.

Let them know it is OK to get things wrong and it is OK if they do not understand something.

Encourage them to ask questions, speak up or research the answers about the things they don't understand or they things they get wrong.

Tell them it is better to try, even if they get it wrong rather than to remain quiet or not attempt something because they're worried about making a mistake or getting it wrong.

When they have to face a challenging situation.

Get them to ask themselves.

"What is the worst thing that can happen and when it is all over, I will be fine and everything will be OK"

Teach them to always face a challenging situation with a positive self statement such as:

  • I can do it
  • I can cope
  • I can handle it
  • I can figure it out
  • I have the ability to 
  • It is easy for me to
  • Whatever happens, I'll be OK
  • I get better with practice
  • I can learn anything
  • I am doing my best
  • If things don't workout right away, I keep on trying
Learn them the importance of using positive and encouraging self talk

Some children are better mixers than others, some are more outgoing, some maybe more popular and some have more friends than other children.

Children can start to become sensitive and they can feel as if there is something wrong with them if they have fewer friends or if they are a little bit shy or introverted.

It can be a good idea to reassure your children that there is nothing wrong with having less friends than some of the other children or if they do not mix as well.

Try not to give them defining shy or quiet labels. If they are a bit shy or timid.

Give them plenty of encouragement and spend a bit of extra time trying to get them to be more sociable and outgoing.

Let them know it is OK to be introverted as long as they're thinking, only good feeling thoughts.

It can be a good idea to reassure your children that there is nothing wrong with having less friends, otherwise they might grow up feeling inferior or feeling easily intimidated.

Let your children be themselves, because it is important that your children know that it is best to just be themselves.

Tell them that they have not got to prove themselves to anybody neither do they have to try a be like others or pretend to be something that they're not.

If they feel that they have to try and prove themselves to others or if they think that there is something wrong with them or they are not good enough.

Then this will start to erode their self confidence.

It can be a good idea to reassure your children that there is nothing wrong with having less friends, otherwise they might grow up feeling inferior or feeling easily intimidated.

Although it is fine to encourage your children to learn and be the best version of themselves.

Try not to push them too hard.

If you can make your child feel as if they have won.

Yet you still get them to do what you want, then it's a win, win situation.

Children respond much better to praise, rewards, positive outcomes and encouragement, than they do to harsh words or criticism, scare mongering and negativity.

Be careful not to use fear tactics to try and force your children to study or get high grades.

Learning your children the art of social skills will give them huge advantages in their school years.

For some children. School can seem like a scary and challenging environment.

This is why it is important that they start school with as many social skills as possible.

Helping your children with their communication and social skills will help them tremendously with their self confidence.

Paving the way before they start school will help them to meet and mix with new children better and more easily.

Starting them in pre-school or getting them involved with play activities with other young children can be of a great benefit to young children's self confidence.

Have them practice reading out in front of others will help to prevent them developing any fears or anxieties and encourage them to ask questions or volunteer to answer questions.

Otherwise it is easy for a child to develop social anxieties.

Doing a bit of early role playing with you or other young children.

Like learning them to initiate and sustain conversations.

Ask yourself.

What do you think would have helped you?

Then teach your child the social skills that you felt you needed when you were growing up.

The more you can make them more outgoing or feel comfortable in all different types of social situations that they will have to face when they start school and advance through school, the better.

Another thing that you can help them with is to be a good listener.

If your child gets angry or frustrated when they are trying to learn new skills.

Tell them that getting angry won't help them.

Teach them to just take a pause, chillout and then try again when they are feeling more calmer.

Let them know that they will do things much better and much easier when they're feeling calm.

If you're child is struggling to master something new. Let them no that practice, persistence and repetition is the way forwards.

Another good skill to learn your children is to try and see the other person point of view.

Because although it is important for them to have their own opinions and points of view. Sometimes trying to workout a compromise is also a good solution, which keeps everybody happy.

Taking the pressure off your children

It is only natural for the parents to want the best for their children and to want them to excel at school and get a good career.

