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How Do I Stop Feeling Insecure In My Relationship?

Insecurity Kills Relationships-How You Can Prevent It From Happening To You

If you want to experience a long, loving, enjoyable and happy relationship, then it is extremely important that you overcome your relationship insecurities.

Relationships matter to us as they can provide us with so much joy, pleasure, happiness and companionship.

If you're relationship is good and you create a happy and peaceful, loving atmosphere then they are very good for your wellness and emotional wellbeing.

If you have a good relationship then it is madness to allow your insecurities to come between you both and ruin your perfectly happy relationship.

The truth is, relationship insecurities can kill a good and happy relationship, sabotaging you enjoyment together.

All those negative thoughts, worries and doubts can consume your daily thought processes, making you feel unhappy, fearful and stressed on the inside.

Our negative thoughts, beliefs and imaginings do not always represent the truth yet we still believe them and accept them as being true.

What's even worse. The negative emotions that are driving your negative and insecure thought patterns.

Can control your actions and behaviors which can force you to constantly seek reassurance from your partner or even cause you to check and question their every move.

Will create problems and fears within their minds even if in reality, there are probably no real problems or concerns for you to worry or fret about.

These intense negative thoughts, feelings and emotions, can gather momentum and turn what is and should be a happy and amazing relationship experiences.

Into scary prospect and and unhappy relationship that can end up in separation, hurt and misery.

Relationship insecurities can transform you into a negative, scary and dark place where youcease being yourself and being happy.

Merely because you fear that you might lose somebody that you love and even though it is your intention to enjoy and make the most of your relationship.

Surely it is better for you to accept that you might lose your partner rather than risk losing yourself and your right to feel happy and at peace.

The chances are, your insecurities will usually stem way further back than your current relationship.

People who are insecure and anxious are really searching for a better feeling that will replace their normal feelings of insecurity, anger, frustration, uncertainty, worry and anxiety.

The kind of feelings that insecure people are usually really looking for, are:

  • A feeling of happiness
  • A feeling of being desired
  • A feeling of being appreciated
  • A feeling of being loved
  • A feeling of being connected
  • A feeling of security
  • A feeling of inner peace within
  • A feeling of fulfillment and purpose
  • A feeling of joy

Everybody craves deeply for these positive and good feelings.

But most people are searching for them in all the wrong places or they are totally dependant on their partners to make them feel secure, calm and happy.

The places people seek out these good feelings and emotions are through:

  • Romance and romantic relationships
  • Going out or going on holidays
  • Having material possessions 
  • Being constantly reassured 
  • Being showered with love and paid lots of attention by their partners
  • Needing the approval and validation of others

What can make you feel even worse is when you need and depend too much on:

  • The reassurance from your partner or others
  • The validation from others
  • The approval of others
  • The actions and behaviors of others
  • The words and opinions of others

To make you feel secure, happy and good about yourselves and your future.

The trouble is, this is going about things totally the wrong way around and by doing this you will struggle to have what you really desire the most.

When you have to depend on your partner or external things and situations to provide you with security and all those positive and good feelings that you're seeking externally.

Then you will always have to depend on the opinions, reassurance, the security and expression of feelings of your partner.

To help you to feel secure, certain, relaxed and happy about yourself, but when you feel happy and at peace with yourself within then your life will start to change for the better on the outside.

If you have been carrying a lot of emotional baggage around with you or if you have not healed and released your own negative feelings, thoughts and insecurities.

Then they will keep on resurfacing and they will destroy your happiness and peace of mind and there is a chance that they will ruin your relationship.

What causes relationship insecurities?

Some of the things that can fuel your relationship insecurities can be, you don't feel:

  • Worthy enough
  • Good enough
  • Deserving enough
  • Maybe you not not feel attractive enough
  • Capable enough
  • You are not happy within
  • You have body conscious issues

Other factors that can leave you feeling insecure are;

  • You don't think you could cope or be happy without your partner
  • Your partner is behaving suspicious or differently
  • You think that they have gone off you
  • You think that they are spending too much time with their friends
  • You think that they are too good for you
  • You have had a previous bad or upsetting relationship experience
  • You have low self-esteem/you don't like yourself enough

When you totally relying on your partner or you're always searching for something material or external to make you feel happy, secure and calm.

Doesn't exist externally and you can never find what you're truly searching for on the outside until you feel great and at peace on the inside.

Sometimes, things can seem perfect on the outside and you may have a fantastic, caring and loving partner who really does love and appreciate you.

But it will mean absolutely nothing to you if you're suffering with low self esteem, insecurity, emotional overwhelm and fear on the inside.

You may even have what appears to be a good life with a nice home, family and career, too others you may seem to be happy, confident and lucky.

But on the inside, if you feel:

  • Unhappy
  • Not good enough
  • Scared
  • Desperate
  • Full of self doubt 
  • insecure
  • Anxious
  • Isolated and alone
  • You do not like yourself or how you look

Then none of the physical things, situations and possessions will matter one little bit.

Because although things can look fine from the outside, you can be emotionally suffering, afraid and broken on the inside.

Because you can feel alone, insecure, unhappy and scared. Even if you have a perfect life and relationship and unless you heal and fix your relationship insecurities.

The secret to a better feeling and happier you and a having a great and loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.

Is all about you becoming aware of the negative patterns and thought process that are eating you up and damaging you on the inside and destroying your relationship on the outside.

Because once you become aware of them, you can then work on treating and replacing them with better feeling thoughts about you, your relationship and your life.

We all have negative and scary thoughts and feelings and it is OK to have them and when they do arise it is important to experience these thoughts and feelings.

But it is extremely important that you know how to release your negativity, fears and insecurities.

So you can quickly return back to those calm and blissful happy feelings again which will allow you to enjoy and look forwards to the valuable and precious time you spend together.

How to stop low self-esteem and insecurity from destroying your relationship

The real reason why many relationships end is not all about their partners it also has a lot to do with you.

Yes there are some people who do treat their partners bad, but a lot of the time the reason why relationships fails is because of people's low-self esteem and their insecurities.

One of the biggest reasons people are insecure and needy in their relationship is because:

  • They don't feel loveable themselves
  • They don't like and love themselves enough
  • They don't feel deserving of love
  • They feel inferior or less than others

When you criticise yourself, you put yourself down, you don't love and accept yourself or you don't feel loveable.

Then you will look outwards towards your partner to help you feel loved.

At the start of your relationship the love will probably be flowing freely and this will satisfy your desire to that you're loved and you feel loveable.

But as your relationship progresses and all that love, attention and affection starts to slows down a bit, as it often does.

Then this can set the emotional alarm bells ringing, making you feel needy, insecure and  wanting to feel loved again.

These damaging and self destructive thoughts and feelings of not feeling loved or loveable can stem right back to your early childhood.

  • Maybe your parents were strict or they weren't very lovable
  • Maybe your were the apple of their eye, until your younger brother or sister came along
  • Maybe your parents argued a lot or one of them left which made you not feel loveable
  • Maybe you felt self-conscious about your body or yourself

Whatever the reasons, somewhere along the line you may have created a negative and untrue belief that you are not loveable or good enough.

If you feel insecure or you don't feel good enough or loveable enough.

Then all your energy will go onto feeling needy, insecure and seeking reassurance or you will try to prove to your partner or others that you're loveable.

This can cause you to look for external stuff to help to make you feel good like,

  • Hair cuts
  • Having or buying nice clothes
  • Losing-weight or working out
  • Makeup

Now there is nothing wrong with looking good and keeping yourself fit and healthy, in fact it can really benefit you in many ways.

But external things are not the solution to overcoming your relationships insecurities and you should not be doing them.

Because you're trying to impress your partner or you are trying to get them to love you or to maintain their love.

The real solution to overcome your relationship insecurities and to boost your self-esteem is not about your partner, it is all about you.

This has to start off by believing that you're loveable, worthy and good enough and you have to truly and unconditionally believe that you deserve to be loved.

Because if you want to attract love, be loved and maintain that love you have to feel loveable and you must love, like and accept yourself because that is the true path to real and long lasting love.

Once you believe that you're loveable and you love yourself unconditionally, the you will never lose that love and you will have a greater chance of receiving love back.

This is essential if your want to create a loving and happy atmosphere with your partner.

Instead of focusing on your insecurities and worrying about losing them.

Why not focus on enjoying their company and making the most of the time you spend together.

Unless you like and believe that you're loveable, worthy and deserving of love.

You will never truly accept or really believe that your partners words, actions, behaviors affections and expressions of love and sincerity, are valid or sincere.

You have the power of choice

Life isn't always easy and we all have our own shares of ups and downs, problems and difficulties, highs and lows to face, conquer and overcome.

Other people and life experiences, can temporarily upset you, annoy you, bring you down and cause you grief, stress, disspointent ment and sadness.

But you are strong enough, capable enough, resourceful enough and smart enough to overcome and grow better and stronger.

Only you can keep yourself down and permanently diminish and disempower yourself.

