Are You Thinking About Having An Affair And Do Affairs Work?

Why Do People Have Affairs?

So you're thinking about It should you have an affair? Someone's caught your eye perhaps. Your tempted by the thoughts of a fling with this new person in your life, especially if your relationship with your partner Is going through some pretty tough times at the moment. 

But deep down, perhaps there is still that inner part of you that isn't quite sure whether it is the right thing for you to do, the pain it may bring, the potential hurt on you and your family.

Or perhaps you've already gone ahead with it? And you are now unsure what to do or whether you should end it or not?

There could many different reason why you are considering on embarking on an having and affair, after all they may feel like a bit of harmless fun and excitement, that you feel has been missing from your relationship of late.

You might not even have even been thinking about having an affair, but perhaps somebody has been paying you a lot of undivided attention, lately, which maybe have been sadly missing from your relationship?

Imagining yourself having passionate and romantic nights out with the person that you're dreaming of having an affair with, might stir up those good feelings and emotions.

These thoughts might excite and please you, they may even ignite a sense of fun and fulfillment within you and fill you full of passion and lust.

Maybe deep down, you long to recapture the wonderful feelings and times you had, when you first started dating your present partner.

However, sometimes when fantasy crosses with actual reality. The dream like picture and scenario, you painted in your imagination can turn into your worst nightmare in actual reality.  

Some things are just best left to the imagination or better still, put all the effort, focus and energy into making your current relationship better and more exciting.

All that sudden attention, can be very flattering and tempting. Especially if you feel as if your partner has been neglecting you of late. Because a bit of attention, can make you feel special, important and wanted again.

Very often, people don't really want to have an affair, but they do it because they feel as if there is something seriously lacking in their current relationship.

It could be, you feel that you and your partner have drifted apart or you feel as if you have become  disconnected and distant. If they have let themselves go a bit, then this also can put you off them.

Has you relationship gone a bit stale?

If you feel that your relationship has become too predictable and routine, you maybe searching for a bit of fun, excitement and spontaneity.
 
Perhaps you feel like the romance and passion has gone out of relationship or you feel as if your emotional and physical needs are not being met.

Deep down, you could feel as your partner doesn't appreciate you, listen to you and support you. 

Some people will cheat on their partners because they aren't feeling wanted or loved in their current relationship and the communication and affection is almost non existent. 

In any relationship, after the honeymoon period is over things can go a bit stale. Often people will consider having an affair if they feel lonely because their partner is to busy with their career or they're spending more time with their friends or doing their hobbies. 

You might also be tempted to have an affair if your partner is always criticising or treating you bad or they are not making you feel important, needed or special. 

Many people reach a breaking point when they feel that everything they do is wrong others are crying out for love, support, attention and kindness.

Others will cheat, because it gives them an ego boost, they feel as if they're not getting enough sex or they feel as if they're heading for a midlife crisis and they want to recapture their youth.

For some, especially the men. It has a lot to do with the challenge and the thrill and excitement of the chase, whilst women may do it because of the emotional involvement and the feelings of intimacy, feeling attractive or being desired.

Self esteem can also be a factor in why some people have an affair. If you suffer with low self esteem, then all the attention and affection, can give your self esteem a boost. 

On the opposite end of the scale. Too much self esteem, can make you feel likes gods gift to men/woman, which can drive you to having an affair.

The fear of committing yourself to one person, like getting married, having children, moving in together or getting engaged can cause some people to become, unsure about whether they want to fully commit to one person.

The fear of commitment or responsibility can cause some to have an affair or what they might call, one last fling before they settle down.

The trouble is in many situations like this, they end up losing the good thing that they had going, with their loving and caring partner.

There are some who will do it, just because they think that they can get away with it, whilst others will have an affair to help them beat their sometimes boring, routine and mundane lives.

An important thing to be aware of. Even though you may think you're getting away with it. The chances are you won't. 

Because it won't be long before your partner gets suspicious, because their intuition will tell them that something is wrong and their intuition is never wrong.

Many might think they're clever and they're partner has no idea, but don't guarantee on it. Once they do sense that you're cheating, lying and betraying them.  

This can make life very tricky and difficult, especially for the victim of the affair and they will start to check and monitor your every move. 

If you do get caught and you manage to save your relationship. Sometimes, your partner might end up thinking you're seeing somebody afterwards, even if you're not, which can put a huge strain on your relationship afterwards. 

The things to bare in mind is, affairs provide short term pleasure and long term pain, suffering and heartache.

If you feel as if your relationship sucks at the moment and you're hoping that the relationship with the person you're having an affair will work and last. 

You might want to know that the statistics for couples who start a relationship by having and affair are not very positive or encouraging.

Because according to many studies, over 75% of those who marry or live together after beginning their relationship by having an affair, either separate or get divorced after five years.

