As soon as we are born, our parents, family, society and our experiences can starts to define us, shapes our self image, our personality, who and what we come to believe we are and how we think we should behave.

But what if, you are not happy with how others or life has defined you?

Then as you move into your adult years, you want to grow and expand your capabilities and ideally, you want to develop new social and confidence skills.

After all, why should you allow others, your negative self beliefs and your past experience and limitation. To carry on shaping you, controlling you, holding you back and defining, who and what you are, for the rest of your life?

As a young child, you may not have had much choice, but as an adult, you do have a choice and you are old enough to define yourself and make your own decision in life. 

Years and years of not feel good enough, a lack of self respect, feeling inferior or years of unhelpful comments and negative and harsh criticism can bit by bit, erode your self esteem and self confidence.

If you were subjected to years of put downs, damaging remarks, self limiting judgements, abuse or harsh criticism from society, your peers, authority figures, your parents and even yourself. 

Then after a while, you can start to buy into these negative, damaging and limiting beliefs, such as:

  • You're stupid
  • You're no good
  • You're never amount to anything
  • You're ugly/fat or anything else personally
  • You're shy/quiet
Once you wrongly, buy into these negative, untrue and nasty beliefs. 

You can then start to believe and even accept that they must be true, without questioning them, because we're all tend believe what others say about us, must be true and absolute.

Those negative beliefs that you inherited, can then shape your self image, which can then influence your opinions, actions, thought processes, responses and behaviors. 

What happens then is? 

When you start to accept all the negative stuff, you can then take on that negative personality and you can then start to play out the character that others have created for you, in your life experience.

It is fine to listen to good advice and even a bit of constructive criticism can be helpful and supportive, but you should never accept or have to put up with unwanted abuse, self limitational suggestion, put downs or nasty remarks.

Changing your self talk and changing the way you feel, and boost your self esteem

Taking it easy on yourself and being nice to yourself as well as defining yourself and creating a more positive self image of yourself, should be one of your first priorities. Because, your self image of ourselves can play a big role in determining our level of self esteem. 

Encourage, praise and motivate yourself by all means, even for all the little achievements and good things that you do, but do it in a positive and self supportive manner.

Because, years and years of negative self talk and negative comments from others can form a very negative self image of yourselves.

This can then project a negative self which can then have a huge impact on how you feel, think, act and behave as well as what you do or do not do.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but name/words s can never hurt me"

That is a old saying that is designed, to help you, to not too care too much about what others might say or even write about you and it is a good rule to follow.

However, it is not always strictly true, and if you're a sensitive person who is highly suggestable. Then negative words and thoughts can really take their toll on your self esteem and self worth.

If you can, try not to care and take any notice, of what others think or say, if it is negative, harsh or unduly critical.

Even more importantly, do not overly rely on anything external to make you feel good on the inside, because that needs to be first developed and cultivated from within. 

Then when you're feeling good about yourself, do all the things that you enjoy, have all the things that you want or what you really want to do.

It is important to care about others but definitely do not allow others to destroy or breakup your personality or lower your self esteem and self worth.  

You want to be the real authentic you and it is important to express you and express, what you believe in and what you care about.

As a child you may have been told things that you cannot say or do or what's proper and what is not and although you should never intentionally, try to hurt or upset anybody. 

Equally, you should allow yourself to be what you want to be, do what you want and say what you want without trying to put on a front or show to conform to or impress others.

Because suppressing your opinions or keeping quiet. Is like telling yourself, what you have to say, isn't worth saying or it doesn't matter or you're not good enough or smart enough, which is completely untrue.

You should always aim to be the very best you, but always be true to yourself and try to relax and enjoy the occasion, rather than trying to be something you're not. 

All to often, you see people who on the outside, appear to be confident and outgoing, yet on the inside, they're actually very insecure and underneath the mask and front, they have low self esteem.

Therefore, isn't much better to accept and be yourself, then work on being the best version of yourself. Rather than always comparing yourself to others or wishing you were somebody else, who actually might not be as secure and confident, as you might have thought.

Because when you're happy within, you won't care too much about what others think and you won't feel the need to put on an act to try and impress and please others.

The funny thing is, if you're insecure, if you're not at ease with yourself or if you're happy with yourself within, then you will constantly seek out reassurance or the praise and approval of others to help you boost your self esteem and help you to feel good about yourself. 

But, when you're happy with yourself and you're at peace with yourself within, then you won't feel the need to seek praise or approval from others.

We all feel good, when we receive praise and approval of others, but why rely on others, when you're free to start praising and being nice to yourself.

Relying on praise from others or needing to be liked or if you depend on being rewarded from an external source, just to make you feel good, then that is not a very reliable way, to increase your self esteem. 

The downside to relying on others or exterior things to make you feel good about yourself is.

If they do not give you the praise, security or attention that you're seeking or even worse, they say something negative or what you don't want to hear, then that is going to make you feel even worse, which can destroy your self esteem.

Not accepting yourself, wanting to be like somebody else and trying to be perfect is another sure way to destroy yourself esteem.

The first step to building your self esteem is for you to begin to like yourself, faults including as well as developing a bit of self respect for yourself. 

It is also incredibly important that you make an effort to empower yourself and you work on feeling good within, without your happiness being too attached to external sources or material needs.