But, sometimes as parents we can put to much pressure on our children to live up to our high expectations or our beliefs, wants for our children and standards we set for ourselves.

What you have to becareful of is:

Some children can go through a large part of their life always wanting to please or make their parents feel proud of them or spending all the time trying to live up to the expectations and wishes of their parents.

The truth is. You should always feel proud of your children regardless of the path they choose or the way they decide to live their life. (Within reason)

Encourage them to strive to be the best and whatever career or life path, they choose to pursue.


Encourage your children to use their imagination positively and creatively

Do not discourage them from daydreaming, positive daydreaming should be encouraged yet many teachers and parents tell them off for doing it.

This is beneficial in developing the child's creativity. They need to know that they can use their imagination to rehearse forthcoming challenging events or social situations going well.

Tell them to imagine they have already successfully done what they want to achieve and in their imagination, everything should always go well, this will make them more confident and they will handle the difficult situation better when the time comes around.

They also need teaching that when they misuse their imagination to see things going wrong it will make them feel bad and they can ignore their imagination if they want at times when it is making them feel bad.

Creating a happy family environment

One of the first steps to building children's confidence is to create a happy and stable, loving family environment, because it is important to build a family environment, where your children feel happy and comfortable.

Children come into this world with a blank slate, they are capable of great things and they have unlimited potential and talents.

Children need plenty of encouragement to help them focus on their strengths and talent, but very often society knocks all that is good, out of our children.

Children also pick up and mimic their parents and siblings, behavior, beliefs and energy, therefore it is important to try and create a happy and loving environment.

If the child's parents are happy, positive and optimistic, and they are brought up in a calm and peaceful environment, then the child can pick up and match this positive and worry free energy.

Be careful about the beliefs that you give your children, as the wrong negative beliefs can have a negative impact on your child for the rest of their lives.

Lead by example:

Young children can be very demanding in their quest to get what they want.

Some parents will give into their children, just to keep them quiet or stop them from pressuring them.

The trouble is the more you keep giving into your children the more they will come to learn that all they have to do is to keep on demanding and playing up to get what they want.

If their demands are unreasonable, learn to say no and stick to your decision.

The better role model you are as a parent. The more it will rub off on your children.

Building their self esteem

A child's self image and their self esteem levels, which are the backbone for their confidence are shaped by their their early childhood experiences.

Their self image is shaped by the beliefs they have learned and the perceptions they had installed into them in their formative years by their parents, teachers and society.

This is why it is a good idea to fill your children with positive beliefs that are going to help and support them, because it is very easy to pass on our own outdated and limiting beliefs to our children.

When a child forms a negative and poor self image of themselves it can lead to low self esteem which can and probably will go on to lead to future times of suffering with anxiety, depression and self imposed limitations.

Get it right though in the early years and your children will almost certainly have a much better chance to go on to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Young children are totally dependent on their parents in the early years, they listen to, and absorb their parents every word.

At this stage of their development they need all the help, love and encouragement they can get.

Be cautious but not too over protective

Although your child's safety should come first, they need to know what's dangerous and what is not, because sometimes as parents we can be a little bit overprotective.

There is a difference between being cautious and sensible and being over protective. Children need to learn to fend for themselves to a degree as long as there is no risk to the child safety, they should also be praised for being brave.

Children tend to model their parents behaviors and personalities.

So if you are confident and happy in their presence, then this will rub off on them, they also pick up on their parents' worries, bad habits and fears so, try and be careful not to pass on your fears to your children.

Children mimic their parents, try and act confident and happy in front of them, try not to reveal any of your own insecurities and fears in their presence.

For instance, if a mother screams at a spider the child will associate the spider with danger and inherit the fear of it, the same applies to any other fear.

When children are taught and encouraged to grow up to be a confident person who has an optimistic and positive mental attitude then they will go on to live a much more enjoyable and rewarding life.

They will excel more in every area of their life, they will have the inner resources to handle all of life's challenges better which inevitably they will have to face along their way through their journey of life.