Therefore, in the majority of cases, the statistics suggests that most affairs don't work.

Whatever your reasons are, there are some real important things that you should consider, before you risk possibly, making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.

Avoid all the suffering, lying, cheating, anger, upset and hurt by making your relationship better

A happy, loving and enjoyable relationship, means a happy, peaceful and healthy you and our lives are so much better when we are committed in a healthy and stress free relationship.

Therefore, before you think about destroying your relationship, hurting the person that deep down you still love and causing a lot of guilt, stress and shame for yourself.

It is always worthwhile to consider working on making your relationship great and the Respark The Romance program can help you to make your relationship better, rather than risk the serious consequences of having an affair.

11 Valid reasons Why You Should Not Have An Affair

Just like the start of any relationship, having an affair can make you feel special, important and wanted for a while, but like most, relationships, the novelty soon starts to wear off, and the troubles start to begin.

Below are some things you may like to consider before you embark on having an affair.

1) Emotional attachment

If you want a new relationship, then it is always better to end your current one. However, many people are just after a casual affair and they have no intention of leaving their partner.

If you're just seeking a meaningless, casual relationship. Then you have to make sure that the person you're going to have an affair, wants a no strings attached relationship.

The trouble is. You cannot always control yours or the other person that you're having an affair with, feelings and emotions.

Emotional attachment can transform a casual fling into a complicated, difficult and dangerous situation.

Even if you or the other person does not intend to become emotionally attached. People do and even if you don't, there is no guarantee that the other person won't become emotionally attached to you.

When this happens, things can become very messy and unpleasant for all parties concerned. 

Even if you feel things are becoming to serious and you won't to end the affair, it does not necessarily mean the person you're having an affair with will feel the same way.

What can happen then is. You may start to panic and choose to end the affair, for the fear of your partner finding out.

The big problem you might have to deal with then is. The person you're having an affair with might not want to end it and they can make it very difficult for you to end the affair. 

If this happens, when you try to end it yourself. They might try and emotionally blackmail you, by threatening to tell your partner about the affair that you've been having with them.

In the end, you could end up losing everything.

2) No one will trust you again

Once you have been caught having an affair your partner, if they decide to give you another chance will find it very hard to trust you again.

Trust and honesty is two of the most important ingredients in a happy and successful relationship and once that trust has been lost it can take a long time for it to be regained again.

Even if your partner choose to leave you. Once you have got a bad reputation of being a cheat. Then other men/woman, won't trust you in the future, so you may find it very hard to form a new relationship.

When you suddenly change your ways and patterns of behavior, people will start to intuitively suspicious of your out of character behaviors and actions.

3) Affairs cause a lot of pent up anger

Affairs can generated huge amounts of anger, hurt and rage, which can end up in massive arguments and even serious violence, that in extreme cases can be fatal. 

No one likes being cheated and betrayed and for the victim of the affair, they can end up bottling up all their anger, until they can no longer control their emotions, actions and behaviors.

People get hurt both physcially and emotionally when they're on the receiving end of an affair and this anger can simmer, until it eventually explodes.

When people are extremely angry, it can lead to feelings of hate, resentment and anger.

When your partner does find out or they suspect that you're having an affair. After the initial shock and disbelief, they will lose their trust in you, before you even suspect that they know that, they know that you're having an affair.

Some people might initially go into the denial stage, because they won't, want to accept the truth. 

Because not only will it make them feel as if their whole world has fallen apart. To start off with, they will try to deny it to themselves, because the truth will be, something that they desperately don't want to believe.

Imagine how cold the atmosphere will be between you, when your partner knows that you're cheating on you, long before they confront you about it.

And, how will you know, whether they know or they don't know, if you're having an affair. 

You might think that you're getting away with it, as most do. But you may be shocked to know, that most people will start to suspect it and this could generate huge amounts of anger and resent for your partner.

In some situations, things can get even more complicated. As the song goes.

"Little does she know, that I know, that she knows, that I know, she's cheating on me"

This scenario could happen for real. Where your partner knows that you know that they know, that you're cheating on them.

Either way, it can create a very bad and potentially disastrous situation. 

One thing's for sure, because their intuition will be so strong, this will generate high levels of anger, which are going to eventually manifest into confrontational arguments and fights.

Ask yourself. How would you feel, if it happened to you and how would you react. 

4) You may lose your security

Although having an affair might feel very appealing at first, if you just stop to consider the long term damage that you could do to you, your family and your partner then it may not seem so appealing.

Nearly all affairs end up a disaster and eventually, you're going to get caught or found out. 

Depending on the status of your relationship and how long you've been together, you could end up losing a lot more than you bargained.

If you are married, living together, if you have an children or if you're buying your own home, then you stand to lose a lot, should you get found out.