Building yourself esteem, is also, not all about positive thinking and positive inner self talk, it is incredibly
important, but it might also require that you work on changing how you feel.

Because, if you say nice, positive and encouraging things to yourself, and you should, if you don't feel it or you don't feel good, then your brain will probably dismiss those positive suggestions.

Improving your mood and developing a positive and calm, physiology, can increase your self esteem and self confidence.

This should involve, taking good care of yourself, reducing your stress, worry and anxiety as well as getting an equal balance of rest and activity. 

Doing things that you like, having a goal or having meaning in life and keeping your mind stimulated, is also important.

The benefits of a healthy level of self esteem

Having a health level of self esteem, can fill you full of inspiration, self confidence and self belief, helping you to excel at life and form a good relationship with others and yourself.

When your self esteem is good, it will allow you to enjoy and explore all the wonders and good experiences, wonders and possibilities of life, improving your career, chances of promotion and helping you to step out of your comfort zone and take on new exciting opportunities and ventures.

At the other end of the scale, having low self esteem and low self worth can make your life a constant struggle and misery.

Healthy self esteem, is something that needs to be created and built upon, from within. Many people have become way to dependant on others or external factors to help give them a self esteem or feel good boost.

These days, there seems to be so much social pressure put on people, especially the young. To look good, to be outgoing and super confident to have the perfect life, to conform to what others think and do, to be liked and so on. 

If you follow these trends, then you risk, destroying your self esteem and what you're really trying to do is, your attempting to hide the real authentic you, from others, and yourself.

Or put another way, you're telling yourself, that you're not good enough so you're always looking for the love and approval of others or external things.

The real truth is. Exterior things, won't bring you permanent happiness and relying on external things or the love and approval of others, is not going to build you a solid foundation of self esteem.

In fact, external things and praise, means nothing if you're not happy and at peace within or if you are not in control of your thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Those who are always seeking out external things and sources externally, are not always happy, calm and at peace on the inside.

Therefore, they will seek out external sources and material things to help them fill the void, within and give them a feel good boost.

People will do this in many ways, some of which can be expensive, temporary and even lead addictive behaviors, simply because they do not feel happy and balanced within. 

If people cannot feel good, at ease, comfortable and happy within. Then they will seek the solution, externally, but as we all know, that good feeling rush, does not last and it certainly does not fix the real root cause of their low self esteem.

How To Build Your Self Esteem

Defining Yourself And Being Yourself

When you feel good, you're self esteem will automatically increase

If you are suffering with low self esteem then by now you have probably read or been told, countless times.

That you should think positive, you should be grateful for what you've got or you should use positive self statements and affirmations to help you build your self esteem.

By now, you are probably already well aware that you should be more positive or you are good enough, smart enough, worthy enough and deserving.

You might even agree with some of these.

But the chances are. That is not necessarily helping you to feel any better about yourself. 

Because unless you actually feel happy, positive, confident and at peace within. Then it is not going to really help you that much.

Of course positive self talk and positive self suggestions can help and they should be a part of your self esteem building strategy. 

But sometimes changing your thoughts alone is not enough to help you to build your self esteem and for some people, whose self esteem levels have reached rock bottom, it can actually make you feel even worse.

The reason for this can be: 

You can say endless positive affirmations to yourself.

But if you don't feel good about yourself and you don't really feel it or believe what your saying.

Because for years now you've bought into those self destructive negative beliefs and feelings that you're:

  • Not good enough
  • You're stupid
  • You're not attractive
  • You're useless
  • You're ugly and fat
  • You're a bad person
  • You're worthless
  • You're unlovable
  • There is something wrong with you
Then it can make your self esteem levels even lower.

Because for you, it can seem like you're contradicting how you're really feeling and thinking or you forcing yourself to say them.

In fact it can even make you feel guilty and inadequate to a degree. 

Because even though at one level, you may feel grateful and you know you should be positive. 

On the inside, you may still feel bad or upset, because you are not feeling it.

According to research.

Many people who have low self esteem and feelings of low confidence. 

Instead of feeling better and upbeat, they actually end up feeling worse after spending a period of time, repeating positive affirmations to themselves.

Why this is believed to happen is because.

They don't think that they are being truly honest and authentic with themselves.

The research also discovered. 

That when people who were happy and good levels of self esteem, repeated positive affirmations to themselves. They did feel better.

This demonstrates that affirmations do not really help those who feel unhappy and have low self.

Because they don't change the background negative emotions which are driving your self destructive, harmful and limiting thoughts, perceptions and beliefs.

When you change the negative feelings and emotions that are driving your low self esteem and you enter a state of inner peace, calm and harmony.

Then your thought processes will follow suit, your self confidence will increase and you will find it much easier to cope with the stresses and strains of day to day living.

What is really fuelling your low self esteem and negative beliefs?

There can be many underlying negative reasons, associated feelings, negative experiences and beliefs that are the driving force behind people who have low levels of self esteem.

Because if you're suffering with low levels of self esteem. Then it is highly likely, that it has got a lot to do with your previous, negative conditioning and programming.

Your negative conditioning, which can last a lifetime, if not treated. Can stem right back to your very early childhood experiences and conditioning

If this applies to you. Then positive thinking and affirmations alone, may not be enough to increase and build your self esteem levels.