Only you can hold yourself stuck in a bad and dark feeling place and only you can make yourself constantly feel trapped, bad, scared, worried, unhappy, broken and defeated on the inside.

When you depend on others and your situations and circumstances to determine your happiness and state of being.

Then you will be handing over all of your power to those people, situations and life circumstances.

As a young child you relied on others to comfort you and make you feel good. But now you are an adult you possess all the power and responsibility to find those beautiful feelings and happiness, that you're searching for.

Real happiness, optimism and feeling calm is only a decision and choice away.

Equally you have the power to raise yourself up, empower yourself, conquer, overcome and restore an emotional and physical state of happiness, calm, optimism, positivity and an unbreakable mental strength. 

If you're no longer willing to put up with and take those bad feeling and self-destructive negative thoughts, feelings and insecurities which are bad for your wellbeing and your relationship.

If you have reached a bad and unhappy place and you have had enough of being ruled and dictated to be your thoughts, insecurities and worries.

If you're no longer prepared to carry on going down that scary, lonely and bad feeling route anymore.

Perhaps amongst all those negative feelings, there is a part of you that has a deep sense of knowing that things can be better and you can live the life you want.

If you feel you're ready for better then may be it is time to set yourself free and perhaps it's time for you to start feeling good, calm and happy within.

Where you start to connect to your true powers and you accept and surrender to what is bothering and start to listen to and follow your intuition and inner emotional guidance.

It is also time to bring out the very best version of you and create a better relationship and more positive, fulfilling, compelling and rewarding future and life for you and your partner.

If you're interested in overcoming your fears and insecurities so you can relax and have a great and happy life and relationship experience again.

The How To Overcome Insecurity In A Relationship

Can help you to free yourself from your insecurities and negative emotional baggage so you can find inner peace and enjoy yourself, your relationship and your life.

Bad memories and suppressed negative emotions

Some people may have some genuine reasons to feel insecure in their relationship, perhaps their partner is treating them bad or they appear to have lost interest.

But very often it is because you are harbouring some deeply rooted and ingrained negative insecurities, suppressed thoughts, buried emotions.

Or you have a collection of active emotional bad relationship memories and fears, that you have not have yet dealt with, processed and released.

Unless you treat and let go of your insecurities, then these self destructive negative thoughts and feelings will rule you and how you think, feel and behave, causing your relationship and yourself so much needless suffering and damage.

"Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity that they create the lies that we believe"

The very first step to stop feeling insecure in your relationship is to stop all your emotional arousal that is ruling you all your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviors.

Because your deep levels of insecurity are putting a huge strain on your relationship as well as inflicting a whole lot of misery on you and your partner.

For the sake of your own emotional wellbeing and for the sake of your future relationship happiness and longevity. It is incredibly important that you treat and eliminate your relationship insecurities.

The best way to kill all those strong negative feelings and emotions, is for you to totally accept that you may lose your partner and be OK with that and this means absolutely accepting that you could lose your partner.

Of course that is not what you want and it will be highly unlikely to happen, but by accepting it might happen and reassuring yourself that you will be able to cope and handle it if it does.

You will start to lose the fear of it happening which will help to defuse those strong and intense thoughts feelings and emotions.

Your goal is to try to save your relationship and make it better and by taking this first vital step you will increase your chances of making your relationship last.

Because once you restore a state of calm and inner peace, you will be able to think more clearly and logically and hopefully you won't make any rash decisions, actions or judgements that will risk destroying your relationship.

By far the best way to save your relationship and free yourself at the same time, is by learning how to overcome your relationship insecurities.

At the moment you are totally dependent on the constant reassurance from your partner or the need to know their every move.

The truth is, as long as you allow those deep down feelings and thoughts of isecurity to linger and do their damage, no amount of reassurance from your partner is going to satisfy your needs.

The reason for this is because, it does not matter how many people try to reassure or how much reassurance you seek yourself, unless you accept the worse case scenario and know you can cope with it, you'll never going to stop feeling insecure.

I could try and tell you, don't be silly, you have nothing to worry about; you have got a good relationship and everything will be great and you should count yourself lucky.

But, the truth is, for you and each and everyone of us, losing your partner can happen and nobody can ever have the certainty that they it won't.

The fear of losing somebody we love and let into our life, is not a very nice thought. But there is a possibility that they might leave you, they might change as the years progress or something could happen to them. 

Not a very nice, but it is a fact of life. It is certainly something that you don't want to dwell on, but it is something that you have to accept and be prepared to deal with.

Of course, you don't want to lose somebody who is so close to you and you don't have too. By removing your relationship insecurities, you will set yourself free from your emotional suffering and your relationship dependency.

By doing this you will also give yourself the greatest chance of making your relationship last a lifetime.

But you have to realize that it is all those thoughts and feelings of insecurity that pose one of the biggest threats to destroying your relationship. 

If you really want to give your relationship the best chance of surviving and flourishing so you go onto enjoy a long and loving, blissful relationship experience, you need to disempower all your insecure thoughts and feelings.

The way to start to achieve this is; even though you accept that you may lose them, let yourself know that you will be OK and you will manage and if it came to it, you know you will be able to cope well by yourself.

The funny things, is when you accept the worst case scenario and be OK with it, should it happen. You will take away all the stress, worry, anger and pressures of you and your relationship.

This will actually work in your favour as it will help you to feel calm and at peace again and by doing that you will instantly improve the quality of your relationship and make it a probability, that your relationship lasting a lifetime.

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Deal with the worse case scenario and expect the best 

After accepting your relationship could end one day, the next step is to convince yourself that you will survive and thrive on your own, again the goal is to make you feel happy and at peace and to make your relationship better.

It won't be easy at the start and it is going to hurt you for a while, but you are strong enough and resourceful enough to get through it and with time you will get better and better, should it happen.

Again, you want to enjoy a long and happy relationship and that is possible and highly probable, once you learn how to overcome your relationship insecurities.

But you're never going to feel secure if you keep telling yourself that you are totally dependant on somebody else for your security and happiness.

Now that we've covered all the worst case scenarios.

Here's the good news, you can feel happy, calm and secure and you can have a great and wonderful relationship, that last a lifetime.

Again, there are no guarantees in life, but if you take the attitude of:

"I am going to enjoy and make the most of every moment of my relationship";

Then there is a high chance that the moment will last a lifetime for you.

As the saying goes:

"Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect"

Value and respect yourself

Before you start to work on making your relationship great and creating a better relationship experience, which you fully deserve and you certainly can have.

It is incredibly important for you to develop a great relationship with yourself and this should involve learning how to value, love, accept and respect yourself, unconditionally. 

Because you are good enough, you are worthy enough and you do deserve to be loved and appreciated, by your partner and you.

What you may have overlooked is with all those thoughts and feelings of insecurity is:

If you think about it. There is a very good reason why your partner choose you in the first place and I am sure there are many good traits that he sees in you that you may not see in yourself.

One thing's for certain, I am sure they would love to have back that loving, nice and happy you, instead of the insecure and maybe, angry and frustrated you.

Because your insecurities are a lie. You may not be able to see all the good in yourself, but this does not mean that your partner doesn't still see all the good in you.

If you do not love and accept yourself, then other people will find it hard to love you back. Accepting and loving yourself, means accepting your flaws and imperfections.

As the famous quote says.

"If you don't like something change it and if you cannot change it, change the way you think about it"

Mary Engelbreit

Yes there are people who are maybe more successful than you, more richer, younger and even better looking, but your partner chose you, for exactly who you are.

Each new morning and before you go to bed at night. Stand in front of the mirror and say to yourself, ten times more.

  • I am good enough
  • I love and approve of myself
  • I like myself

Building your self esteem will help you to feel better about yourself and it will help you to feel more secure.

Self-esteem is a process that takes time and practice, there will be some days when you might have a setback or you might not feel it, but if you practice and persist then you and you and your life will get better. 

Your relationship should not be the means to your happiness, your happiness should be the means to a great relationship.

Learning to trust your partner

Unless you have concrete evidence that your partner is cheating on you or you know for certain that they have gone off you, learn to trust your partner and trust yourself.

Because, trust plays a massive role in the success of a relationship, this means trusting your partner and learning to have trust in yourself and your unique qualities.  

Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and once that trust has been broken it can be very hard to get back.

But trust is not always about your partner. 

Because, sometimes you have to learn to believe and value yourself and trust that everything always works out right if you get out of the way and you allow things to work out. 

Trust is vital if you want to end all your relationship insecurities, things that cause you to lose your trust are, being the victim of an affair and having a low opinion of yourself. 

Try not to get too jealous unless it is really warranted, especially if your partner talks, admires or looks at the opposite sex. 

Everybody talks to the opposite sex now and again.

Remember beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and they have chosen to be with you for a reason. 

You will have a developed a special bond between you and your partner, the moment you show your insecurities is the moment you will begin to chip away at that special bond.

It is far better to work on improving your relationship instead of trying to destroy all the good you already have. 

Some people who feel insecure in their relationships wrongly assume that their partners have lost interest in them especially if they spend a lot of time pursuing their interests or they are working long hours. 