The under confident child and the confident child

A child who is shy and lacks confidence will turn out to be more introverted, they will find it harder to communicate, this can lead to becoming more self conscious of themselves.

They may struggle to perform new tasks and avoid volunteering for some activities. The shy child will feel more insecure which can manifest itself into many fears and anxieties.

Low confidence in children will cause them to have a lack of self belief in themselves, this can restrict them in many ways including, meeting and talking to the opposite sex, shying away from going for promotions at work.

It can also cause them to play safe in life, they may lack social skills and only say what they have to in social gatherings, some shy teenagers will go on to use alcohol as a substitute for confidence.

They can also fear being the center of attention which can lead to social anxiety related issues.

On the flip side the confident child will go on to enjoy all the splendors of life. Their self confidence in themselves will make them more bold, courageous and assertive, they will be more extrovert and outgoing, they will be more successful both career wise and socially.

They will have better communication skills which is a huge advantage, confident children become confident adults, this will make them more positive and optimistic, they will mix better and find it easier to approach and interact with the opposite sex.

They will perform better at everything they do or attempt and generally they will be more successful in all departments, the confident child will go on to be the winner in life.

A child who is confident will find it easier to try new things and make friends easier.

Limit your children on digital devices

These days, more and more children are living sedentary lives, spending a lot of time gaming or using electrical devices.

It is good idea to limit the amount of time you allow your children on computer gaming or electrical devices.

As this can cause them things like slouching and text neck, plus it is not good for your child to spend to much time sitting down.

If your child plays video gaming devices.

Then, make sure they have plenty of breaks and make sure they drink enough water. Because it is very easy for a child to forget, as they get to engrossed in what they're doing.

Playing video games for long periods is not good for your child's health.

Because they are being constantly bombarded by action pact graphic images and sounds.

What this means is.

The child's nervous system will respond to the sounds and moving images on the screen, with symptoms of stress and the constant release of adrenaline.

This is not a good combination, especially as the child is remaining still, so they are not even burning off that excess energy.

One way to take advantage of technology is to get them a computer subliminal messaging software.

This can be put on whilst they're on their computers and because it is unobtrusive and they don't need to do anything it won't bother them.

Encourage your children to engage more in outdoor and physical activities.

Reading, painting, art and taking part in other creative activities can really benefit your children in the long run.

Learn them not to care what to much about what other people say or think about them.

It is also important to learn them how to take a joke and not to take themselves too serious, encourage them to be positive and optimistic.

Building a child's confidence requires a combination of many different things, including the way they think, positive self talk and the actions they take.

Another thing to watchout if you have young boys is:

These days there is more and more explicit sexual content available on the internet.

Recently. I was listening to a doctor on the radio who was saying that she was getting more and more teenage boys coming to her with, erectile dysfunctions.

According to the doctor.

When young boys watch these sexually explicit, moving videos.

They can hardwire their brains and body to respond to the video's.

A normal teenager. Would naturally learn to respond to a girl, through the use of all of their senses.

  • Sight
  • Touch/feel
  • Smell
  • Taste
  • Sound
  • The importance of positive self talk

Your children need to be taught how to say positive and good things about themselves, they need to know that when they are nice to themselves they will feel better and they will become more successful.

Teach them that their thinking can play a huge part in how well they do things and what they become.

Let them though that their brain listens and responds accordingly to everything they say, even if it is said in jest so they should only think or say good things about themselves.

Get them to tell themselves things like, how awesome they are, how worthy and capable they are, how good, they are at the things they do, how great their future is going to be.

They also need guiding that when they say bad things about themselves or when they think about negative things it will make them feel bad,

Get them into the habit of praising themselves and tell them to avoid criticizing themselves or being hard on themselves. Also encourage them to use their imagination in a fun and positive way.

Actions and activities

Although learning them to think positive and seeing themselves confident is an important confidence and self esteem boosting tool it is only part of it.

Positive thinking should be backed up by taking actions, encourage them to join in activities and inform them they should never be afraid to attempt new challenges because taking positive action steps is fundamental for their personal growth.

Getting them to take part in social activities is an excellent way to improve their social skills and development.