If you try and convince yourself that you feel good and everything is great, at times when you're feeling bad, then it just doesn't really work,

We listen judge and gauge ourselves by our feelings and your negative negative feelings are being driven by your conditioning and not your thoughts.

Have you ever noticed or can you recall a happy memory or time. When things were going well, you were feeling good and you were having a great day.

Where you were feeling relaxed and happy for some reason. If you can, you probably noticed that you did not have many negative thoughts and at the same time, your self esteem increased.

Because, when you feel calm, happy and balanced, your self esteem levels will automatically begin to rise.
 
On the other hand. Stress, tension, sadness, tiredness and negative emotions, can lower your self esteem. 

Lets say. You were having a bad day or you felt in a low mood. All those negative thoughts, self criticism and self doubting yourself, would probably come flooding back to you.

This demonstrates that our thought processes match and are a reflection of our feelings and emotions.

What you might not have realized was. It was the negative feelings and emotions that were driving your thoughts processes and the doom and gloom stories that you were telling yourself.

Your mind will tend to create negative imagining, thoughts of pessimism and negative stories to try and make sense or find an explanation, for how you're currently feeling.

There could be many underlying reasons why you have associated negative feelings and emotions to negative beliefs about yourself. 

Some typical examples, could be.

1) Poor self image - Perhaps you may have developed some negative beliefs or opinions about yourself and your capabilities or you feel inferior or inadequate. Because at some point you have been negative comparing yourself to others.

2) Indecisiveness - You may find that you have difficulty making decisions due to receiving a lot of childhood criticism, bad suggestion or put downs.

3) Feeling unloved - Children who are made to feel unloved or not wanted can develop low self esteem and children can also blame themselves if their parents argue a lot or end up separating. 

A child can also feels unloved if they feel that they are being neglected or if their brother or sister is receiving more love and attention.

4) Overprotective parents - If you had very overprotective parents or they were negative people or worries. Then they could have passed on the fears, worries and insecurities onto you or you could have picked up on their negative energies. This could have made your emotional conditioning a survival response or fear related belief.

5) Child conditioning - If you were frequently told as a young child that you were shy or quiet or you were told things like. Little boys or girls should be seen and not heard or you were pulled up or told to be quiet when you were trying to express yourself as a young child. 

Then again, you could have picked up some deep rooted insecurities like your voice did not matter or you may have developed a fear that drawing attention to yourself was dangerous or the wrong thing for you to do. 

Other reasons for low self esteem and negative condition can be:

  • Told or made to feel like you're stupid
  • Told you're not worthy enough
  • Constantly told you were bad
  • Feeling or being made to feel that you're not good enough
  • Relationship Insecurities
  • If you were bullied 
  • Being abused
  • If you were told or you thought you were unattractive 
  • Body conscious issues, skin condition problems
Treating the root cause of self esteem

Whether your low self esteem is caused from your child conditioning, your negative experiences or the inner negative messages that you have been repeating to yourself.

Over time the negative conditioning can suck the confidence and life out of you and it can leave you struggling to recognise your own self worth and your real true capabilities.

The thing to be aware of. That negative voice in your head is not you, it is your negative conditioning which is being driven by negative feelings and emotions.

Your negative beliefs and emotional conditioning are only assumptions and suggestions that you have bought into over the years, therefore they can be changed.

Your emotional brain, which drives your thought processes actions and behaviors. Will use your past negative conditioning and memories as feedback and evidence to support your thoughts, actions and behaviors.

This can affect your self confidence and the things you do or do not to and how well you perform tasks.

If you real feel and believe that you're stupid, not worthy, unlovable, not good enough, inferior etc.

Then you might find it hard to increase your self esteem, through just positive thinking. 

Many people might tell you otherwise, say nice or encouraging things about you or shower you with compliments.

But if you don't believe, because you're getting a negative emotional response. Then it probably won't help you very much.  

It is incredibly important that you stop criticizing yourself and diminishing yourself. And the only real person who can diminish you in the long term, is yourself. 

Because it is time to stop being hard on yourself and start being nice to yourself. Always, replace any negative self talk with positive self talk.

It may also really help you tremendously. If you also work on changing the feelings as well. 

Then as you end all the negative resistance and as you begin to feel more calm, relaxed and at peace with yourself. 

Then that is the time to focus on positive thoughts and self talk.

The reason why it is best to change the feelings and emotions first is because negative feelings and emotions are linked to survival and our fight, flight, freeze response. 

Therefore, they are automatic and they occur without thought. Which means they will always be more powerful and stronger than logic or positive thinking.

All negative feelings and emotions are linked to survival, but not all negative emotions, mean that you're in danger.

People can attach negative emotions and bad feelings, to all sorts of things.

Including themselves and their emotional conditioning.

If you have been conditioned to feel as if you're a bad person, unloved or not good enough or if you are not happy about yourself or your life.

Then you will attach negative feelings and emotions to these perceptions, which creates a strong negative belief.

Once the strong negative emotion, attaches itself to the negative belief. It can be a long process, trying to change the belief without changing the emotion first.

A good place to start to calm that self destructive and pessimistic chit chatter is to cease reacting to your mind, those negative stories you're telling yourself, your feelings and your outside circumstances. 

Your negative thoughts and feelings will keep you stuck in survival mode and when you're stuck in survival mode you will only see the worst case scenario and you will only see the worst in yourself.

In these negative states. Your mind will have you forever focused on and trying to cope with your fears, insecurities worries and anxieties.