Your partner and you should be allowed to enjoy doing their own things and being too possessive is a sign of insecurity.

Everybody should be entitled to do their own things and it does not necessarily mean they have lost interest in you, because you are both individual and you can both have separate interests, yet you can still have a healthy and loving relationship.

If you are still both together, then this suggests they are with you, because they want to be with you.

Because everybody has the power of choice and if they are still with you, no matter how bad you think things have become. They are still with you because they have chosen to be with you.

Ask yourself this question. If you had gone off somebody, would you stay with them?

Now that you know that, rejoice it and celebrate it. Because you want to start to get into the habit of focusing on the positive for a change.

Ask yourself, why would they choose to stay with you, when they have the choice to leave you?

There must be something good that they see in you, which they feel is worth staying for and it kind of clearly shows you that they still love and care about you and is't great knowing that they choose to be with you?

When we feel insecure and negative, we make assumptions, very often the wrong assumptions.

The truth is, there is always a better way of perceiving things and until you know different, try and assume that they still love and want to be with you. otherwise, don't you think that they would have already gone by now.

The only thing that will probably push them over the edge and spoil things for you is failing to resolve your relationship insecurities.

Can insecurity ruin a relationship?

When we are experiencing relationship insecurities or any other relationship issues, we tend to speak and act, on our emotions.

This kind of negative energy and attitude, will only make your situation more tense and put your relationship at risk.

On top of all the negative energy, we sometimes allow our ego and pride to cloud our judgement and rule our behavior and decision making.

It is very important to try, not to let your ego and pride to take over, because the last thing you want, is to turn this into a personal battle and fight, of:

  • Trying to prove a point
  • Getting your own way 
  • Who's fault it is
  • Who's right and wrong
  • Who should give in first 

Neither is it a good idea, to becoming from an inner place of emotional neediness, dependancy or insecurity.

As this is not very good for your future relationship or your own well being nor is it very attractive for your partner.

Overcoming your relationship insecurities, so you can build and enjoy a better relationship experiences, starts off with you and not your partner.

Yes, it takes two, to create a happy and loving relationship.

But if you really want to feel happy and at peace within, without feeling the need to be constantly reassured by your partner.

It is incredibly important that you 

Because, when you're insecure on the inside and you have to solely rely and depend on others for your own happiness, security and inner peace, you'll always be looking for  

Having the right energy and atmosphere is the critical ingredients for a happy and enjoyable relationship to be able to thrive, blossom and flourish.

The things that can prevent you from enjoying a beautiful and terrific relationships, are:

  • Your ego
  • Your emotional state
  • Your past negative relationship experiences
  • Your thoughts, attitude and perceptions

There is no doubt whatsoever, that insecurities in relationship, can destroy a perfectly good relationships and the statistics, back this up.

According to research. Insecurity is listed in the top ten reasons for why marriages and relationships end in divorce and separation and it is a well known fact that deep rooted insecurities, can ruin a relationship.

Cultivating your own inner peace and happiness and having the tools to treat your insecurities, is the first step to building a better and stronger relationship.

Because, if you're totally dependant and totally reliant on your partner, for your happiness and security, then you will always be checking up on them or feeling the need to be constantly reassured. 

The real magic only starts to happen externally, when you feel good about yourself and you feel happy and at peace, within.

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How to stop being insecure in your relationship

Insecurity, stress, fear and negative thoughts and emotions regarding you and your relationship, are toxic for you and toxic for your relationship.

Sometimes, surrendering, accepting and letting go of what is bothering or hurting you and just allowing life to happen, combined with a positive shift in your energy and thinking.

Can turn, all that uncertainty about your relationship and all that painful uncertainty about your future with your partner, that is driving, all the hurt, anger and suffering into a happy, peaceful you and a happy and peaceful. 

Most people tend to over analyse themselves to death or they over analyse their relationship issues and concerns to death.

This all or nothing type of thinking errors, causes them to only ever focus on the worst case scenario and then they assume that it is the only possible outcome, yet there is always better ways of perceiving a situation.

So instead of enjoying their relationship and making the most of the time they spend with their partner they give all their attention to what they don't want or what might go wrong, and as the old saying goes.

"In life, you tend to attract more of the things and situations, that you fear the most"

The ideal energy, that is required for a happy and loving relationship to thrive and flourish into a fantastic and amazing experience, is the positive emotions of love, calm and joy.

If you're coming from an internal place of fear, negativity and insecurity, then this is going to have a negative impact on you and you're relationship.

Think about this for a minute. If you were single and you joined a dating site.

Let's say, there were two identical twins, who caught your eye.

One described themselves as being happy, lovable and fun, who was positive, secure and they lived live to the full.

Whilst the other described themselves as being insecure, clingy, unhappy, anxious and negative.

Which one would you choose?

Things are not always as bad as you imagine?

Happy couples, have a deep sense of trust and connection.

Insecurity in a relationship can ruin, the essential requirements that are essential for a happy, fulfilling and lifelong relationship, which are love and a strong sense of connection and commitment.

If you feel that you have lost the love, the deep connection and the commitment or you feel as if your partner has gone off you or you are annoyed because, they're spending too much time doing other things.

Then, one of two things, might happen.

1) First case scenario

You might think, that you're relationship is doomed to breakup, you're stuck in a negative groove or you assume that the magic and spark has gone or you even think that your relationship won't work anymore.  

This could leave you to think along the lines of. Why should you bother or what is the point of you flogging a dead horse, when you know that your it is unlikely to work or get any better?

2) Second case scenario

The thought and fear of losing your partner and your security, especially if you really still love your partner.

Might make you feel like trying even harder or it may cause you to increase the intensity of your commitment.

If you trustfollow and go with your overactive imagination and your negative feelings. 

This can cause you to perceive your partner in a negative light, rather than a positive one, therefore instead of planning for some nice days and nights out or spending some cosy nights in together.

You mind and body will be full of resentment, anger, fear, frustration and disappointment.

Unless you address the real fundamental root causes of your relationship insecurities.

Then your relationship insecurities will keep on resurfacing, which can negatively affect you and your relationship and you will end up try extra hard or being extra committed, for all the wrong reasons.

Relationships are really important, and a good and happy relationship can give you loads of joy and pleasure, as well as boosting your health and well-being.

However, a bad relationship can cause you immense stress, hurt and suffering, and the really bad and deevious side of relationship insecurity, is.

It can make what was a happy relationship bad or it can trick you into thinking that your relationship is bad or doomed for failure from an inside perspective, when in reality, you have a perfectly good relationship.

Before you can be secure and happy, you have to feel secure and happy

If you suffer with relationship insecurities, then it won't matter how much you try and tell yourself not to feel insecure or how many times you are reassured by your partner or others.

Because if you don't really believe it or more importantly, you don't feel it.

Then no amount of reassurance will work, because it is your feelings, perceptions and emotions that drive your thoughts, actions and behaviors.

Therefore unless you change your feelings and perceptions, you won't really feel it or believe it.

The feelings and emotions that are driving your thoughts and feelings of insecurity and anxiety, are being triggered by your subconscious mind.

These thoughts and feelings of fear, worry, self sabotage and insecurity that you're having.

Because they're coming from your subconscious mind, this means they are automatic and they happen without you thinking about it.

Most of your insecure thoughts and feelings are based on your past negative relationship experiences and your negative emotional baggage and programming.

If you think about it, it makes sense.

Because, why would you want to think and feel insecure, when you know it is upsetting you and making you feel anxious and stressed.

The mistake most people ,make is they wait and rely on their partner or for their external circumstances and situations to get better, before they feel relaxed and happy.

The trouble is, when you depend or rely on others or your circumstances to change or get better, before you feel better yourself.

Then this means, you're going about things, completely the wrong way.

When you focus on feeling secure, calm and happy within. You will soon notice, that others will treat you better and your circumstances and your life will also, change for the better as well.

Overcome Your Relationship Insecurities 

Negative thoughts can lead to negative actions, habits and behaviors

A good and loving relationship is one of our most fundamental and basic human emotional needs and desires as they provide you with intimacy, a deep sense of connection, love and security. 

Therefore, it is perfectly natural to feel insecure. frustrated and anxious at times, it happens to everybody. 

The real problem starts when you magnify your insecurities and you allow them to dictate how you feel and control your actions and behaviors.

The fear of losing somebody you love, can cause you to act in the most desperate, of ways. 

For some people, their thoughts and feelings of insecurity can be so overwhelming and convincing, it might cause you to put all the blame on your partner.

If you allow your ego and pride to get in the way, you may think, that you are being perfectly reasonable or you've got everything under control.

You may also feel as you're right and you aren't really doing anything wrong. 

But, by constantly seeking reassurance, needing to know their every move or by trying to control them or wishing they were with you all the time to ease your insecurities.

Will be of little consolation to you, when you put so much pressure on your relationship.

Your partner reaches a breaking point where they cannot take anymore, and even though they still love you, they decide that they have cannot take anymore, and they end up leaving you.

