Picture of a man and woman lying in bed

Do Love Affairs Ever Work And Does The Pleasure Out Way All The Pain And Suffering?

Why do people have affairs?

According to the statistics, affairs are more common than some of us would like to think.

In the UK alone it has been estimated that around one in five British adults had admitted that they had cheated on their partner, sometimes more than once.

So why do some people cheat? And if you're thinking about having an affair you might want to know do love affair ever work and what do you do when a casual physical fling, turns to love?

These are the types of questions that you may like to consider before you put your reputation, relationship and security at risk.

Because it is worth looking at, is the pleasure worth all the lies, deceit and suffering that follows for all parties concerned? 

What makes someone cheat?

There could be many reasons why people have or they are thinking about having an affair.

One reason could be, you might think that your emotional and physical needs are no longer being met.

For some people, they can feel as if their relationship as become a bit dull which drives them to seek excitement or crave for stimulation and they an affair to help them fulfill their needs.

For others, they may feel as if the emotional connection has been lost or they and their partner, have both drifted apart.

If someone has been treated badly or neglected, they might start looking outside of their relationship for comfort, social contact and support, which could lead to a love affair.

Revenge could be another reason, if you have been cheated on yourself then you may act on impulse and have an affair yourself.

It could be because the relationship is going through a bad patch or they have had a big fallout.

Others will do, because they're bored or the physical attraction has gone, so they are looking for some thrills, passion and excitement.

Sometimes the reason why people stray is because they feel as if their partner is not paying them enough attention or affection.

It could because they have a chance to go with somebody younger or somebody they work with or somebody who has been paying them a lot of attention.

Sometimes it could be purely for physical reasons or the person cannot resist the temptation, others can become addicted to love and sex.

Some experts believe that certain types of personalities are more likely to cheat than others.

This may shock you?

What is really surprising. One of the main reasons why people said they cheated was because they felt that they did not feel worthy of love.

This is really very sad to find out that they people would risk destroying their own loving relationship as well as hurting their partners and losing their homes.

Just because they were insecure or they had been programmed to believe they are not worthy or deserving of love and happiness.

There is a label for this which has been called the "The fear of love"

This demonstrates the power of our beliefs and programming and the really upsetting thing is, we tend to live our lives by our preconditioned beliefs and programming.

This underlying problem usually stems right back to your very early childhood and the type of family life your experienced.

If you were led to believe that you were not:

  • Good enough 
  • Worthy enough
  • You felt you were deprived of love
  • Deserving of love

Others reasons why some people have been programmed to fear or reject love is down to their family dynamics and social upbringing.

This can be due to the relationships with the child, mother and father or because of the relationship the mother and father had with themselves.

This is especially so, if you have come from a broken home or your mother and father had set bad examples or the argued or treated each other badly.

Young children are very impressionable and if they felt that you were, neglected, unloved or criticised a lot or they witnessed the bad behaviors of their parents then this can affect them when they have a relationship.

Life can be hard for a child who came from a dysfunctional family upbringing and they had to witness a lack of love, respect and empathy between their parents.

Then this can cause you to grow up feeling a lack of empathy and respect for others and a lack of self worth for yourself and it can determine how you treat others yourself.

Child can grow up modelling their parents behaviors and actions, after seeing how the mother and father interacted with each other and failings in the home and family life can hardwire them to copycat their parents behaviors.

This can leave them feeling as if they are not worthy of love and affection.

Therefore, if you feel that you are unworthy or undeserving of love or you are used to a non loving family atmosphere or even worse you felt unloved because one of your parents left you.

Then you can grow up to develop a fear of love which can subconsciously cause you to destroy your own relationship every time you get close to love.

Disadvantages of having an affair

When people are thinking about having an affair, for most of them their thoughts are all focused on all the excitement, thrills and advantages.

On the surface level an affair can sound exciting and a chance to experience or recapturing all the thrill of meeting somebody new.