Your mind will only focus on trying to protect you and keep you safe. This can leave you feeling desperate and not knowing what to do

This will deny you access of the larger and more powerful capabilities of your brain.

You cannot control everything on the outside but you can learn to handle life's challenges as best as you can and then accept them and let it go.

This can be done by not reacting to your mind and allowing any negative thoughts and emotions to pass right through you and away. 

Just disconnect yourself from your mind and feelings, relax and let them go and don't allow all the mess and negative stuff on the outside to control how you feel on the inside.

Building your self esteem

It is important that you begin to identify and change the source of your unhappiness, self doubts, insecurities and your self sabotaging.

If you have any body conscious issues. Then Self acceptance, can help you release any emotional suffering and pain.

Because self acceptance is the first stage of self growth and betterment.

True love and inner peace only happens when you totally and unconditionally embrace and accept all of yourself. 

Which means accepting the bad stuff about you that you might not like or what you have previously wanted to change.

Instead of trying to suppress the bad and only focusing on the good.

Because, true self acceptance means accepting all your flaws and weaknesses. 

Let go of the things that you can't change and work on the things you can.

Another thing that can lower your self esteem is wanting to be perfect. Because trying to be perfect can lead to a whole host of anxieties and feelings of insecurity.

It is fine to want to do something well and to want to be the best version of yourself and there is nothing wrong with evaluating situations learning from your mistakes so you can be better or do things better.

The problem starts when you cannot tolerate making mistakes, getting things wrong, embarrassing yourself or showing yourself up or it is your intention to never make mistakes or embarrass yourself.

As this can make you develop a fear of making mistakes, getting things wrong or embarrassing yourself.

Most people at some point in their lives. 

Have probably felt inadequate, unhappy, inferior and insecure about their looks, certain parts of their bodies or they wished they were different or certain parts of their body were different.

Because of this, many people seek betterment, change and self improvement.

Again, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best you and to seek to keep on growing, expanding and becoming better. 

But even though you may wish to change, you should always love, accept and approve of yourself as you are.

The one thing that you should avoid is wanting to be perfect.

The underlying root cause of trying to perfect is the fear of failure or they belief that you're not good enough.

Trying to be perfect is not a perfect way of living and trying to be perfect can make you perform worse and prevent you from be natural.

Perfectionism, can make your life a misery and it can have you endlessly pretending to be what your not or making you hide the person who you really are.

A lot of the things that we feel inferior about, are how we look on the surface or how we appear to others. 

Yet our real true beauty, powers, chore strengths, values, intelligence, character, confidence and creativity, can be found on the inside.

When you utilize and maximize all your inner powers, creativity, idea's, capabilities and strengths so you make the most of your true limitless potential and you live your life to the full.

Then you won't feel the need to negatively compare yourself unfavourably to others and you will no longer care about superficial perceived weaknesses that cannot prevent you from being happy, enjoying your life and becoming highly successful.

Some people with low self esteem can also feel inferior to others, because they think that other people are better, smarter or stronger than them in one way or another.

Some people might feel inferior because they think that others are:

  • Wealthier
  • More successful
  • Better job
  • Better looking
  • Better academically 
  • Accomplished more in their lives
  • Have it all
  • More confident
  • Taller/bigger
  • Better body
The reality is. There will be others who seem to have it all. The perfect life, the good looks, great relationship, successful career, the big house etc.

First of all. This does not necessarily mean they are happy on the inside. 

Because everybody has their own issues their trying to deal with and overcome.

And for every person with the perfect life. There are many more people that don't have the perfect life, but they are still happy and at peace with themselves.

This means, It is OK to accept that from a materialistic point of view. 

There are others who are doing better or they are better looking people or there are people who are richer and have more successful lives.

So, you may feel inferior to some people. But, you also may have many positive traits that they don't have.

You maybe smarter than them, have a better personality, more creative, more likeable, more compassionate, happier, more caring and whittier.

Again, it's about making the most of what you have got and utilizing your inner potential and greatness. 

Because, you too can have it all and more if you focus on your strengths and not your perceived flaws, weaknesses and imperfections.

Changing your negative conditioning

If the root cause of your self esteem is caused through your negative conditioning. 

Then increasing your self esteem may require treating and changing your negative conditioning automatic responses.

Through using techniques that are specially designed to help you to fix the true deeper root causes of your low self esteem.

This can be achieved through changing your old negative conditioned responses that are driving your negative feelings and and your self destructive negative thought processes.

Which leads to low self esteem, insecurity and low self respect. Which can negatively affect you and impact you in many ways

Which can lead to

  • Emotional pain, stress and suffering 
  • Destroy your self confidence 
  • Limit you many ways and keep you small and stuck 
  • Make you feel anxious and insecure
  • Cause you to worry about making mistakes
  • Caring too much what others think or say
  • Cause you to worry about things going wrong all the time
  • Affect your relationships and make it hard for you to form new relationships
  • Can affect your ability to mix and socialize
Negative self conditioning can also happen at times when you may have already been experiencing periods of stress, negative emotions, anxiety or you were feeling a bit insecure or vulnerable for some reason.  

Negative conditioning and emotional attachment can affect your whole physiology. 

These negative feelings, thoughts and emotions can become your most dominant state and your normal default settings, which can cause you to focus more on how bad you feel and what happened to you. 