Insecure, angry and negative thoughts will cause more emotional arousal, which will drive more negative and insecure thoughts.

These negative thoughts and feelings can feel so overwhelming, the can lead you to take negative and sometimes deeply regrettable actions and behaviors. 

Which can mess you up on the inside and seriously damage your relationship.

Of course, if you are feeling insecure or you're feeling angry or worried about something, then you need to address your issues and let it go. 

If you feel it is needed. Calmly, sit them down, and tell them how you feel, but come from a loving and caring place, rather than a feeling threatened place.

Because, if you bottle things up, just because you feel uncomfortable or uneasy to tell them how you feel, in case they react badly.

Then, this will eat away at you until you feel so complused and angry, you won't be able to hold back and because of all the emotionally arousal and energy, it will probably end up in a heated argument.

The positive benefits of feeling secure in a relationship

When you feel good and at peace, your relationship will improve and you partner will respond to your good feeling emotions in many warm and positive ways.

But it is not just your partner who will benefit tremendously when you let go of your insecurities, your own health and wellbeing will get better as well.

Because the quality of our relationships can influence every aspect of your wellbeing health and there is a lot of research to back up the claims, that reveal. 

Those who have good and happy relationships and those who form strong connections with their partners experience better health and they also tend to live longer and happier lives.

Having a good relationship with yourself and your partner will give you a significant and instant boost to your health, well-being and your quality of life.

Insecurity and negative on the other hand, are not very healthy for you or your relationship,  and it does not matter, whether you're already in a relationship or you're currently single and you're looking to find love.

Because, if you are an insecure person, then it is going to make it very hard for you to relax, feel at peace and enjoy all the positive benefits that a great relationship can provide you with.

What makes things even worse, is; your insecurities may not even be true or accurate, and they could be nothing more, than 

  • A figment of your overactive imagination 
  • A negative representation of your low self esteem 
  • A fear of your negative past happening to you all over again   

Therefore, as long as you're not being treated badly, you're going to benefit tremendously and you're relationship will be so much better, when you start to let go of your insecurities and you begin to perceive things and yourself in a new light.

Stop living in the emotional pain of your past

Most of our subconscious; social programming, social experiences and our fears, insecurities and our perceptions and beliefs 

Are formed from our previous experiences, our learned behaviors and beliefs. 

Or through observing the actions and behaviors of others, especially our partners.

All of these, then become our stored subconscious beliefs and programs, which control nearly all of our thinking, feelings actions and behaviors.

If your subconscious programs are negative. 

Then they will have a negative influence on how you feel, your behaviors and responses and the quality of your life, including your relationship.

The life that you're living now and how good or bad your relationships are or have been, are an expression and reflection, of your subconscious programs and beliefs.

If you're happy, you feel great, you have a great life and you have a great relationship.

Then this means, that you have positive, encouraging and supportive belief systems and subconscious programs.

Do not trust your imagination

Your body responds to your imagination which activates strong and intense negative feelings of emotional overwhelm, fear and anger.

The truth is, you cannot trust your imagination, because all your imagination will do is, it will try and fill in the blanks or create self destructive stories in your head, which aren't even accurate or true.

Try not to react or trust, your imagination and start to change those negative stories and disastrous outcomes into positive and more happier stories and outcomes.

Instead of imagining everything going wrong, imagine things going well and right.

Just have a strong faith, belief and knowing, that whatever happens. you'll be fine or you will figure things out.

No relationship is perfect

"Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect"

All relationships, have their ups and down and there will be times when you both disagree, fallout and argue and it is perfectly normal to feel a bit insecure, angry, anxious or frustrated at times.

During those difficult time in your relationship, it is important to consider your partner's point of view and for them to try and understand yours and it is important to quickly resolve or let go of any pending disagreements or person grievances.

Because although, we all might get mad, upset or angry with each other at times. 

Always remember that behind that anger there is still lots of love, behind those fears is a burning desires and with all the sadness and troubles, there is an opportunity to make your relationship better.

This may involve clearing and releasing all your past your past relationship bad memories or your current relationship issues so you can clear the slate of your mind make a brand new exciting start.

Because unresolved relationship insecurities can manifest and cause you to develop:

  • Bad thinking errors and negative use of your imagination 
  • Disastrous decisions and choices
  • Endless emotional suffering, frustration and stress
  • Self sabotaging bad habits, actions and behaviors 

How crazy is that, to allow your relationship insecurities or you past relationship bad memories to get the better of you and destroy your relationship and even push away the person that you love or prevent you from, finding a new love of your life.

The bad thing with your imagination, your insecurities, your anxiety and your negative emotions, are: 

They can feel so powerful and overwhelming and they can feel and seem so real and overpowering to you. 

Your body reacts to your imagination and those feelings can either overwhelm you or cause you to react in ways that will destroy your relationship.

These negative feelings can drive you to take all the wrong types of actions, decision and behaviors that are not going to help or support you.

Feelings can be so dominant and powerful, they can cause you to do or say things that can put a huge strain on your relationship, even if in reality, everything is perfectly fine.

Trust your intuition

Sometimes you may feel that you have genuine reasons to feel insecure, upset or annoyed. After all, you cannot escape the fact that some people behave badly to their partners.

However, a lot of the times, people destroy a perfectly happy and loving relationship because they trust their imagination and feelings, to much.

Other times your insecurities can stem from your past negative experiences, breakups or from you negative relationship beliefs, idea's and baggage

If your gut intuition is telling you that there is something really wrong. Then you may need to calmly sit down and talk with your partner and address your problems and concerns.

The thing to be aware of is:

Your intuition, usually gets it right, whilst your imagination just makes it up, fills in the blanks or it backs up your fears and anxieties, with just about every negative eventuality, that's possible.

Try not to always jump to conclusions, trust your imagination or assume something is wrong, because you can make the wrong assumptions or judgements.

Their could be many reasons why your partner, may not be giving you their full undivided attention or affection.

Some people are just shy, guarded or they're not very good at revealing their true inner feelings. they might even seem distant because they have their own personal problems that they are trying to deal with.

If you are feeling insecure, jealous angry or frustrated. Then it is really important thing to understand, you need to address and take control of your thoughts, feelings and insecurities.

So you don't self sabotage and destroy a perfectly good and loving relationship or if your single, you don't ruin your chances of finding true love and happiness in the future. 

Your own personal well-being and your relationships matters and with the added bonus of a good and happy relationships, it can do wonders for your health, self esteem and well-being.

To allow a relationship to blossom and flow, you first have to create a calm and positive energy and atmosphere so you can create a loving and happy relationship that you desire and deserve, just like things were, when you first started dating.

People who are insecure in their relationships are usually highly sensitive and emotional people and because of their emotional needs and insecurities.  

They often feel the need to be loved, constantly reassured and wanted or they heavily rely on others to make them feel safe, loved and secure.

Now there is nothing wrong with being affectionate and loving. As long as you don't depend on it to make you feel secure, loved and needed.

Or you don't overly rely on your partner to calm your emotions or to make you feel happy and secure. 

The funny thing is. When you're in a couldn't care less mindset and you're the master of your own thoughts, feelings and insecurities and you feel happy within.

Very often, your relationship will get better by itself and your partner will feel more loving and affectionate towards you without you even having to try too hard.

Letting go of your relationship fears, suffering and insecurities

If your feeling insecure in your relationship, then this is a strong indication that you're looking for love in all the wrong places. 

Because the best way to better your relationship is to love yourself and for you to find happiness and peace within yourself. 

Again, this comes down to accepting whatever you're worried about or what you think your partner is up too.

The key is not to make your happiness and feelings of inner peace a condition of anybody else, including your partner.

Because, your relationship will start to get much better, the moment you let go of your insecurities and you return to a happy and calm state, regardless of what your partner is up too or doing.

People rely too much on their partners to help them ease their worries and insecurities, but it is not all about your partner, because how you feel, within is the real key to a better relationship.

Feeling insecure or jealous means that something is being activated from within you, that is linked to an emotional awareness, such as: 

  • There is something that you feel you want, but you don't have 
  • You feel you're losing, what you desire the most
  • You feel as if your lacking something

This inner emotional awareness, is causing the activation of the awareness, of not having what you want or the fear of losing what you already have.

The reason why people are constantly seeking reassurance, is often being driven be an underlying fear, insecurity or anxiety. 

This makes them to constantly seek for reassurance or changes of behavior from their partner. 

The reason for this is. They feel if they can have that certainty they need or the perfect relationship or the perfect partner.

Then all the insecurities, problems and concerns will just melt away and disappear.

The problem is, when you focus on your relationship insecurities, then you will activate more of your relationship fears, concerns and insecurities.

This can then cause you to focus more, with strong and intense negative emotions, on the outcome that you fear or the situation that you don't want to happen.

Your insecurity is an inward sign and feeling that you want to be loved and you want everything to be, like it was when you both first met.

It could also demonstrates, that you have a strong desire to have a fantastic relationship but you don't feel and believe that you can really have it any more.