For men and even some woman, it could be the thrill of all the sex, the thrill of the risk of having sex with somebody you know you should be having sex with.

For some, especially the woman, it could be more for emotional reasons. Like the need to feel loved, wanted and desired.

But if you stop and think about it for a minute, the disadvantages out way the advantages.

Because the moment you begin having an affair, everything changes and not for the best.

Your whole life we then become a lie and a life of deceit.

Soon, you're going to have to lie to your partner and you will have to lie about where you're going and who you are with.

If you will have to lie to your family and your partners family and if you have children you will have to start lying to them.

You will have to watch your back and cover your every move and come up with more and more reasons to explain where you're going and who you are with.

One mistake and the games up and you will have to have back up alibis and make sure you don't slip up.

It will be very hard for you to get away with it, because as hard as you try you will soon begin to act and look suspicious.

If you're partner starts to ask you questions. Your body language and your hesitation and poor excuses will give the game away.

You might think that you're getting away with it, but your partners intuition will be more powerful and persuasive than you are.

An affair requires so much planning, lying deceiving  and organizing that you have to ask is it really worth it.

The biggest disadvantage of them all is when they find out which could end up in an expensive, messy and costly divorce or separation, where you lose everything you have ever built and worked for.

Affairs are not all fun and if you have one. Then you have got to make sure that you can handle all the uncertainty that is coming your way and one thing that is certain, there will be consequences and a hefty price to pay, when that day happens.

10 Valid Reasons Why You Should Not Have An Affair

Cartoon picture with a light blue background with a piece of paper with two wedding rings on a divorce paper

 

Just like the start of any relationship, having an affair can make you feel special, important and wanted for a while, but like most, relationships, the novelty soon starts to wear off, and the troubles start to begin.

Below are some things you may like to consider before you embark on having an affair.

1) Emotional attachment

What might start out as a bit of fun, can turn into a love affair and when one or both of you fall in love then you are faced with a big decision.

Do you break up with your current partner and risk losing your home, partner and family life, not to mention all the money it will cost you?

If you don't want to end your current marriage or relationship, how are you going to end the affair if one of you are in love?

2) No one will trust you again

Once you have been caught having an affair your partner, if they decide to give you another chance will find it very hard to trust you again.

Trust and honesty is two of the most important ingredients in a happy and successful relationship.

Once that trust has been lost it can take a long time for it to be regained again.

Once you have got a bad reputation of being a cheat. Then other men/woman, won't trust you in the future, so you may find it very hard to form a new relationship.

3) Affairs cause a lot of pent up anger

Affairs can generated huge amounts of anger, hurt and rage, which can end up in massive arguments and even serious violence, that in extreme cases can be fatal. 

No one likes being cheated and betrayed and for the victim of the affair, they can end up bottling up all their anger, until they can no longer control their emotions, actions and behaviors.

People get hurt both physcially and emotionally when they're on the receiving end of an affair and this anger can simmer, until it eventually explodes.

When people are extremely angry, it can lead to feelings of hate, resentment and revenge.

When your partner does find out or they suspect that you're having an affair.

After the initial shock and disbelief, they will lose their trust in you.

Some people might initially go into the denial stage, because they won't, want to accept the truth. 

You might convince yourself that you're getting away with it but it won't be long before your partner suspects and knows on the inside, even if they don't initially confront you.

Imagine how cold the atmosphere will be between you, when your partner knows that you're cheating on you, long before they confront you about it.

You may be shocked to know, that most people will start to suspect it and this could generate huge amounts of anger and resent for your partner.

Either way, it can create a very bad and potentially disastrous situation. 

Ask yourself. How would you feel, if it happened to you and how would you react. 

4) You may lose your money, home and security

If more people would just stop to consider the long term damage and hurt that they will inflict on their partner, children and family, they would not have an affair.

Nearly all affairs end up a disaster and eventually, you're going to get caught or found out. 