Which further strengthens these negative feelings, associations and beliefs, which will further erode your self esteem and your self confidence.

The self esteem course below is a natural way of changing and undoing your deep rooted negative conditioning.

Because it tackles to root source of your low self worth and low self esteem. 

You will begin to feel much calmer and better about yourself, which will automatically increase your self esteem and allow to uncover the real limitless you so you can go onto, enjoy the life and success that you deserve.



Tips To Boost Your Self Esteem



What is self esteem

Your self esteem is the very essence of your true identity and capabilities, it is who you are as a person and how you feel about yourself.

It is also everything that you have come to believe and accept about yourself and who you are and how you regard yourself internally.

If you want to feel naturally confident, then you need to have a good solid and healthy level of self esteem.

Many people try to fake their confidence until they make it, but that does not really work and it is hard going.

Because if you don't really believe at a deep and influential level that you're confident and good enough, then confidence won't come naturally as it should do.

True confidence is an outer reflection of inner confidence, where you like yourself and you respect yourself for who you are and the way you are.

Your self esteem is the foundation and the formula for a successful and happy life, it consists of your belief systems and the self image you hold about you. 

You or the opinion of others will create your beliefs about who you think you are and what you think that you're capable of.

What you come to believe about you and your abilities will either make you or break you. 

The benchmark for your self esteem is set at a very early age, as young children, we a very susceptible and receptive to what others say. 

Your level of self esteem is set by how you have reacted to your previous experiences, both successes and failures, however it is not fixed and it can be changed. 

Your self-image is neither true nor false, but it is true to you, it is what you have become based on how you view yourself at this present moment of time. 

Your self image is formed on how you gauge yourself and it is a reflection of your own personal beliefs and inner self talk, or the opinion and behaviors of others. 

Your self esteem level is totally set by and dependent on whether your opinion of yourself is positive or negative.

Your level of self esteem is set by how you have reacted to and how you have handled previous experiences, both successes and failures however it is not fixed and it can be changed. 

Your self-image is neither true nor false, but it is true to you.

Because it is what you have become based on how you view yourself at this present moment of time. 

Your self image is formed on how you gauge yourself and it is a reflection of your own personal beliefs and inner self talk.



You're complete and good enough

The first step to increasing your self esteem is to develop a deep level of self respect for yourself.

You're good enough, you always have been and you always will be, because creation made you, creation made you good enough and creation always gets it right.

The belief that you're not good enough or worthy enough, is a belief and not a true fact and all beliefs can be changed.

The root source of many people's self esteem is, they believe or they have been told they are not good enough, equal enough or not worthy enough or they feel that they are not wanted or loved.

The belief that for some reason you're not worthy or good enough is the single biggest misjudgment and lie that you could ever possibly make about yourself.

Feeling that you're not good enough, not equal enough or you're not worthy enough is a recipe for disaster and it will sabotage your life in many ways.

You cannot reach your true potential and live your best possible life, if deep down you believe that you're not good enough, deserving enough or smart enough.

Marisa Peer's, who is one of the world's leading therapists who has worked with many A list Hollywood celebrities and high achievers.

Has identified from working with many clients, that most of their troubles stem from the underlying belief that they feel they are not good enough.

What she advises her clients is, to tell themselves that they are enough or they are good enough, or she will advise them to write on a mirror in lipstick. 

"I am enough"

Marisa suggest to tell yourself that you are enough ten times, first thing in the morning and ten times before you go to bed, then do it at varying periods throughout your day.

Then keep saying it for at least a month or until you feel that you're worth it and you're good enough, because it is your opinion of yourself that counts and not the opinion of others.

Because whether you are good enough or not, smart enough or not or worthy enough or not, boils down to one thing, what you tell yourself. 

You have a choice which option you want to follow, you can either take the positive suggestions and statements.

Which will increase your self esteem and lead you on to a more successful and happier life.

Or you can take the negative option which will bring you down and keep you small and stuck.



Although you may want to better yourself.

Still love and approve of yourself, just the way you are.

You are born with confidence and a healthy level of self esteem, what takes it away from you is, your life experiences and how you allow them to impact and influence you and your life.

Those with higher levels of self-esteem look forward to the day and the challenges that lie ahead of them. 

They have a stronger desire to learn and try new things, they admit to making mistakes and learn from them.

They will try and look for ways in which they can improve things, rather than dwelling on when thing's don't always go so well, they don't take criticism too seriously and they don't take life too seriously either.

When you develop a sense of your own self-worth, you start to value yourself and you begin to see yourself as a worthwhile and special person who deserves all that is good in life. 

When you do this, then your life and attitude will begin to change and you will start to turn those lows into, highs. 

The root source of much of your low self esteem usually lies a fear or feelings of insecurities so you may need to work on your fears and anxiety.

Only use positive self talk

Your inner self talk is critical if you want to increase your self esteem, so are you sabotaging your success and confidence with what you're thinking and the words you're speaking. 

The things you think and the words you use to define yourself and your abilities will hold a lot of power for programming your subconscious mind. 

And as your subconscious mind controls most of your thoughts, actions and behaviors, then it is vitally important that you examine and become mindful over what you say to yourself about yourself and your capabilities.