So, instead of being at ease and at peace with yourself and your partner so you can enjoy a wonderful and blissful relationship.

You have a negative feeling that tricks you into thinking:

  • That your partner has gone off you 
  • They might go off with somebody else 
  • You feel as if you're not good enough for them  
  • You feel as if you're going to lose them

Therefore, the only thing that you can replace your thoughts and feelings of insecurity, is having the constant security or reassurance from your partner. 

Or the certainty that they'll never go off you, cheat on you or leave you.

Your insecurities could be further driven by your beliefs that if your partner does leave you, then you won't be able to cope by yourself or you'll never find somebody else.

'Your relationship insecurities can cause you to create problems and scenarios internally, that either do not exist externally or they are highly unlikely to happen.

All those negative thoughts and feelings can drive you to turn a happy and good relationship, into a nightmare relationship and potentially, another doomed and soon to be, failed relationship.

Too avoid, this.

Try not to over analyze their every move, word or action and try not to read to much into every little whim thing or change of mood.

If they are a bit quiet or offish. Don't just jump the gun and presume, it has something to do with you.

Because, it could mean that they have something on their mind or they have a worry or problem, that they're trying to deal with.

Be more mindful to all those negative and self destructive thoughts, which are more to do with your worries and fears, than your actual reality.

Challenge them, dismiss them and change them and each time you notice those self destructive negative thoughts, let yourself know.

They're just thoughts, that only exist in my imagination, and you're not going to allow them to destroy you relationship and happiness, and everything is fine with your relationship, then bring your attention back to what you're doing, in the now.

Repeatedly, tell yourself that you are worthy and good enough, to be loved.

Change the way you feel, release your relationship insecurities and create the foundations for a loving and happy relationship

If you're researching relationship insecurities, then this suggest that you worried about your partner leaving you, cheating on you or going off you.

You might think that the way to ease your insecurities and worries is for you to try and get your partner to change their ways or behaviors or you might want to sit them down and talk things through.

'All these can help if they're justified and if your partner is treating you bad then this needs addressing and if things are really bad, then you should be prepared to end it or walk away, 

Some might even feel the need to try and control their partners and get them to give up what you don't like them doing.

Because, maybe you feel, if they're always with you, then this will ease your insecurities and calm your anxious mind.

This may work for a while, but it won't set the ideal atmosphere if you force your partner to give up doing their own things, then chances are, this is going to make them feel unhappy and resentful.

You want them to spend more time with you because they want to be with you, not because they feel they have to and the best way to get them to do that is for you to feel happy and at peace within.

As long as they are trustworthy, then you should allow them to pursue their own interests and hobbies and you should have your own goals or things to keep you occupied as well.

Because, you cannot rely on your partner for your own inner peace of mind, calmness and happiness.

In most cases, the real biggest issues to address, is your own emotional and mental state. Because, how you think and feel is your own responsibility and not all the responsibility of your partner

Because what you choose to do and how you think and feel is all down to you. 

Yes, how your partner treats and speaks to is incredibly important and any bad behavior by them, can affect how you feel. 

You should not about tolerating or putting up with your partner's bad or unreasonable behavior but equally you should not depend on them to determine how you feel..

Because, what really matters is you and how well you treat yourself, how you perceive yourself and how you feel.

Ideally, it is nice to feel loved, to be held and to receive loving affection and nice attention from your partner, but your own emotional well-being should be in your control.

If you have an external problems with your partner then try and resolve them in the best and most calmest ways possible.

But if you find yourself feeling and negative emotions such as jealousy, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety or frustration.

Be aware of how you feel and be aware that your not feeling as you would like to feel. 

Then make it your most dominant intention, to do everything you can to bring you back to a state of calm and happiness, despite what is going on in your relationship.

As you work towards feeling good and at peace, make sure that how good you intend to feel, is not a condition of your partner changing their ways or behaviors.

Because, if you can teach yourself to feel good, positive and calm, without having to depend on what your partner is or is not doing.

Then you will be in full control of how you feel instead of your feelings, your partner or your circumstances controlling you.

If you try and talk or approach your partner whilst you're still in a negative or stressful state of being, then you're sure to make matters worse not better.

Identifying and resolving your worries, anxieties and insecurities?

Before you can treat and overcome your insecurities, you need to pinpoint the root cause of them.

One way of doing this is to ask yourself a few searching questions, like:

  • What is making me feel anxious?
  • What am I feeling like this?
  • What is making me feel insecure?
  • What is making me feel frustrated and angry?

Then find somewhere quiet, relax, grab a pen and piece of paper, and just allow your mind to wonder and come up with the reasons, as they pop up into your head, write them down.

Because writing things down is a great way of expressing yourself and processing your negative emotions, it will also help you to understand, where you might be going wrong.

Then once you have identified your insecurities, worries and fears, you can begin to work on changing them.

Writing down how you feel or how you thought and felt about a specific situation or how you felt and thought in a negative feeling situation, can also help reduce your fears and anxieties.

Another good way to treat your insecurities, is to label each of them and then write then down.

Again think about what is driving your anxieties, insecurities or causing your low self esteem and self worth and write each one down.

  1. If you're afraid of your partner leaving you, write it down
  2. If you're afraid of being hurt, write it down
  3. If you're scared they might cheat on you or you think they're cheating on you, write it down
  4. If you feel they no longer love you, write it down
  5. If you think they no longer find you attractive, write it down
  6. If you feel you're not good enough for them, write it down
  7. If you feel you don't deserve to be loved, write it down

Once you have written down how you feel or what each of your insecurities is, it will give you a clear picture of your problem and when you know that, you can start working on the solution or what action you need to do next..

The next step is to try and workout, what is driving your anxieties and insecurities? 

Things that you can take a look at are.

Have you got an credibly evidence, are you fears being internally driven, based on your past negative experiences and beliefs.

Or are the a result of your partners unreasonable actions and behaviors?

An example, might be:

Lets say, you suspect or think that you're partner has been cheating on you?

If you do suspect this, then this will no doubt make you feel very angry, stressed or anxious.

If you do not then process and let go of these strong emotions. 

Then your curious and angry mind, will push you into defensive mode, which will eventually drive you to start checking and questioning, everything they do or asking them loads of questions.

If this kind of thing is happening to you.

Then you need to immediately resolve the situation or treat your underlying insecurities.

So, the next thing to do is to ask yourself, what is driving your suspicions and insecurities?

Are they coming from within, based on your beliefs and your previous bad relationship experiences and your conditioned emotional baggage.

Or have you any external evidence, concerning their recent actions and behaviors to support your concerns?

Internal insecurity versus external reasons and evidence?

Our insecurities are either being driven by our external situations and events  or our internal representations of how we perceive things.

If you partner is constantly and psychologically, abusing you, treating you badly, putting you down, belittling you, criticizing you, ect:

Or they are suddenly acting out of character, they are being secretive or they are behaving as if they're generally having an affair.

Then this could mean your insecurities are valid, because all these kind of things will naturally, destroy your self esteem and make you feel bad about yourself, as well as affecting your emotional well-being. 

If this is the case, and the physical and external evidence is absolutely crystal clear. Then you may need to either address the situation, decide what is best for you or even consider leaving them.

However, if your insecurities are being driven by your past negative experience, your lack of self respect or self worth for yourself, your internal feelings and dialogue or your negative emotional baggage.

Then this means, a very different and internal approach will be required.

Because, if you're the creator of your own downfall. Then this means that you can be the creator of your own great and wonderful life and fantastic relationship.

How to be free of your emotional pain, insecurities and suffering?

Whether your insecurities, fears or the things that make you feel upset or angry are being driven by external circumstances or internally, a new direction and approach is required.

Most of you insecure and fearful thoughts are a result of your high levels of stress, anger, unhappiness or anxiety.

When we have stressful fearful, angry, tense or negative feelings in the mind and body. They will be accompanied by even more, similar and matching types of thoughts and imaginings.

Our body also responds to our thoughts and imaginings, so if you think and imagine the worst case scenario all the time, then you we feel it as if it was happening for real. 

Thinking and feelings happen, sometimes randomly, sometimes as a result of how we are feeling and sometimes, they are triggered by our mind or they are a reaction to an external situation.

The thing to be aware of is; negative and unwanted thoughts are perfectly normal and perfectly natural, we all have them.

The secret is whether you learn to defuse and reduce them or whether you carry on getting emotionally sucked in and controlled by them.

The truth is, just because you think or feel something, does not mean it is true or it is happening or it might happen externally, neither do they represent a true reflection of who you really are.

The reason why you insecure and negative thoughts feel so overwhelming, are:

  • You accept and believe them as being accurate
  • You have become highly sensitive to them
  • The negative feelings and compulsions are so intense and strong, you are giving them your full and undivided attention, or you are allowing them to control what you think, say and do

Each negative thought, feeling and imagining is causing you to react with even more panic, fear, dread, stress, tension, feelings of sorrow/unhappiness or sensations of anger.

Once you become emotionally involved and sucked into your negative thoughts and feelings, then they can hold you stuck in a negative cycle of resistance, meaning more fear, stress, unhappiness and anger.