Depending on the status of your relationship and how long you've been together, you could end up losing a lot more than you bargained.

If you are married, living together, if you have an children or if you're buying your own home, then you stand to lose a lot, should you get found out.

Not only could you find yourself homeless. You may also lose the custody of your children and a divorce or having to find yourself somewhere else to live, combined with having to furnish your new home, can cost you a lot of money.

If you end up on your home, then you will have to finance everything yourself, not to mention all the money that you have invested in buying and furnishing your home with your former partner.

5) You will be branded a liar and a cheat

If you are the one who is cheating, then nearly everybody else, will see you as a cheat and a liar and people will start to disapprove what you have done, even the ones who you think are your mates.

Not only will you be hurting your partner, you will be hurting yourself and you will get a very bad reputation.

Everybody hates the cheat, not matter how bad your relationship has become your partner does not deserve to be cheated on.

6) Your children may resent you

If you have children, then you will have to consider their feelings too. You might not think it, but your children will not be happy to find out that their mother/father is having an affair. 

You're basically telling them you don't think their mother/father is a worthwhile person.

As children often copy the actions of their parents they might also think it is OK to cheat on their loved ones when they grow up.

Usually they will immediately side with the victim parent, affairs not only destroy family life they can seriously affect your children both emotionally and mentally.

Plus, you will bring complete shame on your children, you run the risk of other children teasing and ridiculing them at school, older children can become very angry with the parent who is having or had an affair 

Children are smart, and they often know or sense what is going on, this can leave your children feeling angry and resentful of the offending parent.

When you get caught, who side do you think your children are going to take?

7) Unwanted Pregnancies or STD

When people embark on an affair the passion is running high and logic and rational thinking goes out of the window. 

When people rush into things they make quick and rash decisions, affairs can lead to unwanted pregnancies and even sexual related diseases. 

This is not a good idea, especially as it has been disclosed that the antibiotic-resistant strain of gonorrhoea is on the rise.

8) You will be breaking one of the ten commandments

This is one of the ten commandments, whether you believe in God or not, adultery was understood to be a serious offense back in biblical times even before the ten commandments was written by the finger of God on the stone of tablets. 

If you listen to the stories of those who have encountered a near death experience they will nearly all mention about the past life review with a higher powerful spiritual being and they get shown any hurt they inflicted on others. 

They question they get asked is? What did you learn to love, were meant to love more and hurt people less.

This is not about moral preaching, but anybody who is thinking of having an affair should bare in mind the seriousness of their actions, giving in to temptation is a sign of weakness and loss of self control, it often leads you down the path of personal misery and suffering. 

Adultery usually starts off as a thought or idea, so pay attention to your thoughts, it would be far better to put in as much effort as you can to improve your relationship and sorting out any difficulties you have between you and your partner without arguing or shouting at each other.

9) You will become the person you used to condemn

People are very hypercritical, before they have an affair they have probably slated and criticized others whom they know have cheated on their partners, ironically if you proceed with having an affair then you will join the group of people who you once despised. 

If you have watched the Jeremy Kyle or the Jerry Springer show, you will observe that everybody hates the cheat and the liar and everybody show empathy towards the victim, affair stir up a lot of emotion. 

Do you really want everybody pointing the finger at you, damning you and classing you as a cheat and a liar.

10) You'll never feel completely relaxed

Everywhere you go you will be looking over your shoulder, you won't be able to go out in public like normal couples because of the risk of getting caught, do you that class that as having fun and exciting. 

It is a small world and no matter where you go you will run the risk of being seen, especially these days with all the camera's people have on mobile phones. 

If you have an affair with someone at work or someone locally, when it all goes wrong life can become very awkward for both of you. 

The third party in the affair is often only being used for physical gratification by the adulterer. 

It is far better in the long run to try and work on or save your relationship. If you feel that it has gone beyond the point of saving them for everybody sake and feelings the best thing to do is end the relationship and then look for somebody else.

 


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