They need to know that if they feel a bit nervous or anxious that's OK, so they should still go ahead and do the things they want, because we all learn from and we are all affected from our experiences both good and bad.

This is why they should be made aware, that it is better to try even if it does not go well the first time than it is not to try at all.

Let them know it's alright to make a mistake or show themselves up, but it it not good to beat themselves up over a bad experience after it has happened, learn them to let things go and to move on.

Enrolling your child in acting and drama classes can be of great help because it will prevent them becoming afraid of being in the spotlight.

It will also make them better communicators and help them to be more confident speaking in front of a group of people. Joining a martial arts class can also do wonders for their self confidence.

Adapting to school life can be a big step for children

Listen to their fears and concerns and talk to them, always be understanding and give them plenty of advice and support, no matter how trivial their problems may seem to you, because what seems trivial to an adult may go on to be a major ordeal to child.

Some of the key time in children's lives is when they leave their parents for the first time and start primary school, starting secondary school and starting employment for the first time.

It can be a good idea to start them off at nursery school as soon as possible to learn them how to interact with other children, it will also get them used to being separated from being too dependent on their parents.

Starting primary school can be a traumatic time for some children, they are thrust from the security of their mother into a whole new and sometimes scary environment.

So the more help and support you can give them the better, this is a time when children's self-confidence is of utmost importance.

Changing and moving to secondary school can also be daunting for some children, especially if they are shy or young for the year, they have gone from being settled at primary school and are the oldest in their year with many friends only to have to start again from scratch.

They go back to being the youngest in the school and they have to mix with some children who have almost reached adolescence The maturity and physical gap between year 6 and year 11 is enormous.

According to research it is best not to be too pushy by involving them in too many activities like swimming, dancing, sports etc.

Because although it is important to learn them to swim and take part in sports some experts believe that overdoing the amount of activities and not spending enough time interacting and playing with other children can stifle children's confidence, imagination and independence.

Correct your children but do not criticize them

Try not to criticize your child, this does not mean being firm with them when necessary, but it is much more beneficial to correct your child rather than overly criticize them.

Children can be very sensitive and can absorb all the criticism, also parents need to lead by example and avoid being self-critical of themselves in front of their children.

When an adult is towering over a child and criticizing or continually shouting at them it can be daunting and frightening to that child, to a young child it can seem like facing an angry giant.

Also try not to shame or embarrass them in front of others or put them down as this can dent their confidence and self-esteem, and sometimes just because we are having a bad day we tend to take it out on are children.

Talk to them about their problems then they will start to listen and sometimes they are crying out for help and guidance, but they can feel embarrassed or they do not know how to ask for help and they feel that their issues are silly.

It is all too easy to become frustrated with your child because they are not living up to your expectations or they are having difficulties learning.

Having patients and giving your children some love whilst at the same time finding time to show some interest with their hobbies can be a great way of bonding, and children love to feel wanted.

If you have more than one child try not to show any favoritism or pay too much attention to one more than the others, many a times the older child can feel neglected and unwanted when all the attention is put on to the younger child.

Allow some time with your kids because they don't understand if you feel tired, try and be patient with them because their world is different to ours.

Encourage your children to join in with the conversation, especially when in the company of other adults otherwise they can easily feel left out of things.

Why children can Lose their confidence

Children lose their confidence through a numerous of reasons, this can be from low self-esteem because they may have been teased for how they look, being bullied, embarrassed, shown up, or isolated at school or by their friends.

Low confidence in children can be from a lack of support and help in their early years or from constant criticism and being put down. One of the biggest fears stems from public humiliation or rejection.

The pressures sometimes thrust on children to pass exams can cause unneeded anxiety and stress, rejection and not feeling loved or belonging to close network of friends can also take its toll on them. Being teased mercilessly by older brothers, sisters or other children can lower their confidence.

Feeling they are not worthy or good enough can lower their self esteem, if they believe something is wrong with their bodies or looks this can chip away at the confidence levels.

To build children's self-confidence it is important to teach them the right thinking skills.




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