All these negative thoughts, self doubt, insecurity and anxiety will just lead to more negative thoughts and feelings.

Or you can flip them around into a positive "what if"

Such as: 

  • "What if things go well"
  • "I couldn't careless"
  • "Everything will workout fine for me"
  • "Whatever happens, I know I'll be OK


Picture with a black background with two red love hearts and the words written in white asaying


Taking Good Care Of Yourself And Why You May Be Addicted To Love?

Feeling happy about yourself, taking good care of yourself and focusing on doing some of the things that you want and enjoy is incredibly important for your future life and wellbeing.

Each day, ask yourself, How can I love myself more?

This could mean, setting yourself a goal or following your passions, so you make the very most of your free time.

Feeling insecure, having a great relationship and feel happy within is not all about having the perfect partner nor should you rely or depend on your partner for your happiness.

Because the first step to having a fantastic relationship is to take good care of yourself and making sure you have a great relationship with yourself.

As well as working on having a great relationship, work on taking good care of yourself.

This may involve, keep yourself occupied, by doing the things you like or enjoy doing.

Other key components of good health and wellbeing, are:

  • Relaxing deeply
  • Keeping active and occupied
  • Eating a healthy diet
  • Engaging in nature
  • Breathing exercises

If you want to feel at your best, then it is important to reduce your stress and learn how to release any tension in your body.

Years of negative psychological and emotional conditions such as:

  • Feelings of insecurity 
  • Shyness
  • Worry and anxiety
  • Negative or low moods
  • Anger and resentment

Can have a negative affect on your posture, your emotional well-being and your physiology.

Techniques, such as:

  • Yoga
  • Tai chi
  • The alexander technique
  • Meditation

Can all help you to release any built up tension, stress or adrenaline, leaving you feeling more calm, happier, poised and balanced.

Did you know that how you feel can affect your partner ?

When you allow your insecurities, worries and anxieties to take control of your mind, your behaviors, your actions, your attitude and your decisions.

Then they will have a negative affect and impact on you and your relationship.

Your thoughts and feelings are powerful and if you lose control of your mind and feelings then you and your relationship are going to suffer immensely.

When you feel calm, good and happy within.

Then your relationship will get better, because your partner will pick up on your good mood and if you love and accept yourself as well, the chances are you will receive more love back.

Because feelings are the language of love and if your feelings and insecurities can be sensed and felt by your partner, so if you're feeling insecure and negative. 

Then this creates bad vibes and a bad atmosphere, which can spill over in many bad ways in your relationship.

If people were more aware of their insecurity and how much damage it is doing to them and their relationships and they spent some time working on overcoming their own relationship insecurities. 

Then the chances are, they would not be in a bad relationships or a bad feeling place. 

Our thoughts and feelings, reveal to us, what is going on within ourselves.

The trouble is, many of us are not taught how to feel good about ourselves or how to listen to and manage our own thoughts and feelings.

As a result of this, many of us will rely too much on others or what other people think, tell us or say or they will constantly seek the reassurance of others to hide how bad they feel within ourselves.

If you desire to have a wonderful, fulfilling and loving relationship then you have to love and accept yourself and you have to be in a good feeling place.

Because, feelings are more powerful than words and you are communicating to your partner on a non physical level, all the time through your feelings and emotions.

Your partner can sense if you're in a good or bad feeling place, without you having to even communicate or say a single word to them.

Negative feelings are toxic to you and your relationship and insecurity, jealousy, fear and doubt create a negative state of being which will have a negative impact on your relationship.

Focus on yourself as well as your partner

Overcoming your relationship insecurities, may involve working on building your own self esteem and happiness within. 

Because it is extremely hard to relax and have a great relationship or to be happy, if you don't feel it.

This can take time and effort and although you want a happy and loving relationship. It is equally important for you, to understand that your own happiness and calm feelings, should not be attached to your relationship or your partner.

Insecurity is linked to negative emotions which drive all that negative mind chatter that you have with yourself.

Like all the worrying and sleepless nights, about your relationship turning sour or feeling like you're growing apart.

Not to mention all the endless self destructive relationship stories that take place in your head and all those relationship killer questions you often ask yourself. 

Such as: Debating does your partner still love you, are they having an affair and all the mindreading attempts you have with yourself to try and figure out what are they up to when their not with you.

When your emotions run riot. Your mind acts like a running commentary, only depicting the worse case scenario and making you believe it is true.

People think and act with their thoughts and emotions. 

What is absolutely certain, negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity are sure to make you do and say things, that you know you will later regret.

The truth is, all your negative chit chatter and all the constant need to feel reassured. 

Never actually, gives you the real peace of mind and inner security, that you're truly desire.

Most people who suffer with relationship insecurity. 

Actually spend more time worrying about ending up, all alone. Rather than spending time focusing on how to make their relationship better.

Seeking reassurance only fuels the need for more reassurance 

Why so many relationships are destroyed by insecurity is because. The strong and intense emotions, are so powerful they force people to say, act and do things, that they will almost inevitably regret.

If you constantly depend on your partner to ease your fears, suspicions and worries. 

Then this will not resolve your problem as it will never really offer you the security that you're desperately seeking, and it won't be long before you feel the need for even more ressaurance.

This pattern and cycle will repeat itself over and over again, until you push your confused partner over the edge and you risk ending your relationship.

The root cause of your relationship insecurities are being driven by patterns of behaviors and negative associations that you have learned from your previous bad relationships or they have been inherited from your childhood and life experiences.

These can also be caused if your parents were in a bad relationship.

You may have those insecurity evoking thoughts many times, such as:

  • What if my relationship ends
  • I cannot live without my partner
  • I'll never going to meet anybody else
Why you crave to be loved

When you were a young baby and young child.

Your parents would shower you with undivided, love, affection, attention, gifts and admiration.

The adoration and affection they gave you would fill you with a strong sense of security and feelings of being loved, and it felt wonderful you

If you wanted their attention, you would easily get it. If you were upset, they were there to comfort you if you wanted to be comforted, they would comfort for you. 

If your emotional and physical needs needed to be met, your parents would instantly drop everything to make sure you were satisfied and well cared for.

As a child, they would give in to your every whim and demand and you adored and took full advantage of this and you knew exactly how to get everything your own way.

This was a great period of your life, and everything seemed perfect in your world and your life was full of fun, love, enjoyment and you have a strong sense of being wanted, loved and appreciated.

This made you feel, happy, safe and secure.

But this does not last forever and things change, 

Because, there is no way our parents could maintain and keep up that level of attention. 

With all the pressure, stresses and strains of modern day living and all the demands of bringing up young children combined with your parents having to work, look after you, look after the house.

As well as having to go to work. 

They could not match the levels of attention and affection, that they once gave you.

Even though your parents would still love and adore you, they would not show it so much.

Gradually all the attention, affection and love would, bit by bit, appear to wear off. 

All of a sudden, you were no longer receiving all the love, protection and attention.

That once, made you feel, loved, wanted and appreciated, and the love and affection that you craved for.

One minute you're the focus of your parent's attention and you had the ability to please and fill your parents with joy and happiness.

Then, all of a sudden, to you, it all disappears, and having has it and lost it, you desperately want it all back.

These childhood memories, can cause you to fear, losing the love, security and affection of the person you come to love in the future.

This can leave you feel a bit insecure.

Then one day, years later. You meet your partner, who now becomes the new love of your life.

This makes you feel great and fills you with a sense of joy.

All of a sudden, you have now recaptured all the love and affection, your partner showers you with love, cares for you deeply and showers you with love, affection, attention and gifts and you can do no wrong.

Once again, you feel loved, the center of somebody else's attention and affection, and again you feel secure and happy, and you just want it to last forever.

But once again. It is hard to maintain things at this level, and yet again, the positivity and love, are replaced by negativity and the stresses and strains put on you and your partner.

Even though your partner still loves and appreciate you. They also have their own issues, challenges, hobbies and stresses that keep them occupied with themselves.

Slowly the insecurities and doubts start to creep in, as you secretly dread the thought of losing all the love and attention again.

The lessons to be learned are. You cannot always rely or depend on others to give you all their love and attention.

Nothing is more important to you, than to feel like you did when you were a young child and when you first met your partner.

But, because you cannot always rely on others to make you feel happy and secure. So now it is your responsibility.

If you crave for love. Then always remember that your inner being, has always loved you and always will.

How a happy relationship, might add, on years to your life?

According to research by the American Psychological Association. 

A good happy and loving relationship can do wonders for your health and mood. And it may even help, to add on years to your life.

The report states, that isolation and loneliness, maybe linked to health and well-being issues.

The study suggests that. When you have two people who are working together to have a good and happy relationship. Then it can lead to many positive health and well-being benefits.

Close personal connections, can have a positive impact on our health and state of being.

Whilst a bad or toxic relationship can have the adverse effect, causing you endless worry, anger and stress. 

This is why it is of utmost importance, that you release your relationship insecurities that are toxic to your relationship and bad for your health and well-being.