Do you find yourself using phrases and statements 

  •  I don’t think I can
  •  I can't do that
  •  I am not very good at
  •  I wish I could 
  •  It's not me 
  •  I am never
  •  This is just the way I am 
  •  I have already tried and failed
  •  I’m not good enough
  •  I don’t have time

And the list continues. If any of these statements sound familiar, then you are negatively programming your subconscious mind to work against you and what you want to be, do and become.

From now on, anytime you notice yourself thinking or saying negative statements step in and change and replace them with new supporting and positive phrases like,

  •  I can do that 
  •  I can learn to do that
  •  I am getting better at 
  •  I'll give it a go 
  •  I know I can 
  •  I am getting better at 
  •  I am a worthy person
  •  I am more than capable

Your words and thoughts are powerful and your subconscious mind believes everything that you tell it and it will act upon any statements you make about yourself both positive or negative.

So get into the habit of only saying positive things to yourself or others about yourself.

If you have gotten into a habit of criticizing yourself or putting yourself down, then you need to stop it immediately. 

Then from now on, start to program your mind with only positive beliefs and suggestions about you and your life.

Any negative statements you say about yourself will turn into negative beliefs about you and they will continue to hold you back and make you feel bad. 

Your new policy should be to make it a new habit to focus your mind in a positive direction. 

Any time you notice your internal mind needlessly criticizing you or putting you down in any way change it and replace it with positive and constructive statements about yourself.

Change your self image

Your self image determines how you think, how you feel, what you do and how you act and behave so to increase your self esteem you will need to change your self image. 

Your self image is how you view yourself and the perceptions you have of yourself and your self worth and how you value yourself as a person and how you fit in your society

Your self image will have a massive impact on your whole life and it will determine your

  •  Confidence levels
  •  Your general baseline happiness level 
  •  How you think and feel about yourself
  •  Your achievements and successes and the results you get in life 
  •  It also plays a role in how you react and behave socially 
  •  What you think you're capable of 
  •  How well you do things
  •  It can determine your comfort zone 
  •  It can even have a bearing on your body size

One of the most powerful words that you have available to you is the words "choose or choice" and everything in life is a choice and you do have a choice to think positive things about yourself, you just haven't exercised that choice yet. 

But it is only you who can make your own choices because it is you who has all the power to choose, where you're heading in life, how you want to feel and who and what you decide to become.

Some examples of choices are

  • You can choose to be happy or sad 
  • You can choose to change your beliefs or you can keep the same old damaging and untruthful negative ones 
  • You can imagine being more successful and confident or you can think of yourself as not being very confident or successful 
  • You can choose to read and learn or you can watch more TV 
  • You can choose to get fit or live a more sedentary life 
  • You can choose to believe in yourself or you can carry on getting the same results 
  • You have a choice whether you want to take action to build your self esteem or not build it
  • You can learn to be more extrovert or remain shy 
  • You can choose to be more positive or you can be negative 
  • You can start your own business or have a second income or you can stick with what you have got 
  • You can be glad that you have the choice to live a great life or you can obsess about what you don't want
To change your self image you need to start seeing and visualize yourself as being, behaving and acting as you desire to be. 

You need to have a clear vision of who and what you want to become in the future whilst at the same time fully accepting yourself. 

If you can picture what you want in your mind, then that means you're capable of doing it, achieving it or becoming it and you are capable of great things. 

But to take it a step further you have to believe you can achieve it or do it and therefore you will.

When you start to change your perception of yourself and how you see yourself, then over time you and your life will start to change for the better.

You can be happy and you can achieve anything that you want.

Why we sometimes have a poor self image of ourselves is down to our past experiences, how we have handled past situations or if we have bought into the beliefs of negative and hurtful comments and remarks said to us by other people.

Once we buy into and accept other people's beliefs or judgement's, we can then begin to take on that negative characteristics and even worst, we search for evidence to back it up.

But these beliefs are not your own, so you should not have to conform to them or have your life dictated and controlled by them. 

Start to shape your own destiny, characteristics and who you wish to be instead of allowing others to do it.

Learn to love and like yourself 

To boost your self esteem you have to start to like and love yourself completely, it will also help you greatly if you say nice things about yourself. 

A good way to achieve this is to stand in front of a mirror, look yourself deeply in the eyes and tell yourself "you love or like yourself".

Also, whilst you're still in front of the mirror, pay yourself some complements and self praise.

Tell yourself on a regular basis how great you are, how special you are, how wonderful you are, how beautiful you are and so on and notice how your energy shifts.

This is not being arrogant and you can tell it to yourself whilst you're alone, it is just a way of boosting your self esteem and setting the seeds to a happier and better you and life.

If you struggle to find something good to say about you dig deep and persevere, it does not matter if you make it up so long as your saying positive and nice things about yourself.  

Or you can write out a list of all your qualities on a piece of paper, on this you can put anything positive down about yourself, like you're a good writer, painter, you're a nice or kind person etc.

The purpose of this is to change the way you think about yourself and to change your energy, and when you start to love and appreciate yourself others will treat and respect you more. 

Also break the habit of criticizing and being hard on yourself and praise yourself up for everything you do well no matter how small. 

When you develop a strong self belief in yourself and a positive inner you then you will begin to become more resilient and you will reach a point where nothing anybody can say will hurt you again. 

Imagine you have an invisible bubble or cloak surrounding you and no hurtful remarks or comments can penetrate through it. 