Not only could you find yourself homeless. You may also lose the custody of your children and a divorce or having to find yourself somewhere else to live, combined with having to furnish your new home, can cost you a lot of money.

If you end up on your home, then you will have to finance everything yourself, not to mention all the money that you have invested in buying and furnishing your home with your former partner.

5) Can you dealing with all the uncertainty

Some people like living dangerously, whilst others do not like the thoughts and feelings of uncertainty. The mere thought that they might get caught at any moment, can make things feel very uncomfortable.

You have to ask yourself. Do you really want to spend all your time looking over your shoulder, lying or trying to prevent yourself from being caught? 

It does not real feel like fun, to me.

Another thing you may want to consider is. Can you be absolutely certain that you won't get caught out and can you live with the the thoughts that everything could go horribly wrong at any given moment for you.

Humans seek security, it is one of the most basic human emotional needs. 

Affairs, will only add more uncertainty for you. Can you deal with the uncertainty of losing your home and life, that you have spent years building with your partner.

Affairs can lose some of their excitement with the knowing that your family, friends, partner and children may never want to have anything to do with you, once they find out.

Affairs are not all fun and if you have one. Then you have got to make sure that you can handle all the uncertainty that is coming your way and one thing that is certain, there will be consequences and a hefty price to pay, when that day happens.

6) You will be branded a liar and a cheat

Do you really want to be branded a liar and cheat, affairs may seem exciting for a while, but are they really worth it, once the novelty wears off you will have to deal with all the betrayal, lies and cheating. 

Not only will you be hurting your partner, you will make your own life stressful. 

Everybody hates the cheat, not matter how bad your relationship has become your partner does not deserve to be cheated on.

7) Your children may resent you

If you have children, then you will have to consider their feelings too, you might not think it, but your children will not be happy to find out that their mother/father is having an affair. 

You're basically telling them you don't think their mother/father is a worthwhile person, children often copy the actions of their parents and they might go the other way and think it's OK to cheat on their partners when their old, lead by example.

Usually they will immediately side with the victim parent, affairs not only destroy family life they can seriously affect your children both emotionally and mentally.

Plus, you will bring complete shame on your children, you run the risk of other children teasing and ridiculing them at school, older children can become very angry with the parent who is having or had an affair 

Children are smart, and they often know or sense what is going on, this can leave your children feeling angry and resentful of the offending parent.

When you get caught, who side do you think your children are going to take?

8) Unwanted Pregnancies or STD

When people embark on an affair the passion is running high and logic and rational thinking goes out of the window. 

When people rush into things they make quick and rash decisions, affairs can lead to unwanted pregnancies and even sexual related diseases. 

This is not a good idea, especially as it has been disclosed that the antibiotic-resistant strain of gonorrhoea is on the rise.

9) You will be breaking one of the ten commandments

This is one of the ten commandments, whether you believe in God or not, adultery was understood to be a serious offense back in biblical times even before the ten commandments was written by the finger of God on the stone of tablets. 

If you listen to the stories of those who have encountered a near death experience they will nearly all mention about the past life review with a higher powerful spiritual being and they get shown any hurt they inflicted on others. 

They question they get asked is? What did you learn to love, were meant to love more and hurt people less.

This is not about moral preaching, but anybody who is thinking of having an affair should bare in mind the seriousness of their actions, giving in to temptation is a sign of weakness and loss of self control, it often leads you down the path of personal misery and suffering. 

Adultery usually starts off as a thought or idea, so pay attention to your thoughts, it would be far better to put in as much effort as you can to improve your relationship and sorting out any difficulties you have between you and your partner without arguing or shouting at each other.

10) You will become the person you used to condemn

People are very hypercritical, before they have an affair they have probably slated and criticized others whom they know have cheated on their partners, ironically if you proceed with having an affair then you will join the group of people who you once despised. 

If you have watched the Jeremy Kyle or the Jerry Springer show, you will observe that everybody hates the cheat and the liar and everybody show empathy towards the victim, affair stir up a lot of emotion. 

Do you really want everybody pointing the finger at you, damning you and classing you as a cheat and a liar.

11) You'll never feel completely relaxed

Everywhere you go you will be looking over your shoulder, you won't be able to go out in public like normal couples because of the risk of getting caught, do you that class that as having fun and exciting. 

It is a small world and no matter where you go you will run the risk of being seen, especially these days with all the camera's people have on mobile phones. 

If you have an affair with someone at work or someone locally, when it all goes wrong life can become very awkward for both of you. 

The third party in the affair is often only being used for physical gratification by the adulterer. 

It is far better in the long run to try and work on or save your relationship. If you feel that it has gone beyond the point of saving them for everybody sake and feelings the best thing to do is end the relationship and then look for somebody else.

 


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