If you suffer from chronic relationship insecurity, then you have a major disadvantage with your relationship and your levels of happiness.

Although at heart, you just want a happy and loving relationship.

Your obsessive thoughts can push you into doing and saying things that can potentially damage and destroy your relationship.

If you leave your insecurities untreated, they will fester under the surface. In the end, you will run the risk of destroying the very thing that is most important to you and your happiness.

But it is not just you that suffers, your partner will also feel the pain and if you have children, then it can affect them as well.

Your relationship insecurities, can make life unbearable for you, but they can also make life unbearable for your partner.

Yet, if you overcome your relationship securities. You and your partner can return to a normal life so you can go on to enjoy all the positive benefits and bliss, that a happy and intimate relationship can bring you.

However, if you leave your insecurities to carry on doing their damage, then it can lead to serious relationship problems, further on down the line. 

Because, no matter how hard you try to suppress your feelings, thoughts and insecurities. The chances are, the strong feelings and emotions will keep on resurfacing and get the better of you. 

Emotions and feelings can be so overwhelming, that you won't be able to help yourself, from seeking reassurance or constantly analyzing and checking your partners every move.

When your relationship is good. You feel good, and life becomes wonderful, blissful and easy. 

But, when you have niggling relationship insecurities it negatively affects your life and it becomes difficult to enjoy a loving and fulfilling relationship. 

But it is not just your emotional well-being and relationship that is at stake. All the worry and stress can take its toll on your health.

Relationship insecurities cause you to ask many intrusive questions, in your quest to seek reassurance and quell those underlying fears and doubts. 

Your forever anxious and insecure mind pushes you into analyzing, questioning and doubting your partners every move.

When your insecurity takes over. You will ask those questions like:

  • He/she, doesn't find myself attracted any more. 
  • Does he/she still love me? 
  • It is not the same as it used to be 
  • Is he/she going to leave me? 
  • What is he/she up to? 
  • Why hasn't he/she answered my text?  
  • Have I done something wrong?
  • This is too good to last 
  • Everything always goes wrong for me 
  • I am driving him/her away 
  • I cannot stand the thought of losing him/her 
  • He/she, is losing interest in me
  • He/she is more interested in their friend/hobbies 
  • Has he met someone else 
  • What's he/she up to/planning? 
  • Why is he/she so quiet? 
  • What can I do?

The next thing that tends to happen is. Once you pose your mind those questions of insecurity and doubt.

Your mind will try and come back with an answer, and it will usually paint a picture and tell a story of what you fear the most.

This will trigger an internal investigation and analysis, which will be based on your inner perceptions rather than real life facts.   

Return back to the good old days

Can you remember how great things were when you both first met, because when you first fall in love, it feels magical and wonderful in fact, there isn't a better feeling or time in our lives.

With that in mind, we have to ask ourselves, why do we allow the magic to end?

Therefore, instead of feeling insecure, try to respak the passion and behave and treat each other with the love and respect, that you did, when you both first met.

Be more romantic, be more passionate and be more spontaneous and surprise each other and buy each other a few little gifts, leave a love note, appreciate each other and have some days or nights out together.

To avoid conflict and to reduce your insecurities, have a conversation with your partner about the things that you both like doing. 

If there is something bothering you, do not bottle it up, talk to your partner, in a calm manner, about what it is that is bothering you, so you can release it and let it go.

Whatever it is that is bothering you, accept it, surrender to it, let it go and then focus on what you want or do more of the things that you enjoy.

Once you find out what they like doing, so long as what they are doing is innocent, don’t try to change or stop them. 

Many experts suggest that you make sacrifices in your relationship, but this can cause resentment and add more pressure.

So sometimes it is better, to allow them to do the things they enjoy as long as it is not excessive, and as long as you both, spend some quality time together. 

At the same time, spend some time doing the things that you like and enjoy, but you have not got to spend, all your time together, in order to be happy.

The key is, to meet each other halfway, instead of trying to be with your partner, or to constantly want to keep tabs on them, all the time, just to ease your own insecurities and doubts.

When you begin to release your insecurities, and you let go of the need to control, monitor and you stop becoming so clingy, then you will free yourself up to enjoy doing some of the things that you like, which should work wonders for your relationship.

Emotional neediness and being addicted to love

When you become too insecure in your relationships it can indicate that you have become addicted to love where you may have reached a point of coming across as too needy, clingy and desperate which can be very unattractive to your partner.    

Love is a very powerful emotion and it becomes even more powerful at times when you have become separate from a loved one or you think you're about to lose the love of your life. 

This can drive you to desperate measures and irrational thinking patterns, actions and behaviours.

Some of the reasons that can make you become addicted to love is because, for whatever reason, somewhere along the way you may feel some of your emotional needs were not properly met or you do not like or love yourself as much as you should.

This can cause you to seek constant reassurance and security from your partner because it is the only way you have to balance and stabilize their emotions.

You will often find that things will begin to improve when you start to love yourself and you begin to feel worthy. 

It is hard for us to be loved, if we don't feel worthy or deserving of love ourselves, and we can't feel worthy and deserving, without self love.

There is an old saying that states

"No one can love you more that you love yourself"

People will only give back to you, what you're prepared to offer to yourself.

The truth is, the only person that can diminish you and pull you down, is yourself and your own feelings of unworthiness and insecurity.

When you, let go of your insecurities, and you develop a sense of unconditional self love, your life and your relationship, will change for the better.

People who are insecure, tend to go about things the wrong way around, and instead of loving themselves first, they depend on others loving them to make them feel secure and happy.

The trouble, is when you go about it this way, you will always be looking for reassurance from others.

When you learn to love, value and appreciate yourself, then you won't need to rely on the love of others, to allow you to feel good.

You will know when you have truly found and cultivated self love, when you feel at peace with yourself and your life, regardless of what is happening, on the outside.

When you decide to love yourself, you will open up the doors and opportunities to be loved back.

How To Love Yourself

Channel your love and time in other ways

You cannot always rely and depend on your partner to give you their full and undivided attention all the time.

The reason being is, they are far to often tied up with their own issues and interests, so no one is going to devote all their attention and give you the love you want and you feel you need all the time. 

Love is a very powerful emotion to a point where the need to feel loved and wanted can start to disrupt your whole life where you might reach a point where you get to the stage where you're constantly yearning for love to much.

Maybe you have been hurt in the past or maybe you have lost someone you love and you are trying to recapture that love, connection and good times, perhaps you have been cheated on and that is driving your insecurities.

Your desire to be loved could stem back from your early childhood, perhaps you felt neglected or unloved when you were young and that has made you yearn and crave love now.

To make matters worse you may get envious of your friends and other people who you think are in a perfect relationship causing you to question, is there something wrong with you and asking yourself why does everything always go wrong for me. 

This can leave you stuck in a seemingly never ending negative cycle.

Before you can have a happy and secure relationship you need to have a good relationship with yourself first and if you're a person who craves to be loved then you should first start to channel some of your love in other directions including on yourself.

Turn your inner passion, love and creativity into pursuing your true purpose, many famous writers, artists and musicians use their inner feelings to drive them to success and do more things of the things you love.

You will often find that when you come to terms with your own insecurities and you be yourself and you put more attention into loving yourself and feeling good without having any external conditions attached then your life will start to improve.

Because when your relationship with yourself improves your relationship with your partner or the opposite sex will improve as well. 

And although your goal is to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with your partner, they are not going to be there all the time, so it is a good idea for you to pursue your own interests and goals. 

Give up the need to try to control everything, otherwise, everything will control you

Your relationship insecurity can cause you to try to control your partner making you come across as bossy and to dominate. 

When people are insecure and because of its links to anxiety, it can cause you to want to have a feeling of certainty that everything will always be OK.

But unfortunately the need for certainty can lead to more worry, stress and tension and even anger which can cause even more problems in your relationship.   

You have to accept that you cannot have everything on your terms and the more you try and control your partner and your outside situations the worst you tend to make things.

It is far better to learn how to control your internal world and dialogue because when you master how to control your thoughts and emotions, then you will find that you will begin to calm down which will have a positive impact on your relationship.

Sometimes the insecure person will issue about their looks and their bodies and because they are insecure about their looks they will constantly look to their partners to seek approval and validate how good they look. 

Even when their partner tells them that they look great, the insecure partner will not accept the nice comments.   

Because they do not believe it or feel it.

They will often instantly dismiss or contradict the compliments by saying things like, no I don't, I look fat or I look ugly, this does not suit me. 

It can be very frustrating and annoying for your partner, especially when their compliments are genuine and sincere, so accept all the nice things they say to you.

Yet if you are happy with yourself and happy in your own skin you won't need or seek out reassurance all the time with your partner. 

The key is, accept what you cannot change and improve on the things you can.    

If you keep putting yourself down and being harsh on yourself, that is what will become your self image which eventually will become a part of you and your reality. 

So isn't it time you started being nice to yourself and when you love and accept yourself completely, then the good thing is you will begin to feel more secure in your relationship. 