Because people can only hurt you with their nasty suggestions if you believe what they're saying is true and you let it in. 

If you believe you're worthless and not good enough, this will reflect how you come across and perform socially and if you have little love and respect for yourself no one will love or respect you back. 

But the more you begin to like and be proud of yourself and you should be proud of who you are, the more love and respect you will get back from others. 

Just be more aware of who you are, because you're special and worthy and equal to anybody, when you were a baby you were exactly the same as everybody else. 

But somehow along the journey through your life you have picked up and bought into some negative beliefs about yourself. 

But you were made by creation and creation never, ever gets it wrong, the only people who get it wrong are those who have said nasty or negative comments about you. 

So appreciate the wonderful and potential talented person you are and can be, then move forward in a positive direction. 

Never dwell upon your mistakes or failures, admit you made a mistake, but then learn something positive from it.   

Focus on your strengths and achievements, start to acknowledge every achievement or success no matter how small and be proud of yourself, keep telling yourself repeatedly that you like yourself. 

You will not begin to increase your self esteem until you begin to like yourself, faults included, and when you learn to love, like, approve and respect yourself then you will open yourself up to be respected and liked by others.

Most people pick something negative about themselves or their life, then they give all their undivided attention to it. 

But you're already good at many things so only focus on all the good things about you and your life.

When you speak about yourself to others only say good and positive things about yourself, this doesn't mean bragging about yourself.

Get out of the habit of pulling yourself down. When you love yourself, then you will start to take no notice of any outside criticism.

Believe and become

Do you believe in yourself, if you have low self esteem and a low opinion of yourself than the chances as you don't truly believe in yourself and your capabilities. 

It is really important that you start to believe in yourself as it can have a big impact in your future performances. 

This means the way you think about yourself and your abilities in relationship to the things you do, can have a big impact on how well you manage and take on challenges or even if you take on new challenges at all.

Many people use affirmations to try and boost their self esteem and confidence and although affirmations can be a powerful way to change, you will struggle to benefit from them if you're coming from a negative and fearful state. 

Before you start to use positive affirmations it is best to focus on changing your energy first and a good way to do this is to look for evidence to show you're already good and confident at some things already.

Start to focus on and search for everything you have done well at in the past or the present and keep affirming to yourself and letting yourself know how good you are at these things. 

If you look hard enough, you will begin to find things or occasions where you performed well, did well or things you're just good at and then keep on reminding yourself how good you are at or how well you did. 

To be confident you first need to feel confident because confidence is a feeling of being present in the now, this means learning how to let go of anxious or negative thoughts and then only focusing on general feel good thoughts or positive thoughts. 

Most people hold destructive beliefs that they are not even aware of or know they have them, if you notice any limiting beliefs or negative statements.

Challenge them and change, ask yourself are they just beliefs or actual facts that cannot be changes, if they are just beliefs then make some new ones.

Be yourself

Those who suffer from low self tend to wish they were like somebody else or they even try to be somebody else, some even think there is something wrong with them and they are somehow not good enough. 

But you should not want to be like anybody else because your already unique and special in many ways, when you keep wishing to be like somebody else what you're really doing is saying you're not good enough or you disapprove of yourself. 

Another thing that can lower your self esteem is when you compare yourself to others, also avoid being jealous or envious of what others have got that you have not got or you want

It's fine to be inspired and motivated by others, but try not to feel inadequate to how some people look, behave or how successful they are. Just appreciate what you have and work on having more if that's what you want.

You do not need to pretend to be something you're not and the real truth is, there is nothing wrong with you that needs fixing either. 

You may benefit from learning some new social and life skills, you may have some fears, challenges and insecurities face and overcome, but to think you're not good enough is an outright lie. 

Sometime you may need to dig deep and explore to try and find what is the real root source of your low self esteem, work on your insecurities and try to find the positives in yourself. 

Because once you start to change your energy you will be able to challenge and change those negative beliefs that you have bought into because they are lies and they don't belong to you. 

If someone has told you things like your worthless or stupid, reject and dismiss them and start to re-define yourself as you want to be. 

When you continually knock or run yourself down it will keep you stuck in a negative energy, so be yourself and do anything and everything you can to make yourself feel better and start to feel good about yourself.

Focus on your strengths 

People who have a low self worth tend to only focus on the negative, then they blow it totally out of proportion, yet if they would put the same amount of effort into focusing on all the good about themselves and their lives then they would have little trouble with their self esteem. 

Most people are their own worst enemies, so if you want to increase your self esteem start to ditch all the negativity and focus on your strengths and develop then either further.

Find your true passion or purpose in life and pursue it because everybody has a talent or talents and who knows you may even be able to make some extra income out of your skills or knowledge. 

Sometimes helping others can help you to feel good so try and be kind and helpful to others, but most importantly to be kind and true to yourself.

There is no such thing as failure 

One of the biggest culprits for lowering your self esteem is to dwell on your past mistakes because when you make a mistake or you have been embarrassed and then if you allow it to bother you then you will develop a of fear making the same mistakes again and again.

Sometimes people tend to beat themselves up endlessly because of what happened to them in their past which can lower their confidence and self esteem levels even more. 

One bad or negative experience can cause a bad emotional memory which can diminish the whole quality of your life if you allow it to. 

Try not to let one experience or mistake to spread over into other area's of your life because one small negative a seed can grow and expand into a big a tree of pain.

You must not allow your setbacks, mistakes or what you perceive to be your failures too have a negative and damaging impact on their future. 

See each failure and setback as an opportunity for you to grow and do things better in the future.

Often people will dwell on and endlessly analyze all their mistakes and missed opportunities wishing and thinking that they could have or should have done things better. 

They will often ponder on "how they would have done things differently".

But what's done is done, so learn to let it go because you do not have to allow your past to cause you grief now. 

There was no need for all the worry and fear because whatever happened you were OK and you came through it and you are safe and well now.

So you should stop allowing your past to harm you now or hold you back in the future. 

The truth is there are no failures in life, all your mistakes and setbacks are just lessons to be learned so you can grow and improve and you should learn to take something from every failure to make you a better person. 

You can only feel emotional pain when you're thinking about something negative or telling yourself something negative, so just think the opposite to what makes you feel bad.

You always have an alternative choice 

People who have low self esteem are often at the victim stage in their lives, they have become the victims of the past bad experiences, and they have bought into the comments of the people who have been mean, negative or critical to them

These negative experiences and the negative beliefs that they have created from them are controlling their thoughts, actions and behaviors.

They tend to believe that life happens to them rather than them, creating the life and person they want to be from within themselves, by working from the inside to the out. 

You decide and determine how you wish people to perceive you, because life is all about creating a balance in the mind and body.

Reprogram your mind 

To increase your self esteem you have to be disciplined and you will need to take daily action steps. 

You will also need to be more mindful too how your thoughts and your emotions work in conjunction with your body which are a whole, therefore they all need to be working together in harmony, peace and inner balance. 

Most people just wake up each morning and they immediately fall straight into the same old repetitive negative traps each day.

If you want to break free of the negative cycle, you first need to know why and what's causing you to feel and behave the way you do. 

To quickly explain it, the words you think and say affects your emotional and physical state, but as this is a two way thing your physical body also affects your emotions and thought processes. 

So all you need to do is to bring your mind and body back into balance and inner calm which will switch your body back to a relaxed feel good state energy and when you achieve this natural high on a consistent basis you will find everything will start to improve and work out well for you.

The first step you need to take is to fully love and accept yourself, because if you're not in alignment with you you are then your going to cause a inner conflict which is going to make you feel bad. 

The second step is to appreciate yourself and all the good things you have got instead of only focusing on the things you don't yet have or giving all your attention to the negative side of things. 

It's fine to want to have more, but you have first have to accept what is, be happy with what you have got at the moment and who you are because that's the foundation to consistent happiness and success.

If you keep allowing your current results or you carry on allowing things that have happened or things that have been said to you in the past to control how you think and feel then you're never going to move forward. 

Happiness is all about being grateful and being at peace with yourself and with your world.

To change you have to take total control of your thoughts, feelings and your life and the best time to do that is first thing in the morning and you need to make this a daily practice.  

If you're suffering with low self esteem than you probably wake up each morning and immediately start to think negative thoughts of stress, dread, anxiety and doom and gloom.

These negative and stressful thinking patterns will no doubt be your main focus of thinking throughout your whole day. 

When you do this on a day to day basis you are mentally and physically conditioning yourself to feel afraid and to feel bad and it soon becomes a habit and a way of life.

If this is the case for you then you are actually training yourself to feel anxious, stressed and depressed. 

And every time you think a negative or stressful thought you go more over to a negative protective mode where your minds main objective will be to watch out for more problems or dangers. 

There is no gain to be had from becoming fixated about a problem or bodily issue you may have. 

You have to accept what you cannot change and work on improving the things you can and these days there are lots of help and programs available that can help you improve on most issues. 

Everybody can work on improving their bodies.

To break the negative cycle, you have to change your energy and state back to calm and positive and to achieve it you need to calm your mind and relax your body. 

Meditation is one of the best ways to start to change your state and then being mindful throughout your day by observing your mind and only follow or think positive or neutral feeling thoughts.

So at the start of each morning set yourself up for the day ahead, spend ten to fifteen minutes each morning mediating and learning to observe your mind whilst allowing any negative thoughts to come and go. 

Just practice focusing on your breathing and take slow, deep breaths making sure the out breath is longer than the inside. 

This is not an exercise to try and stop your negative thoughts, it's more about learning to let them come and go.

People spend large parts of their life trying to deal with or get rid of their anxious or unwanted thoughts.

But all that does is stir up more emotional arousal and inner conflict, when all you have to do is, leave your mind alone so it can think the thoughts whilst at the same time you don't think them.

Because if you just accept these unwanted thoughts as just fleeting thoughts and you leave your mind alone, then your mind after the initial emotional arousal will quickly settle down by itself.

Instead of fighting with your thoughts, train your body to respond calmly around your fearful and stressful thoughts and then redirect your mind to replace negative and depressive thoughts to ones of optimism and hope.

Every time the negative and fearful thoughts start to cause emotional arousal to just return back to focusing on your breathing. 

Then you can imagine your whole day going great and at the end of your session, let yourself know "this is going to be the best day of my life".

Reducing your stress and letting go of any tension that you're holding onto can increase your self esteem and your self confidence.

Try to sit, stand and move with poise, ease, comfort and good balance.





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Written by Hypnosis Downloads co-founder Mark Tyrrell


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