Remember the thoughts you have about yourself and your relationships will determine your actions and decisions that can determine the future outcome of your relationship and your life.


Black and white image of a head shot of a man with his hands held at the side of his face and with all words of feelings of insecurity witten on his face


How Do I Manage My Insecurities And Resentfulness For The Sake Of My Future Relationships?

Relationship insecurities, not only ruins a relationship that you're currently in, they can even spoil your chances of starting a new relationship in the future.

If you have been hurt, mistreated or cheated on in the past, then it's only naturally that you won't to make the same mistakes again.

You may ask yourself the question.

How do I stop my previous relationship negative experiences, insecurities and bitterness from preventing myself from spoiling my future chances of finding a new loving, trusting and caring partner

Instead of worrying about history repeating itself again or allowing your past emotional baggage, from denying you future love and happiness.

Although, it can seem easier and less stressful, to remain single, rather than risk going through the same upsetting experience again.

There are still plenty of genuine, trusting and nice people, out there, who are hoping that they will find someone like you, some of them who themselves have been through exactly what you've been through.

Therefore, rather than living your life ruled and defined by your past, perhaps a much more better approach would be to deal with your own feelings of insecurity, resentfulness and bitterness for your own personal well being, as well as learning how to heal and let go of your own emotional wounds and bad relationship experiences. 

Before you think about finding a new love of your life, spend some time working on being the person you want to be.

Focus on your own personal development and happiness, learn new skills and then practice those skills, and implement and incorporate those new techniques and strategies, until they become the new and best version of you.

The new you should feel about yourself and positive about your abilities and your future, so learn to trust your capabilities to learn, grow, overcome, recovery and move forwards and achieve great things.

Learn how to believe in yourself and know that you have the choice to think, feel and do what you want.

You may have been the victim and you may have been hurt bad, but you are more stronger, capable and powerful than you think, so try not to feel sorry for yourself and remain the victim and focus on what you want and go and get it.

Lots have people have been at that deep and dark place, where you are. You’ve been hurt and therefore, it is no wonder why you have lost your trust and faith in others.

This has made you feel skeptical about trusting again, and you’ve used your bad memories to cause you to feel angry inside which has created a distrust to give somebody else the benefit of the doubt.

Your past negative and emotional relationship baggage has made you more guarded and distrusting and cautious about finding somebody else.

But there is probably a inner part of you that realizes that you can not judge a future partner by the standards of your previous partner and you also realize that you deserve to be treated better, by a future partner and maybe, by yourself.

Maybe it would be better, to try not to keep going for the same type, because there are plenty of people out there, who will treat you well.

You cannot change the past but you can change the way you perceive it and they way you react to it and allow it to hold you back and restrict you.

Our negative experiences should be used to make us stronger and wiser and not to limit us, cause us suffering and hold us back.

Work on your emotions and develop your inner strength

it would be a good idea to spend some time working on your own emotional strength.

These means, letting go of the past and realizing that your real problem, ow lies with yourself and not with everybody else.

because your past partners have long gone out of your life and you cannot not make an honest and true assessment or judgement on anybody you might meet in the future.

Part of your problem could now be that you don’t really believe and trust yourself to look after you and make your life better and better.

You may even think you have need the to rely on others for your security and to take care of you.

Learn to trust your inner being and your powerful intuition and do what you feel is right and best for you.

Have faith and hope and develop the inner resolve to be bold and strong enough to do what is best for you and your future happiness and success.

Be you, allow yourself to be yourself and always strive to become the very best and amazing, best version of you.

Try not to tar every future partner with the same brush and in the meantime, be productive with your time and learn new skills or take up new hobbies.

Join an evening class, arts class or sports or dance class or take up a new hobby or embark on a new venture or goal.

Do what is in your best interests, this could also mean, creating a new network of reliable and visiting worthy friends and family.

Learn from your past mistakes, but never be a victim or a prisoner to them and believe you can have the strength and resourcefulness to handle and overcome, whatever life throws at you.

Keep building your inner strength. Be the self reliant person you want to be.

If you’re stuck, get a bit of professional counseling. Therapy is particularly good at helping with these sorts of issues.

And it’s usually the shortcut to new and more effective ways of thinking and problem solving.

What causes relationship insecurities?

Our relationship insecurities and fears are being driven, either by our partners actions and behaviors or by our negative, relationship experiences, beliefs and programming.

If your partner is behaving or treating you badly, then you need to calmly address and resolve theses issues with them.

However, many of our relationship issues and problems, stem from our negative thoughts patterns, insecurities, beliefs and experiences.

Our past beliefs, experiences and insecurities, create these negative thought patterns, programs and patterns which controls nearly all of our perceptions, attitudes, thoughts, feelings and our habitual behaviors and actions.

Now you know that nearly all of your negative thinking patterns and behaviors are habitual and subconsciously controlled, the best way forward and the best way to create a better you and relationship, is to change your negative subconscious programs, insecurities and fears.

Your subconscious mind which is the emotional part of your mind, where all your fears, insecurities and bad memories are stored, does not think or deal in logic, it just acts on what it has learned, what you tell it or what you put into it. 

Some may argue, there is no smoke without fire?

In most cases, the reasons why people suffer with relationship insecurities is often internally driven due to their internal beliefs and previous relationship history, such as: 

  • They've become a victim to their past negative experiences
  • They have or they are being treated bad
  • They have unresolved emotional issues
  • They are allowing their own perceptions or the perceptions of others to cloud their view
  • They're judging their partners or future partners based upon their conditioning or their beliefs

Having said that, some people will have a genuinely good reason to feel a bit insecure, especially if you're being mistreated or you have strong physical evidence to back up your claims.

Either way, you still need to address and sort out your relationship or your relationship insecurities.

Stop living in the emotional pain of your past

Most of our subconscious; social programming, social experiences and our fears, insecurities and our perceptions and beliefs 

Are formed from our previous experiences, our learned behaviors and beliefs. 

Or through observing the actions and behaviors of others, especially our partners.

All of these, then become our stored subconscious beliefs and programs, which control nearly all of our thinking, feelings actions and behaviors.

If your subconscious programs are negative. 

Then they will have a negative influence on how you feel, your behaviors and responses and the quality of your life, including your relationship.

The life that you're living now and how good or bad your relationships are or have been, are an expression and reflection, of your subconscious programs and beliefs.

If you're happy, you feel great, you have a great life and you have a great relationship.

Then this means, that you have positive, encouraging and supportive belief systems and subconscious programs.

Stopping your past from ruining your now

Don't always judge your current partner or circumstances by your past negative or unpleasant experiences, otherwise you will live your now carrying the emotional pain and baggage of your past.

If you allow it, your negative past can rob you of your deserved right of feeling happy now and leave you feeling insecure about your future.

A typical insecure pattern of thinking can something like this;

"My Husband/boyfriend-wife/girlfriend, left me- No men can be trusted!"

"I was cheated on by my lover, so you now, stereotype all men/woman as being the same, so you convince yourself,  how can you ever trust any man/women again"

"My partner who I loved and who I have been with for a long time left me. Therefore, I will never allow myself to fall in love again, because you only end up getting hurt!"

This type of generalizing can leave you feeling guarded and it can prevent people from being able to trust and commit into forming a new loving relationship.

Merely because of all the fear and anxiety of making the same mistakes again, or you now have the attitude of, is it worth the risk of getting hurt again.

This can also lead you into putting up your barriers and maybe becoming a bit too defensive and judgmental.

Love is a very powerful emotion and driving force, it can be great when love is blooming and everything is running smoothly, but it can crush you and bring you down, when it goes wrong, or more importantly, even if you think it is going wrong.

You must not allow your past to prevent you from having a happy relationship, what you have to be aware of is, all people and circumstances are different, so try not to let what has happened in the past to condemn yourself to live an unhappy life.

We learn to avoid anything that might cause us emotional pain, but not everybody is the same, so why allow somebody else that is no longer a part of your life, to make your life unhappy now or in the future.

If you find that your relationship insecurities and anxieties are getting the better of you, then you might benefit greatly by learning how to manage those anxious thoughts that are fueling your insecurities.


Overcoming Insecurity In Relationships


Finding Happiness 

Tap into your true spiritual happiness

Manage Your Anger

Learn how to deal with the root cause  of your anger

Reduce Your Stress

Start to  lower your stress levels and return back to inner peace

Positive Thinking

Enjoy the many health benefits of positive thinking 

 Meditation For Stress

Nearly all the most successful people relax for  twenty minutes a day 

Manage Anxious Thoughts

Stop fighting with your thoughts and learn how to quieten them

Overcoming Fear

Wise up to fear and learn how to tame and outsmart the beast

 Dealing With Worry

Worrying can effect your health and quality of life

Be More Successful

Tips on how to become more successful in your life

End Panic Attacks

Help to end panic attacks and general anxiety disorder

The Power Of Hypnosis

Use the power of hypnosis to tap into the software of your mind

New Years Resolutions

Out with the old and in with the new ideal and more happier you